Thief Hunt::Series IV

"Going to Mordor!" Cried Pippin. "I hope it won’t come to that!"
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Welcome to Mordor’s Thief Hunt!

Series IV


Good news! Something has been stolen and a thief is at large! Now, even though we just love thieves, this one is just a little too cunning for our Dark Lord’s liking. He wants the thief found immediately, or else he’ll get upset, and you know what happens when he gets angry! This thief could be one from among Sauron’s own ranks, or an exceedingly clever free person, which would be even more appalling! So help us find the thief, before we are roasted in the fires of Mount Doom!

To Appease Our Lord, Find

The Thief’s Name
The Item The Thief Stole
Where The Thief Is Hiding


Please listen to the entire recording as our menu options have changed

Possible Thief’s Name

Narv - Moriel - Sil - Uruva - Winddancer - Frost - Blinky - Taethowen - Thalionwen - PoshZôr - Elenhir - Ducky -
Tzu - Lailorn - Pearl - DEATH - Jorgy - Gwai - BabyZôr - Dwim - Dimcairien - Krumhûr - ScaryZôr


Possible Items Stolen

Írimë’s Wine Stash – Cat O’ Nine Tails - Grond - Hauberk of Angmar - Lava Snake - Ketchup the Fell Beast -
One Rotting Leg O’ Las - One Ring - One Huge Barrel Full of Hobbits - One George - Pink Tricycle - Grobby - Sequined Bumflap Onesie


Possible Hiding Spots

Barad-dûr – On the Rocks - Cirith Ungol - Dhâd Bûrz – The Shadows – Beneath a Rock - Halls of Injustice - Black Market –
That Dark Corner - Towers of No Return – Minas Morgûl – The Morannon – A Cloud of Ash - Grobby's Cupboard

Traps

The thief was obviously very crafty, for they have left a few traps for the unsuspecting. A maximum of three of each of the following traps will be in play each round. Which ones? Who knows!

Heart of Orodruin: Enter this place and you will immediately pass through a portal into the very heart of Mount Doom where you suffer a fiery death, and cannot play for the remainder of this round (until the thief has been found and we start again)! You are free however to describe your torment or/and death and haunting of other players.

Variety of Snakes: In one place, the thief has left a variety of poisonous and non-poisonous snakes to attack whoever enters. If you are unlucky enough to cross these snakes, you are bitten and must RP your way out of the situation before hunting again.

Tar Pit: Here the thief has cunningly concealed a deep, wide tar pit beneath the floor and you must swim or otherwise make your way out of the hot, sticky morass before hunting again.

Murder Hornets: The thief has managed to relocate a nest of enormous, deadly, ANGRY hornets from the far east into this place. You must figure out a way to escape with your life before hunting again.

Shelob's Lair: Herself is branching (webbing?) out! Shelob has decided to expand her territory, and you have stumbled upon her. You must RP your escape before hunting again.

IMPORTANT: With the exception of the Heart of Orodruin, just because a location has a trap, does NOT mean it isn't the correct location. You might just have to try more than once to get the right combination, springing the trap each time until you get it right...


How The Game Works

All participants will post before a ~24 hour deadline has passed. When the deadline arrives, hints, a new ~24 hour deadline, and any other information concerning the game (eg traps) will be posted. The process is repeated until either one or more person posts the correct combination to solve the mystery. At that time, the participant that has derived the correct answer will be told at the following deadline, and a new round begins!

The Rules of The Game

1. All posts 300+ characters and IC
2. You must post name of thief, place where the thief is hiding, and item that they stole in bold and the according color somewhere in your post
3. You may post the same combination as another player
4. You may join the game at any time
5. All are welcome

SERIES RANKING
If you win a Thief Hunt, you will become a Minion 1st Rank Hunter. Nothing special happens.

If you win another, you will become a Minion 2nd Rank Hunter. When you reach this rank, you may choose to specialize in Thieves, Places, or Items, and will be able to guess two possible Thieves, Places, or Items, according to which specialization you choose, in each post.

If you win again, you become a Minion 3rd Rank Hunter, and will not be affected by any traps, in addition to the 2nd Rank abilities. If you stumble on a trap, you may redirect it to the player of your choice.

The next rank is Minion 4th Rank Hunter, where you again choose your specialization and post two Thieves, Places, or Items, according to which specialization you choose, in addition to the 3rd Rank abilities.

The final rank is Minion 5th Rank Hunter. When someone attains this rank, they are declared the Series Winner and a new series begins.

The list of series ranks will be edited into the OP as the series progresses.

Series II Ranks
1st Rank Hunter: Taeth, Lady of Shadow, Dwim
2nd Rank Hunter: Frost, Tara
3rd Rank Hunter:
4th Rank Hunter: Fuin

Series Winners
Series I: Moriel
Series II: Dwim
Series III: Frost
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Elale eyed the parchment on her nightstand dubiously. She'd barely escaped with her life with the last list of requests, and she did not want to do it again today.

Hesitantly, after she'd dressed and fixed her hair, Elale took up the parchment and began to read.

Phêl zîrân,

Elale scowled. Yes, start with flattery. As if that would make up for the last set of errands.

You deserve a reward for your hard work the other day.

Her eyebrows began to crawl, slowly, up her forehead as she continued to read.

If you go to the Black Market and hunt down Sil, they'll put you in contact with someone who can custom make a Sequined Bumflap Onesie for you. I've been hearing lots of talk about how these are the new fad in not just the Black Lands but all of Middle-earth, and it wouldn't do for you to be out of fashion!

"What the heck is a bumflap onesie?" Elale shrieked.

Balrog
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Ahhh! Work was finally over for the day. Wait? No it wasn’t. For Fleeg, work at the Black Market was never over. His mortal clientele hustled about during the hours of daylight, but as soon as the sun was down his winged, undead clientele began to make their purchases. Tonight would be more of the same, but perhaps his old buddy Reg would show up. Reg didn’t believe that Fleeg worked with vampires and the goblin decided to show his friend how wrong he was!

With a swig of grog, Fleeg leaned back on his ratty, stinky, overstuffed chair. It was wonderful! What year was this this grog? The older the grog was, the more rancid it became, and therefore delicious it would be as well. A rancid grog is a good grog. No matter what that hobbit Dwim thought. Why was a hobbit in Mordor at all? Fleeg grumbled, his taste for grog suddenly gone. Where was Reg!?

He was looking for that Lava Snake still wasn't he? When was he going to give up on that? Clearly this snake was smarter than him (not a huge feat) and would continue to elude poor Reg until he accidently fell into a lava pit. Hmmm, Fleeg wondered down that trail of thought. Could he sell Reg’s corpse after he died to one of his vampire patrons? How much would he be worth?
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

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A new day, another thief, another chance at some sort of reward money, plus fame and glory, of course. The Whisper whistled a jaunty tune as she wandered toward Grobby’s Cupboard, looking for ScaryZôr.

How scary, she didn’t know. Hopefully she would get a good lead from this. Hopefully something expensive was missing this time, too. There was much more of a reward offered for the One Ring than say, snakes.

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Reg was angry (though really, when was he not?). That visit to On the Rocks had been utter shire. He'd had the shame of cowering under a table like some sniveling snaga, hadn't found Blinky, and had lost his tricycle - the most reliable form of transportation he'd come across so far in Mordor. At the very least he'd emerged with a pilfered bottle of Nazgûl Essence (he'd snatched it from some lady on his way out of the pub), from which he took frequent pulls.

Now he was on his way to meet up with that Fleeg, the big green sentient booger. The two orcs had vowed to meet regularly for PuRpoSes of cHaOs and their next gathering was to begin, at least, at Fleeg's Black Market stall. Reg was convinced that his cHAos bro was merely a purveyor of halfling bits out of One Huge Barrel Full Of Hobbits, but Fleeg was determined to prove him wrong.

He took his sweet time wandering staggering over to the market. When he finally arrived, Fleeg was looking anxious. "Well, you foul rotting string bean," Reg said in friendly greeting, "You best prove to me that vampires come here, or else." He finished off his bottle of liquor and smashed it against the wall.
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The thief HAS been found!
The item has NOT been found!
The hiding place has NOT been found!


@Gwai, within Grobby's Cupboard you have stumbled upon the Heart of Orodruin! You immediately pass through a portal into the very heart of Mount Doom where you suffer a fiery death, and cannot play for the remainder of this round (until the thief has been found and we start again)! You are free however to describe your torment or/and death and haunting of other players.

@Tarawen, within On the Rocks you have stumbled upon the Tar Pit! Here the thief has cunningly concealed a deep, wide tar pit beneath the floor and you must swim or otherwise make your way out of the hot, sticky morass before hunting again.
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Why, what was this? Ducky found himself back in the land of shadow. He didn't come voluntarily, but he'd heard that his name was slandered, dragged through the mud, indeed, that he had been accused of crime most heinous. Now that was ridiculous. He had never stolen anything in his life, except for certain books from the Towers, but he had heard this case was about the Hauberk of Angmar, not any books. Now that sounded like something Sil would do, not him. Indeed, by the time Ducky arrived, it appeared his name had already been cleared. Still, best to hide in That Dark Corner of the halls of injustice, that nobody might spot him before he could slink back out and away again.

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FLEEG YOU BLEEDIN RASCAL! Reg screamed as he stepped into and began sinking into a tar pit. HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN, YOU SLIPPERY LITTLE TREE FROG?

Reg was quite angry with his chAoS bro at the moment. Once he extricated himself from the tar (preferably with Fleeg's help, though he wasn't counting on it), he would be relatively peaceable. Right now wasn't the time for that, though.

He struggled against the sticky pull of the tar to the edge of the pit, which just so happened to be right outside of Fleeg's shop. He hauled himself out and lay there, panting, on the ground of the Black Market. Once he'd caught his breath, he began berating his bRo again. WHAT YOU SOW, YOU REAP, LEEKS FOR BRAINS!
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Balrog
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"You look like you're in a spot of trouble," Fleeg told his CHaOS BrO as he stepped into the tar put, "That's really unfortunate, it would be even more unfortunate if I didn't help you and I watched you have to climb out all on your own, but that would be huge fun for me I'll admit, you know, this reminds me of that time you tried to get Blinky to learn dog commands, do you remember that, of course you, of course you do, where was I, right, so I was saying this reminds me of when you tried to make your lava snake learn commands like sit and stay and heel and he ended up just biting you and you had to go to the hospital, oh my how I laughed then; I'm laughing now too of course, but of the nostalgia is strong right now, you and you're stupid ideas Reg, you and your stupid ideas; what did you think was going to happen when you stepped in that, did you think you were going to somehow find a portal to The Halls of Injustice and get a jump on your snake, no, no not even you can be that dumb; don't get me wrong, your are dumb, dear chAos bRo but not even you would think a tar pit would be a portal; right, right, you know just because I feel like now that was your plan, I'm gonna sneak around get me some of Írimë’s Wine Stash and watch you get out, then I'll show you the vampires, if you stop looking for Blinky for five bleeding minutes."
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

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Grobby’s Cupboard was more fiery than she had remembered, and the Whisper soon found herself transported to the heart of Mt Doom. Not the ideal vacation spot, to say the least, as she was immediately incinerated.

She found herself soon floating above some of the other thief hunters, and actually walked right through the Wizard. Fun! She thought to herself. I’m a ghost! The more pressing concern was, would she be able to drink as a ghost?

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Elale hadn't found Sil at the market, which she was grateful for because she didn't really want a bumflap onesie, especially without knowing what it was, and she wasn't big on sequins either.

She was, however, curious about what this strange item was, and so she started to ask around at the market. Eventually, she encountered an apparently well-informed hobbit named Dwim, who told her a strange tale of beauty pageants in Rohan and a tailor there who'd become entangled with an Umbar smuggler. But apparently the tailor was the one Sil had given the 'bumflap onesie' pattern to.

"You're in luck," Dwim had finished. "The tailor and Sil are supposedly at On the Rocks right now, so the rumors say. Just watch out for the One George in The Shadows. I heard it almost mauled someone yesterday."

Elale laughed weakly. "Me," she said. "It was me that almost got mauled."

However, she'd heard just enough about these strange 'bumflap onesies' to be morbidly curious. And while she wasn't a trained seamstress herself, she was handy enough with a needle and was curious to meet someone skilled enough that their reputation could spread so quickly from Rohan into Mordor, of all places.

"Thanks for the tip, Dwim!" Elale said as she headed for the door.

"Oh, by the way," the hobbit spoke once more. "The pub is a pajama party right now."

"What the heck is a pajama party?!"

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The thief has NOT been found!
The item HAS been found!
The hiding place HAS been found!


@KingODuckingham, within That Dark Corner you have stumbled upon a Variety of Snakes! Here the thief has left a variety of poisonous and non-poisonous snakes to attack whoever enters. You are bitten and must RP your way out of the situation before hunting again.

@Tarawen, you may now hunt again!

well done finding those traps everyone :googly:
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Elale wandered through the streets, then, trying to decide what she wanted to do. A pajama party sounded like ridiculous frivolity, from what she'd gathered so far, and she'd had enough ridiculousness with the strange tasks her father was sending her on these days.

Walking cleared her thoughts, though, but eventually she lost track of anything besides walking around. Conversation from the streets would occasionally catch her attention. There was some rumor about a ScaryZôr, but she couldn't make heads or tails of what the rumor actually was. She passed The Halls of Injustice in her meanderings, too, and shuddered, hoping to never have a reason to be hauled through those doors. What finally dragged her out of her wandering haze, though, was tripping over The Hauberk of Angmar a mere block away from her house.

"Seriously, who left this just lying about?" she muttered, picking up the chainmail shirt and tossing it to the side of the street.

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"¿Oye Reg?" Preguntó Fleeg cuando el gran orco tonto finalmente se liberó del pozo de alquitrán. “¿Has oído hablar de una mujer llamada ScaryZôr? ¿No? Bueno, déjame decirte algo. ¡Ella es una Zôr aterradora! Hay tres de ellas que ves. " Fleeg tomó un gran trago del grog que había estado cargando y se instaló para contar su historia.

“Dicen que nació en la cubierta de un barco pirata, no tanto nació como parecía completamente formado. ¡Ella mató a un hombre en ese mismo momento! Tiene el pelo rojo llameante y usa un Hauberk of Angmar. Dicen que es hija de un demonio y un elfo. Supuestamente, ella todavía ronda por el norte con un grupo de orcos tan aterrador que pueden matarte con solo una mirada. Ella también tiene un zorro, uno negro desagradable al que le gusta engañar a la gente para que se mate."

Fleeg se dio cuenta de que su amigo no estaba interesado en los vampiros para los que trabajaba, así que pensó que animaría la conversación con una historia de fantasmas. No creía que ScaryZôr todavía estuviera ahí fuera. Bueno ... tal vez no lo hizo ... miró en That Dark Corner y ... ¡¿Era una sombra de zorro?!
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

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Reg escupió y miró a Fleeg mientras que el otro orco hablaba. Se preguntó, ¿por qué contaría su hERmAno dE cAOs esta historia? ¿Para asustirle? Reg gritó con risa. "¡Hombre! La mujer llamada ScaryZôr no existe. Es simplemente un mito dicho para asustir a los niños de la raza de hombres."

Se levantó y obtuvo, como si fuera por magia, otra botella de Nazgûl Essence. Bebió por unos minutos y finalmente dijó, "Deberiamos irnos a los Halls of Injustice para causar más caos. ¡Imagínate como reaccionará la Boca de Sauron cuando realiza que un Jorge le mira desde The Shadows, o cuando lanzamos el Hauberk of Angmar en su cara!" Con otro grito de risa, caminó hacia la salida del mercado.
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The thief HAS been found!
The item has NOT been found!
The hiding place HAS been found!
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After giving Taeth a tip off about the pub, Dwim went on his merry way to search for his own thief. He'd been a bit lazy lately. Mordor was quite dangerous and it was hard work just staying alive, so he'd shacked up for a while and read some good books, not worrying too much about thief hunting. But he was out of money, and he needed to get back out there and have another win. He came out from The Shadows of his shack and decided to head somewhere dangerous. That's where all the thieves seemed to be, in dangerous places. He was feeling bold enough that he didn't even need to find Írimë’s Wine Stash this time to drink courage into himself. He just marched off into the world. Soon enough he could hear some folks speaking some strange language with the word ScaryZôr popping up a few times. That certainly seemed suspicious and worth investigating.

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Reg didn’t believe the story Fleeg told. Sometimes he thought that Reg wouldn't believe that Fleeg was green if he told him so. Whatever! Fleeg threw his hands up in disgust and dismay. His CHAosBrO was just going to have to find out for himself that both ScaryZôr and vampires were real the hard way. Fleeg finished off his bottle of grog and threw it in the floor. The clay jar shattered with a satisfying cacophony of irritation. “Want some more ta drink, ya ugly as an elf miscreant?” Fleeg egged his ChAos BRo on.

“I dare you to go to The Halls of Injustice, go to the Lord Month’s private chambers and go to his bathroom. Once you're there, say `Ain’t no such thing as a ScaryZôr’ three times and see if she appears.” Fleeg loomed smug, he knew his cHAOS BRo was too chicken to try it.

“If she doesn’t appear, I’ll steal you anything you want from Írimë's Wine Stash.” It was a gamble, making such a bet. It was a toss up who could be more terrifying, the sultry as fredegar barmistress or the legendary elf killer, but Fleeg was counting on Reg being far, far too chicken to try and play “Bloody Zôr" in the Lord Mouth’s private bathroom.
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

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Unfortunately, when Elale tossed the Hauberk of Angmar aside, there was One George hiding in The Shadows there, and the chainmail landed on its tail. The creature snarled and pounced, letting loose a wordless hiss which sounded, to Elale's thoroughly spooked mind, an awful lot like ScaryZôr.

With a screech, Elale kicked the creature off of her, falling backwards onto her tailbone. Fortunately, One George didn't feel like completely mauling her today, and it scampered away. As Elale limped into the house, silently glaring at her father's closed study door, she realized that maybe a bumflap onesie would come in handy after all. At least then she could ice her tailbone without having to completely go around without bottoms.

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"I pulled this here Nazgûl Essence from nowhere earlier, como si fuera por magia, you dolt," Reg grumbled when Fleeg offered some probably nonexistent grog. "And if I wanted to, I could probably conjure some of Írimë's Wine Stash, too.

"And I thought we already WERE going to the Halls of Injustice," he said, not noticing that stray objects were becoming affixed to his sticky, tarry body as he passed too closely to various stalls. There was, for example, an aged, grey shin bone now stuck to his back. Who knew what other objects might stick to his hairy figure as he passed by That Dark Corner?

"And no way I'm takin' no dares from the likes of you, you great pile of rotten earwax." Reg shook his head vehemently, taking another massive gulp of liquor. "ScaryZôr ain't real, and that's that. Now shut up and let's figure out someone to torment in the name of ChAOs!"
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Caladlethril grumbled at the small lizard peeking out from a large pocket on her robes. "Don't get any big ideas, Plucky," she told the lizard. "Just because you're the only creature I could even find in Mordor doesn't mean you're a good replacement for a proper familiar. Still...don't let ScaryZôr see you, I don't want you to get eaten just yet."

Caladlethril cocked her head, imagining a reply as they snuck around That Dark Corner, doing their best not to be seen. Though honestly, she wouldn't have been surprised to see One George slinking around there too.

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DING DING DING!

The thief has been caught!! @Taethowen has successfully apprehended that terrifying thief ScaryZôr in her hiding place in The Shadows, where she had made off with One George. Taeth, you are now a Minion First Rank Hunter! Nothing special happens.

As always in Mordor, thievery is rife, and it's time to set out after one again... a new culprit is abroad, the traps have been reset, Thief Hunt Round Two, commence!


@Gwai, you may now hunt again!
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[OOC @Taeth: Congratulations on the win!]

Dwim was a bit too late to the party. He was in the right place, with his eye on the right person, but what he thought was the wine stash was really One George. He realised he probably needed to get his eyes checked at the Shire clinic when he got back home.

But there was a new thief on the run, and this time Dwim was onto the investigation early. The primary suspect this time was Frost. He appeared to be the mastermind of the stunningly bold thievery of Ketchup the Fell Beast. Dwim wasn't sure, but Grobby's Cupboard seemed like a genius and mischievously unlikely place to hide a Fell Beast, so that's where he headed off to check first.

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(OOC @Dwim THANK YOU IT'S MY FIRST ONE. :D :D :D)

Elale sighed as her father handed her a Frosty-cold... cushion. From somewhere. She wasn't sure where, or even how he'd come across such a thing in the eternally-warm Mordor. But she wasn't going to complain, since it felt good against her bruised tailbone.

As she lay on her bed, pouting about falling on her rear and nearly being mauled by One George a second time, she dozed off. At least Elale hoped she did, because what happened next could only be a nightmare.

In That Dark Corner of her room, there suddenly appeared One Huge Barrel Full of Hobbits, and as it rolled out, all the hobbits jumped out and yelled "Surprise!" while tossing a piece of paper in her direction before they all vanished. Except for the paper.

Groggily, she picked it up and read, "Congratulations! You are now a Minion First Rank Hunter!"

Suddenly, she was very, very awake, and all the strange errands her father had been sending her on fell into place.

"IS THIS WHAT YOUR ERRANDS HAVE BEEN, Father?!" she screeched from her bed. "YOU'VE HAD ME BOUNTY HUNTING FOR YOU? WITHOUT TELLING ME?"

Balrog
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Stupid Reg! Fleeg, not for the first or hundredth time, wondered why he was ChAosBroS with the dumber than a horsecart of bananas orc. Reg was too chicken to play Bloody Zôr and apparently he was too chicken to believe in vampires. They were still stuck at the Black Market because dumber than weasel farts Regdûsh wanted to buy some cheese and couldn’t find the stall the sold it. He kept on about how he could just smell it around the corner but Fleeg knew his chaoSBro had absolutely no sense of smell, how could he and stand the smell of himself?

Finally! Reg gave up on the cheese and dedcided on something much more fun. Wait. No. Dammit Reg! Looking for Blinky is not fun! How had Fleeg been wrangled into this again? He was never going to give up hunting that snake down was he? Fleeg thought he could write a cartoon about how Reg would try more and more outlandish things to catch Blinky but he would evade the orc every single time. Yes it would be perfect! Fleeg looked smug.

“Oh sure, ChAOS BRo, I’d be happy to help you look for that Lava Snake. Oh look! Is that a snake trail over there?” Whilst the derpy orc was occupied staring at nothing, a line in the dirt, Fleeg rapidly undid the laces on Regdûsh's shoes then tied them altogether in the most complicated knot he could do in the space of five seconds.
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

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It was almost like coming back from the dead. One minute she was floating about, passing in an out of objects, the next she came crashing back down to A Cloud of Ash. She coughed. Why was there always ash? she wondered briefly, before remembering the giant volcano. She clambered to her feet and brushed her shirt off. So much for being a ghost. She had just started getting used to it.

Probably should get back to work. Or should she get a drink? Probably drink. Irime's Wine Stash was hopefully somewhere about, although from what she had seen, it was entirely possible Winddancer had drunk it all (drank? dranken? drunken?)...consumed it all.

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Reg wandered on. Various other objects were now attached to him via the tar coating his burly body: a small crystal ball, a bat wing, and a Cat O' Nine Tails, whatever that was. He was navigating the stalls of the Black Market looking for a way out. Of course, the motive was to continue the hunt for his old lava snake, but he wasn't going to admit that to his warty toad of a ChAOs BRo.

He was just about to tell Fleeg the tale of the hoppit, Jorgy, who'd punched a huge bartender, when Fleeg pointed out a potential lead for Blinky (how had the little booger known?!??!). He spun around to get a better look and immediately fell face-first onto a doormat with the words "Home Sweet Homicide" printed on it. Rage boiled in him: he suddenly was wearing shoes (who decided that?!?!?) AND the laces were tied together.

"FLEEG!" he bellowed from the ground. He wriggled helplessly in place for a moment before he could tear the shoes from his feet.

"I changed my mind!" he said to his maggot-brained friend, who was looking altogether too cute and innocent with his hands behind his back and a stupid smirk on his stupid face. "We're goin' to The Morannon. Don't ask why."
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Black Númenórean
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The thief has NOT been found!
The item has NOT been found!
The hiding place has NOT been found!


@Hoarfrost, within the Black Market you have stumbled upon Shelob's Lair! Herself is branching (webbing?) out! Shelob has decided to expand her territory, and you have stumbled upon her. You must RP your escape before hunting again.

@Taethowen, within That Dark Corner you have stumbled upon a Variety of Snakes! Here the thief has left a variety of poisonous and non-poisonous snakes to attack whoever enters. You are bitten and must RP your way out of the situation before hunting again!
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Evil is a lifestyle | she/her

Storyteller
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Dwim never quite made it to On The Rocks to check Grobby's cupboard. He had been distracted on the road. A strange fellow was about, flinging rocks this way and that. He was muttering something about the "One Ring" and "it must be around here somewhere". Beneath a Rock certainly seemed like a strange place to stash a precious ring, especially considering all the rocks around here were quite generic looking. Dwim quickly ran off the road and hid behind a rock of his own so as not to be spotted. But this soon proved to be a bad choice of hiding place. For the frantic stranger was soon coming towards him as he continued to fling rocks out of the way. "Uh oh," Dwim whispered to himself. The hobbit was about to get caught out and he had no good excuse for why he was hiding. Soon enough, the fellow had reached his rock and then, to Dwim's great horror, he flung it out of the way.

The worried hobbit was suddenly exposed, crouching on the ground looking up in dismay. As he looked up into the fellow's face, he gasped with sudden recognition. "Elenhir..."

Balrog
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So, there I was, minding my own business, messing with my CHaOs BrO (using the fourth wall to make him have shoes with laces was a stroke of utter genius) when the worst happened. I stepped on some web. I hear you, I hear you. “What’s so bad about web Fleeg?” Well I’ll tell you what’s bad: it was attached to Shelob. You may have heard of her. Nasty dame, spider, endless hunger for all things living, big as a fredegar-ing house. Yup. That’s her. What was she doing in the middle out the Black Market and why had no one seen her before this moment? Well you’d have to consult the fourth wall. Maybe she was a consequence of my earlier meddling with said fourth wall. I learned my lesson, I’m only building with three walls now. Yup, I am a fan of triangles from this point on. Still, uh, I’m trapped in the web of a very hungry, very close spider. What the hell do I do? What would you do? I screamed for help. “Regdûsh! Help! Help! She… Shelob is here and I’m trapped in her…” I paused, realizing I had perhaps been betrayed by my ChAos brO. I have to tell you now, that revelation stung a bit. “Reg! Don’t you dare leave me here you son of a baggins! You shire ball! Get back here and help me! I… I’ll show you where Blinky really is! I promise.” I had no idea where the snake was but I was willing to lie to save my life. And don’t give me that look. I know you'd do the same damned thing. Yeah, I see you over there, tutting like you’ve got a leg to stand on. Bull shire! Well I was on my own, abandoned by my best frenemy, my chaoSBro, my best pal. “Whatever Reg is offering, I’ll double it.” That didn’t work. “I’ll give you all the blood I’ve got" wrong thing to say to a spider! “I’ll give you all the humans in the warehouse!” There we go! That did it. Her horrifying mouth was right over my head, my fleeting goblin life passed before my eyes. I needed to be nicer to Reg, I decided. He was my best mate! My only maw really. Yes once I was free of Shelob, I'd be a better friend. The slider tore the webbing off me and scuttled away toward the warehouse full of vampire blood bags. That was going to be a very ugly mess I realized. It was all Reg’s fault too. Damn him. I had to put aside the warehouse for now, count it as a loss and move on. I needed to teach Reg a lesson!
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

New Soul
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A few sips of wine, and she was no longer disappointed to be back amongst the living. Or, mostly living, at least. Either way, Írimë really knew her wine.

The Whisper decided to head to Barad Dur. If you wanted to catch a thief, she reasoned, why not go for one of the big guys. Hopefully something important, too, like the One Ring or some such thing. A high profile thief wouldn’t be bad to put her on the map, either. Hopefully Sil was up to something nefarious.

Thain of The Mark
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As Elale flailed on her bed, she quickly began screeching for another reason. In her rage over the bounty hunting, she neglected to notice that beneath the piece of paper was a snake, and she had angered it greatly. As its fangs sunk into her arm, Elale's eyes flared with pain.

She sat up and grabbed the snake behind its jaw, relieved to see that at least it wasn't venomous. But then she caught sight of a slithering, hissing mass of snakes in the corner where the barrelful of hobbits had rolled out of--they had mysteriously disappeared, so why where the snakes still there?--and she swore as she finished pulling the snake off her arm and then tossed it into the corner with the others.

Elale dashed out of the room, pulled her father out of his office and shove him out the door, and then grabbed a burning log from the fireplace (from the end that wasn't on fire, obviously). She ran around to the back of the house and tossed the burning log through her bedroom window, aiming for the corner with the snakes.

Her father had followed, obviously concerned, and as she heaved a sigh of relief, he gave her a look of great confusion.

"There were snakes," she said simply. "Clearly the only solution was to burn the house down."

"Ah," he said, and stood beside her and watched.


NPF edit: The last three lines killed me. Take your points!!

Black Númenórean
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"As I was sayin'," Reg rambled on, unaware that his BrO was no longer following on his heels, "This one time, at Barad-dûr, I was puttin' up posters for the latest kegger . . ."

His rambly story was interrupted by squeaky cries for help from the little green goblin. Reg turned and saw Fleeg being freed from sticky webs by no less than Shelob herself. "Oi! Shelob!" Reg yelled. "Been meanin' to tell you, they don't make Bumflap Onesies with eight legs!" It was true; he had inquired on her behalf but forgotten to pass on this important message to the vast spider the last time he'd wandered through Cirith Ungol. Lucky for him that she'd appeared in the Market!

"Well, now, what was that all about, you mushy little asparagus tip?" Reg snorted at Fleeg. "Caught in a web and shrieking for help like some little hoppit lass and clutching at your Pearls?" He gave a bark of laughter and wandered off toward a sign that read: "Come Here And Observe Some Blundering Rude Orc Shenanigans"
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Black Númenórean
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The thief HAS been found!
The item HAS been found!
The hiding place HAS been found!


@Taethowen and @Hoarfrost, you may now hunt again!
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Evil is a lifestyle | she/her

Storyteller
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Dwim flushed with embarrassment, then sighed with relief, as Elenhir moved on without physically attacking him. The hobbit hadn't got off completely scot-free. He had received quite the tongue-lashing from Elenhir. He'd told him off about how hobbits don't belong in Mordor and yada yada, and how he had a right mind to drag him off to Barad-dûr for torture and interrogation. But he was too busy for that. He was still trying to find where he'd stashed the One Ring, although he hadn't mentioned anything about that to Dwim. The hobbit watched as he stalked off into the distance, flinging rocks here and there again. He would continue to watch him, for as embarrassing as it would be to get caught again, he had to follow him and catch him red-handed with the ring before he accused him of thievery.

Balrog
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Fleeg stared at his hoMbRe de CaOS in shock. What was this wheat germ for brains talking about? A Sequined Bumflap Onesie for a giant spider? Fleeg knew his OrB was nuts, but he had not considered how nuts until just now. Reg was spouting nonsense to a spider! At least, Fleeg reflected with a swig of his grog, the banana brain was off the Blinky hunt. If there was any consistency in this flea bitten fool, he would soon be getting to work making this onesie. Reg did not know how to sew.

“Me. Clutching my Pearls? Why you oafish dunce! Your mother was a frog and your father was a mewlip!”

Fleeg followed the overly large, toad licking nimrod passed the sign. It was clear to Fleeg that Reg couldn't read or he’d have made a joke about Fleeg blundering into the spider web. Fleeg finally picked the last bit of web off his fine clothing (much, much finer than the rags Reg wore) and collected in a ball. He hid the web Under a Rock and left it there. Her come back once Reg forgot about this incident (about three minutes given the amount of times he'd been punched in the head) and stuff the sticky ball into his Cha05 Bro'5 ear.
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Thain of The Mark
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As Elale and her father watched the house burn--and she was beginning to wish she'd grabbed some marshmallows from the kitchen first, but alas--they settled onto a rock.

"Snakes, huh?" her father asked, a bit softly and tentatively. "Are you sure it was worth burning the whole house?"

"This is your fault in the first place," Elale muttered. "Why in Arda did you sign me up for thief hunting and not tell me?"

Her father, however, was saved from an explanation as their seat shifted under them and from Beneath a Rock there crawled a strange creature clad in an odd, sparkling garment.

"Oh look!" her father cried with delight. "It's Sil in their Sequined Bumflap Onesie! Now you can get the pattern. Doesn't it look comfortable?"

New Soul
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Barad Dur is the place to be! Bumflap Onesies have gone missing! she sang under her breath, deciding trying out for Eurovision Mordor was not in her near future.

It was tough trying to track down a thief around here, though. Everyone seemed equally guilty. She decided she’d look into Elenhir first, since his name seemed the most thief-like.

Black Númenórean
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It was just like Fleeg to underestimate Regdush. The great hairy orc snorted and shook his head when his chAoS bRo began hurling insults. He was rubber and Fleeg glue, etc. etc. Obviously, the old saying was null and void when Reg was insulting Fleeg.

"Yes, you and your precious Pearls," Reg muttered, sticking out one foot as Fleeg walked past, still focused on verbally assaulting him. Fleeg tripped and tumbled and Reg roared with laughter at his BrO's new bruises. "HA! Serves you right, you sub-maggot shirehead. Did you forget your brains Beneath a Rock?!" Chuckling at his own cleverness, Reg procured some more alcohol as if by magic and chugged for a moment or two, the stuff burning his throat as it went down.

"You think you're so high and mighty, you sad, snivelling sack of potatoes," he went on, not bothering to see if Fleeg needed help up. He toddled on, out of the market and into the wasteland of Mordor. "You couldn't be more full of yourself if you had the One Ring! Well, I've got your number, Fleeg son of Phlegm," he cackled, "I know what you're really full of!"
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Black Númenórean
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DING DING DING!

The thief has been caught!! @Murder Muffin has successfully apprehended that adorable thief Pearl in her hiding place Beneath a Rock (notice in my supreme benevolence that I have accepted your usage of Under), where she had made off with a Sequined Bumflap Onesie. Mama's Murder Muffin aka Frost, you are now a Minion First Rank Hunter! Nothing special happens.

As always in Mordor, thievery is rife, and it's time to set out after one again... a new culprit is abroad, the traps have been reset, Thief Hunt Round Three, commence!
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Evil is a lifestyle | she/her

Balrog
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Reg’s insults were as dumb as his face, that is to say, very, very, very dumb. But how dare he insult his mother! Yes, she had the unfortunate name of Phlegm but it meant something different in goblin than it did in the common tongue. He would not stand this insult! His eyes narrowed as Reg the Derp left the market. He was going to get him back for this. Now if only he could remember which rock he had put the spider web under. Great, that’s just great. Wonderful really. In his rage over Reg’s familial insults, Fleeg forgot where he put his ammunition. Stupid Reg and his stupid Pink Tricycle face. Great, now Fleeg’s insults weren’t even making sense. This was the worst day of Fleeg’s life!

It was time to bring in the big guns. Or big crossbows as it were because what the hell is a gun? Fleeg was going to need some help getting Reg back. Who better than PoshZôr? She was almost as scary the other Zôr but she was better with the insults (don’t let ScaryZôr know he thought that). The question was where to find her. She lived in Umbar which, last he checked, was not in Mordor. He didn’t know much about the world beyond Mordor other than it wasn’t Mordor. Was Umbar north or south from here? It wasn’t by water was it? He shuddered in horror at the thought. No, no. No would be crazy enough to build an entire city next to water. It would fall into the ocean! Fleeg laughed at himself, being so silly over nothing.

A letter. That was the best thing he could think of. A plea for help. It was too bad there was no post office in Mordor (Mama’s Murder Muffin should really get on that). Maybe he could go the Ringwraith Review and ask how to get a hold of her. He knew he’d get a bunch of dumb answers, mostly from Reg who loved hanging out there and heckling (so did Fleeg to be fair), but if he could get at least one idea that would make this worth it. So, on he trudged.
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Sage of Khazad-dûm
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Ellsiva had been avoiding Mordor, preferring the familiarity of Umbar, without it's high and might airs. However, she had heard tell that a spike in thievery had occurred in the Dark Lands and had crossed the border, hoping to get some of the action. Some of the artefacts on the lost list seemed a bit suspicious to Ellisiva, a sequined bumflap onesie...what was that? As she had never heard of it, the woman presumed it was highly rare and valuable. However, it was not for her to question why but to find the who, where and what. So she started her explorations at The Morannon, suspecting Krumhur had taken Grond.
Family Stealtharm | Sil's #1 Property | Knowledge of a woman, pride of a dwarf | Khazâd ai-mênu!

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Istari Steward
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In the land of Mordor, where The Shadows lie, Ducky was having the time of his life. But not in the good way. He had been accused, yet again, of stealing something, and now he was being relentlessly pursued by vengeful evils. He hadn't even done anything! Like he had ever heard of something as ridiculous as a Grobby. What even was that? If he knew what it was, well, he probably still would not have stolen it, because it sounded yucky. Unless it was a feathered aquamarine type bird, but that seemed unlikely. It seemed more likely that Jorgy had set him up, perhaps innocently, since he wouldn't know the customs of Mordor, necessarily. That didn't help Ducky in the moment though. If only ducks were as good as eagles at carrying one out of a sticky wicket!

New Soul
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So close, yet so far. Why couldn't she just say one of these other people was the thief, even if they weren't, and take off with the reward money while the courts sorted it all out? Or whatever passed for justice around here. Or perhaps she should find who caught the last thief, and steal their reward money. The more she thought about it, the more she thought that was probably the best option. But who was Fleeg? It was dreadfully unclear, making it difficult to pull off a robbery.

She headed toward the Lava Snake Racing, hopefully to run into Ducky, who seemed the sort who would steal a One Rotting Leg O'Las. The going market rate for it was not particularly amazing, and she couldn't imagine who would actually want it.

Thain of The Mark
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Elale and her father sat in silence for a long time as the house continued to burn, slowly crumbling into charred wood and ashes. Sil had wandered off somewhere, muttering about needing to change now since their onesie was covered in soot, but Elale had ignored them, mesmerized instead by the flickering flames, and watching closely to make sure none of the snakes made their way out of the fire.

"Don't you need to be heading to On the Rocks?" her father asked.

"What?"

"That tailor, Taethowen. She's there right now. You're going to need a job if we rebuild."

"If you knew the tailor's name," Elale ground out through her suddenly clenched jaw, "why did you send me on a wild goose chase through the Black Market? And why would you think she'd be hiring? Rumor has it she's from Rohan. I'm not moving to Rohan. It's too... green." Elale shuddered.

Elale's father hemmed and hawed. "I have my sources," he muttered. "Rumor also has it she's looking to open up a shop here in the Black Lands..."

She noticed how he trailed off without actually answering her first question about the wild goose chase. And then it hit her, and her eyes narrowed.

"You snuck out to try and pet Ketchup the Fell Beast again, didn't you?!" Elale moaned. "You almost lost your head last time!"

Black Númenórean
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Fleeg had gone all quiet when Reg brought up the little alfalfa sprout's mom. Reg might be big and dumb, but he was not altogether unobservant. Fleeg was up to something. Reg narrowed his eyes and hissed through his teeth, just as Blinky had done so many times. Gahhhhhhh, Blinky. That foul blasted lava snake! His best and worst friend all at once! The snake had probably disappeared into the Towers of No Return, and that was that. They weren't called the Towers of NO RETURN for nothing. A single tear ran down Reg's hairy face.

Where had his mind wandered? Fleeg had walked on as Reg was caught up in memories of his dumb lava snake. Reg hustled after his ChAOs bRO, stooping to scoop up something evil and hairy as he went. Fleeg was still ahead, seemingly still preoccupied with the next insults he would hurl Reg's way. Regdush snorted, and the creature clutched in his hands wriggled fiercely.

"SURPRISE, BAGGINS!" he screamed, chucking One George into Fleeg's face as the green one turned at the sound of his shout. "EAT THIS!"
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Storyteller
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Dwim had missed out again. Elenhir was too quick for his short hobbit legs and had gotten away easily. In the meantime, another thief had been caught. Thief hunting certainly was easier in the Shire!

After creeping around for a while, looking for new clues, he finally heard something else that might be useful. Someone was talking about Taethowen, the tailor, but Dwim had misheard it as "traitor". He thought that was an excellent lead, because if anyone was likely to have stolen something, it was probably a traitor. He also eavesdropped that she was at On The Rocks. Nice! Now he knew who and where, he just had to figure out what. She probably was keeping an illegally acquired Lave Snake or something, and he was going to catch her with it.

Black Númenórean
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The thief HAS been found!
The item HAS been found!
The hiding place has NOT been found!


@Dwim, within On the Rocks you have stumbled upon the Heart of Orodruin! You immediately pass through a portal into the very heart of Mount Doom where you suffer a fiery death, and cannot play for the remainder of this round (until the thief has been found and we start again)! You are free however to describe your torment or/and death and haunting of other players.
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Evil is a lifestyle | she/her

Balrog
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What in all the stinking hells?! Fleeg had just turned around at the behest of his dear ChAoS bRo only to see a giant tube rat flying toward him. He shrieked as loud as he had when he was forced to bath and threw his hands up in the air to protect himself. Thank Melkor though, Reg had awful aim (Fleeg suspected it had something to do with his ugliness actually throwing him off balance but there was no way to test such a hypothesis). Fleeg watched the One George sail over his head, jaws snapping like a crocodile (he’d never seen one but he imagined that’s what they looked like). It was with great amusement and smugness that Fleeg watched the creature collide with PoshZôr who had somehow materialized out of the ether to stand right in the way of Reg’s practical joke. Fleeg started laughing. He howled and giggled until his sides hurt and his breath was gone. He collapsed on the ground as he laughed and laughed at the torture Reg was about to face for having tossed his weasel at the woman (he did have enough presence of mind to remember that euphemism and save it for later). Surely his ChAOS BroTheR would be sent to the Halls of Injustice to clean the Lord Mouth’s chamber pot.
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Black Númenórean
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Reg roared with laughter as Fleeg flailed and wailed while One George sailed toward his face. His laughs died, though, when one foul musky stinkbag soared right over the other foul musky stinkbag and hit a very intimidating lady right in the face. "Oh fredding shire!" he screamed before running into a Cloud of Ash to hide himself and his shame (with the added benefit that later, he could jump out and scare the bejeezus out of Fleeg).

Anyway. What would Blinky do to evade this fancy and intimidating dame? Regdûsh pondered a moment within the swirling ash storm. Slither away and never come back, the scaly scumbag. He shook his head. Maybe Fleeg was right - it was time to give up on the lil venomous noodle. But could he ever truly give up on Blinky?!

He compartmentalized these feelings away and began to sneak toward Fleeg, the little ash hat. Como si fuera por magia (¡otra vez!), the cloud floated along cooperatively as he stalked, so he was essentially a walking ash cloud. He could get used to this! Maximum sneaking potential!
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

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