Limericks!

[Elvheimdros]

Boromir, warrior of Gondor
Travelled to Rivendell yonder.
He fought with some orcs
Who made him a corpse,
Which Denethor thought was a blunder.

[Yávië]

There once was a hound of Imladris
In a cruel forest maze gone ah-miss.
If rendered a ghost
Will he still steal the roast?
The kitchens await his stomach ah-byss.

[KingODuckingham]

There's this ladybug who is a grouch
And doesn't want friends on his couch
He picks several fights
With a whole bunch of sights
Till a whale's tale slams him back; oof, ouch!

[Amhran]

@KingODuckingham Yep. Also,

There's this dread Peeping Tom of a bear,
The brown one that does nothing but stare,
At a strange-oid blue horse
And a red bird, of course,
And a cat with Kool-Aid-purple hair.

(I hate that book so much.)

[Marceline]

I used to have quite the collection
Of children's books for my profession
I gave them away
And am hoping that they
Are still part of first grade story sessions

[Androthelm]

I really should have gone to sleep
but instead in my bed I shall weep
I started a new book
(just for a quick look)
and have now gotten in far too deep.

[Marceline]

A big storm blew in from the west
And put tree branches to the test
They might have held on
Or fallen upon
Cars whose luck today wasn't the best

[KingODuckingham]

In moments of pure desperation
that make me say "what in tarnation?"
I turn on a vid
of what traffic did
My son likes to watch. Explanation?

[Amhran]

@KingODuckingham

With preschoolers, man, who can tell?
My son once was obsessed with church bells.
My fault, my apology:
I looked up "campanology"
And for months the house echoed with knells.

[Wamba_the_Fool]

So it turns out that each tasty lick
Porter laid on us was with a pick
Yes the Bass Doobie Bro.
Really put on a show
I can hear it NOW - I was just thick!

[Marceline]

I guess some folks still don't have power
From the storm that was more than a shower
Trees downed power lines
And wrecked the designs
Of my dear friend for many an hour

[Aodh Hammerhelm]

Points on the dreaded triple six
La, I'm in a pickle and a fix
Four horsemen to follow?
Guess I'll try tomorrow
To add one more post to the mix

[KingODuckingham]

For some reason lim'ricks use Nantucket
Perhaps since it rhymes with the word 'it'.
Although it's a slant
They will never recant
Though sometimes they slip in a 'bucket'

[Marceline]

A new language class starts today!
And I'm hoping we'll learn how to say
"How do you do?"
Or "One hundred and two"
Without much ado or delay

[Eldy Dunami]

My grief, it is hard to assuage
That this thread fell off the first page
So I must bump it
To sound like a trumpet
A call for others to engage

[KingODuckingham]

I must admit I am surprised
That limericks are no longer prized.
The thread has been tossed
(My wires were crossed)
Maybe poems are not actualized?

[Afird Splitax]

There was a dwarf name Thili,
who made the hottest ever Chili.
So spicy was his pot, like the fire of dragons,
that the ale was ever served, in bottomless flagons;
which keep Thili, from singing shrilly.

[Eldy Dunami]

Summer's dilemma extends into fall:
Can a breeze be worth humidity's thrall?
Should I open the casement
Or hide in the basement
Thinking fondly of winters that bring a snow squall?

[Elvheimdros]

There once was a teacher called Elvh
(On the Plaza, not IRL-self)
Who had a first quarter
He'd swear was much shorter
Than the calender said from its shelf.

[KingODuckingham]

There once was an Ent down in Fangorn
Who'd lost his Ent-wife, now he's love-lorn
He said he had looked,
Didn't know if she's cooked.
Now he never leaves, ever, from Fangorn.

(I'm out of practice, so this one is terrible. >.>)

[Nia]

Once known as Gandalf the Grey
A Balrog he once did slay
Fought the beast day and night
Died, returned clad in white
'Twas to Saruman's decline and dismay

[Eldy Dunami]

The winter solstice is four weeks away
Though only around Northern Hemisphere way
But already I balk
At a post-dinner walk
When by 5 PM there is no light of day

[KingODuckingham]

If ever true love did exist
When gone it would be sorely missed
You'd wring out your heart
Like a sponge, as a a start
'Til you and your lover made tryst.

[Androthelm]

@KingODuckingham

If that is the measure of truth
Then I think I can find such a proof
For all love-poems say
Is in essence, dismay
That their lover is staying aloof!

[Ta'leus Shieldsong]

I know quite a lot above love,
Cause the movies teach me oh so much!
For all you must do,
To win you a boo,
Is be a hot guy with a pup.

[Baphởmet]

There is nothing better than bears
Not even a plate filled with pears
But it would stand to reason
That during this season
You stay out of the cave that is theirs

[Afird Splitax]

There is nothing better than bees
Not even the best old cheese
But it would stand to reason
That during the season
You don't poke their hive and tease

[Ta'leus Shieldsong]

I've been eating too much string cheese,
It's delicious, yes it's the bee's knees,
But if I keep eating,
My stomach starts beating,
Me up from the inside, oh geeze.

[KingODuckingham]

I am on a mid-winter break
My thirst for relaxing I slake
By making a post
Two or three at the most
Since I'm all by myself, give or take.

[Ta'leus Shieldsong]

I'm having the worst writer's block,
Each time that I write I must stop,
Cause I get just a line,
I think it looks fine,
But after that all of them flop.

[Baphởmet]

There was an old lady who never shut up
She talked endlessly about an old breakup
By the time I escaped
The world had reshaped
And now she’s starting in on a teacup

[Afird Splitax]

I wish my nose would stop running
It causes me grief and shunning
For the young do not know
How age makes life flow
An old noses to keep on running

[KingODuckingham]

I'm teaching my students to read
Poetry but it makes their eyes bleed
They're roughly fourteen,
At life they're still green
So for poetry's sake I must plead.

Also I should mention it's in Latin, but funnily enough it's the fact that it's poetry, not Latin, that bothers them.

[Marceline]

Finn went on a most epic quest
To save Ice King's unwilling guests.
Princesses galore -
To each one Finn swore
He'd secure a safe path to egress!

[Baphởmet]

Fleeg the goblin was a prankster
Who once tied his bro to an anchor
He tried to drop Reg in the sea
but then got chased away by a bee
So then Reg smacked him with a tankard

[Marceline]

Reg took a deep draught of his drink
And prayed his cHaOS orB would sink
Into the vast sea
And leave ol' Reg be
But trust Regdûsh to not really think

[Baphởmet]

Fleeg was a cat in the water
he screamed and caused a real bother
so loud that the Witch-king
thought the fool had a bee sting
and so sent an army ready to slaughter

[Marceline]

Confusticate and bebother
That green goblin whose old forefather
Was a right scary dude,
And who is in a feud
With an orc friend he might one day slaughter

[Baphởmet]

Reg was a right cheeky git
and was asking for his chin to get hit
Fleeg would oblige
As soon as a ladder arrived
And then he'd get popped in his mitt

[Galadrihell]

There once was a fine goblin lassie
Who liked her men stupid, but sassy;
But when she met Phlegmson
Though he’s that, and then some,
she found he was simply too gassy

[Marceline]

There was an old guy by the road
Who conspired at great lengths with a toad.
"Free magic!" he cried
As Regdûsh walked by.
Let's just hope the world doesn't explode.

[Eldy Dunami]

I freely admit I'm a hater
Of that very loud bug, the cicada
It's been seventeen years
Since their sound reached my ears
Now they're spread over every last acre

[Baphởmet]

There was once a store that sold phở
It was tasty and savory as fu--
One day it attracted a goat
who asked if it could be made from stoat
The cook said sure, but it'd cost him a hundred bucks

[Baphởmet]

There once was a rambling goat
Who talked his way onto a boat
"A soup, I can make
'Tis really a piece of cake
But to do make I will need the captain's trench coat."

[Baphởmet]

The Goat of Mendes was in trouble
When down by the river, was his double.
They dueled on the banjo,
Which would seem apropos
Until the two began to crumble.

[Baphởmet]

The soup, they said, was evil
it's savory flavor might cause too much upheaval
But the goat went ahead
and made sure everyone was fed
Something unheard in times medieval