Thief Hunt::Series V

"Going to Mordor!" Cried Pippin. "I hope it won’t come to that!"
Orc Chieftain
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"Who would want to steal Ketchup the Fell Beast?' And how?" Naelia thought to herself when she first heard the rumors.

Now all she had to do was find them and track down their hiding place. Deciding to start in her home base of Barad-dur, the minioness' mind drifted off to that of her nuisance Elven half-sister (like it always did when she witnessed somebody heading off to the Pits, since she still secretly feared someone would try to set Lathana free. just to get back at her for whatever reason) as she began to search for clues as to the thief's identity and why they would want to try to make off with a creature that was reserved for the Nazgul, in case one of the others came to an unfortunate end.

Out of the corner of her eye, Naelia could have sworn she saw the she Elf Fuin, seemingly up to no good. "How did that she Elf get in here?" the minioness thought to herself, still wanting to get revenge on her for setting a trap upon her when she herself seemed to become immune for working her way up the thief hunt chain, as it were. "Let's see you try that again, when you're found guilty of making off with one of the Nazgul's favorite steeds!" Naelia sneered, as she continued to follow the she Elf.
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He who commands the Ruling Ring... commands all

Black Númenórean
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The thief has NOT been found!
The item HAS been found!
The hiding place has NOT been found!
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Evil is a lifestyle | she/her

Balrog
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[The first part of this missive is missing. Scorch marks, blood stains, and ink blottings litter the rest of the parchment. It appears to be a letter from Fleeg Phlegmson to one Bubosha. The hand writing is terrible, with words misspelled, smooshed together, crossed out, rewritten, and crossed out again. Below is the best approximation of the letter]

So I had him. I had the Toad by the throat. Do toads have throats? Anyway, not important. The point is, I had him. I’m glad I had that gunpowder. I would have never been able to capture him without it. What luck eh? The next time we see each other I’ll enact what I did so you can see exactly how heroic and badass I looked. Beyond the point. Sorry, I get sidetracked sometimes. Okay. I had the Toad and I was taking him to The Morannon where I was gonna toss him into Ketchup, the Fell Beast’s mouth and the world would suddenly become a better place. We really just need to get rid of all the lawyers, right? I’m sure you agree, given where you work and all. Just toss into the volcano and wipes our hands.

Sorry. So I was going to toss the Toad in, but Ketchup was missing! What the hell? He’s never out and about. He just sort of… I have no idea. I don’t know what Fell Beasts do in their free time. Point is, he was missing. I was just sitting there with a licked toad in my hand and, wait a second. It just occurred to me that maybe licking the Toad made me hallucinate. Was Ketchup there the whole time? Oh Great Fleeg in the Sky that would be embarrassing.

Anyway. I needed a way to get rid of the Toad and complete my revenge. So there I was, alone, against a sea of enemies. Where could I turn? I, the lone goblin. There was no one I could trust, no one I could turn to for aid. But then it occurred to me. Blinky! Blinky the Lava Snake.

I have a question about lava snakes. Are they made of lava? Or do they just live near lava? Are they immune? I should ask Blinky.

Anyway. I found the old lava snake, hanging out The Georges! Can you believe it? Crazy right? What are they up to?

Sorry, got to go. The Georges are getting antsy and they keep looking at me like they’re going to eat me.

Fleeg
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Black Númenórean
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The thief HAS been found!
The item HAS been found!
The hiding place has NOT been found!
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Evil is a lifestyle | she/her

Balrog
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So, there I was, facing down a horde of The Georges with nothing but my wits and my charm to keep me alive. I’d offended them, how I wasn’t sure, but they were hissing mad and they were all looking at me. Suddenly I forgot my mission to destroy the Toad of Consistency; the only thought I had was to escape. I had too much to live for, too much yet to accomplish. I wasn’t about to be taken down by some giant, admittedly terrifying weasels. No ma’am! So what did I do? Well, to answer that, I need to ask you a question. What Would Fleeg Do? I knew what Fleeg would do because, well obviously I’m Fleeg, but if you weren’t Fleeg, which you aren’t, what would you do? Would you try and fight your way through? Grovel and beg? Distract them with a steak the size of a goblin? If you’re answer was steak, then you’d probably have handled it better than I would. I’m not to proud to say I groveled and begged. I’m alive, right? I told them all about my plan and my motivation for getting the Toad (who had escaped in the meantime). It seemed to placate them. I owed them a huge favor, but I managed to get out of that situation with my face intact. It seems they too had had a run in with the infamous Toad and were willing to let my go on my way to enact righteous vengeance. The Toad had many enemies it would seem; he was, as they say, Consistent. Once free of the Georges (I’ll tell you the favor I owe them here in a minute) I began to look for Blinky, the snake I was meaning to see. It wasn’t actually him that was hanging with the Georges like I believed at first, it was Georgie. I guess that makes sense in some weird way. I had no idea where to look though. I had sent him a letter once through the post office, but I had no idea what the address was or how it got delivered. I was too scared to visit the pub, every time I go there it seems there’s a portal to Mt Doom that kills someone, and I couldn’t let myself get killed, not now with vengeance on the line. I was not going to let the Toad get away with all his dastardly plans! No. I did the next best thing though. Through my contacts in the underworld, I was able to pass a message through to him at Cirith Ungol. What he was doing there I could only guess, and I’d rather not speculate on what sort of criminal activity goes on up there. Scary place that, it’s were spiders and scholars hang out. What’s more terrifying than that? He said he’d meet me, told me a location (I’m not gonna say where yet just in case someone is listening in), and told me to be there in three hours. Ketchup, the Fell Beast is as good as found and fed with the two of us on the case.
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 528 
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 3:21 am
The thief HAS been found!
The item HAS been found!
The hiding place has NOT been found!


@Call of Bearthulhu, within Cirith Ungol you have stumbled upon the Heart of Orodruin! You immediately pass through a portal into the very heart of Mount Doom where you suffer a fiery death, and cannot play for the remainder of this round (until the thief has been found and we start again)! You are free however to describe your torment or/and death and haunting of other players.
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Evil is a lifestyle | she/her

Balrog
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fredegar. fredegar, goddammit, I fredegar knew it was going to happen! fredegar shire ass balls baggins fredegar Curufinwë! I… well I suppose you can infer, gentle readers, that I found the heart of the volcano. Of course I did! I’m mother fredegar Fleeg! I have the worst flea-bitten ass fredegar loser in Mordor. I knew I shouldn’t have gone to Cirith Ungol. I knew it. Blinky fredegar tricked me! That little snek bastard! I’ll Yank his face off! Arhghhh! There’s only one thing to do now. fredegar shire up. I figured out Blinky was in league with the Toad, buncha scale fredegar sneaks those two. What the hell did I ever do to them? Sure I licked the Toad, but that jumped up squat faced dick had it coming. He’s a toad! Melkor made them so we could lick them. They aren’t supposed to be lawyers! fredegar it. fredegar it all! Just leave the bottle. I said… wait, you can’t fredegar hear me anyway. I’m a goddamn ghost. Imma wreck this place and there’s nothing you can do about it, you good for nothing shire monkey. “Oh I’m Frost, I’m all spidery and tall and will fredegar anything that moves.” You’re an asswipe with chiseled abs and lats for days. You ain’t shire. You have great hair, sure. But guess what, I don’t even have hair so I don’t care about how shiny and perfect yours is. You have tattoos? Big deal! My friend grows fredegar mushrooms in his belly button! Yeah, bet you can’t do that, you little baggins ass, tall as a drink of water stud! I want my tequila! How dare you cut me off in the middle of my story! You pretentious blue eyed asshole. If my friend Reg were here… he’d hide under a table because apparently, he’s scared of you. Well fredegar you. Yeah, I said it. fredegar you. You horse hung lonely jerk. Ever been fredegar in the ear by a ghost? Wait… did he see me? Oh shire! fredegar! Dammit, not now! Oh… oh that little Toad has some nerve coming in here and sitting in my old spot! That daft Curufinwë! That madman… madtoad? Whatever… I have to admire the cojones on him. Do toads have cojones? Is it like withers with horses, where you think it’s referring to something dirty but it’s completely ordinary and boring. I’m dead, I have a lot of time to think. Oh fredegar hell! Reg! You traitorous asshole! Why are you sitting in our spot with him! He’s the enemy! Wait… no! No! You were working together?! Reg, you smelly twhit twoo! You betrayed me. I loved you like a brother and you betrayed me? Et tu Reg? You know what, I’m gonna shire in your lutefisk and you’re gonna eat it. fredegar fredegar!
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Orc Chieftain
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Joined: Sun Sep 06, 2020 6:23 pm
"So, it was that slithering snake known as Blinky that tried to make off with Ketchup the Fell Beast!" even Naelia herself was having a hard time believing it, unless Blinky wasn't what he appeared to be.

Flabbergasted at such a foolhardy idea, the minioness still wasn't successful at tracking down the thief's hiding place. "If I were a Lava Snake, or just a regular snake, and was guilty of such a crime, where would I hide out?" Naelia thought to herself. Where would Asmodeus hide? the minioness recalled, thinking of the new Lava Snake that her trusty Orcish helper, Orngor, managed to find for her after her last one was carried off by a spawn of Shelob in a IK Racing practice run. At least Asmodeus happened to actually win a race, rather than being eaten! Both Naelia and Asmodeus were taking a break from racing while the minioness was catching up on some neglected duties.

She now found herself searching through the Halls of Injustice for some odd reason. "Would this be a good place to hide for such a creature?" Naelia thought to herself as she began to search for one of the littliest creatures guilty of a crime in the Land of Shadow.
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He who commands the Ruling Ring... commands all

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 528 
Posts: 1866
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 3:21 am
The thief has NOT been found!
The item HAS been found!
The hiding place HAS been found!
Image
Evil is a lifestyle | she/her

Orc Chieftain
Points: 648 
Posts: 318
Joined: Sun Sep 06, 2020 6:23 pm
"Looks like I was wrong about the identity of the thief!" Naelia thought to herself, now realizing it was actually none other than the Georges that were guilty of making off with Ketchup the Fell Beast. "That makes a little more sense..." the minioness thought to herself, since how could a Lava Snake be guilty of taking such an item? "Unless Blinky isn't what he appears to be." Naelia thought to herself, even though she now knew that was not the case.

Continuing to search through the Halls of Injustice, she wondered why the thieves would want to make off with one of the preferred steeds of the Nazgul. "It looks like someone, or more accurately, two someones, suffer from some delusions of grandeur!" the minioness thought to herself as she continued to pinpoint their exact location.
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He who commands the Ruling Ring... commands all

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