Until now.
Two doofuses, an idiot goblin named Fleeg and a moronic orc name Reg decided one day that they were going to buy it. When asked what the hell they were thinking, buying up a haunted ruin, Reg simply said “Uhhhhhhh…” and Fleeg said “Spa.” Thus, the Uhhhhhhh Spa was born.
For the next six months the two were hard at work building and rebuilding, exterminating and re-rebuilding until they finally had it built. Fleeg was able to leverage the earnings he’d been making at Druviz Kadar, his murder hornet apiary and Reg was able to pitch in money from his palmistry business (though the exact origins of the money remain a mystery) and now it is time for the Uhhhhhhh Spa’s Grand Opening!
The building still looks run down, but that’s by design. Can’t have anything looking too nice and fancy, that would attract elves and humans, and who needs them! Is that a dragon spine on the roof? And is that a leviathan skull? How much did this cost? Mig is going to be very, very upset when he looks over the finances.
The doors are made of wood Reg found near the Warg Pits, its holey, half rotted, and doesn’t fit the frame, but he was very insistent that these be the doors.
Once passed Reception, any goblin, orc, or troll lucky enough to get inside will find their olfactory senses assailed with half a hundred different scents, some of them good, some of them bad, most of them unidentifiable and they’re best kept that way. The Spa itself is divided into a dozen rooms with an outdoor covered cafe in the back.
The east wing of the building is devoted to lockers (Fleeg and Reg were very clear that they were not liable if anything went missing).
The first room encountered is the Massage Parlor where a variety of goblins and orcs masseuses and masseurs offer a variety of services, ranging on a scale of relaxing to life-threatening. Tables, built in varying sizes to accommodate the variety of client sizes, are lined up in the middle of the room. Private rooms are also available upon request but do cost extra.
Beyond the Massage Parlor are the Mud Baths, holes dug into the ground with a variety of mud and temperatures ranging from pleasant to scalding death.
Next is the Yoga Studio. A raised platform overlooks a wide, empty space large enough to accommodate a class of two dozen goblins, one dozen orcs, or three trolls. Here is where Fleeg conducts his many yoga classes, designed to help his students become more flexible and more attuned to their bodily needs.
Next there is a large indoor pool, however this is not used as a pull, rather this is where Reg grows his many varieties of organic mushrooms and fungi he uses in the cafe. This area is off limits to all but the most exclusive clientele.
Directly opposite the pool and its fungal gardens, is the Art Studio where, once they hire someone, art classes will be conducted.
Outside, across from the café is the Zen Garden. At the moment, the Zen Garden is under construction but patrons should feel free to pull any of the weeds, thorny bushes, and brambles as an exercise in patience and serenity.
Once passed Reception, any goblin, orc, or troll lucky enough to get inside will find their olfactory senses assailed with half a hundred different scents, some of them good, some of them bad, most of them unidentifiable and they’re best kept that way. The Spa itself is divided into a dozen rooms with an outdoor covered cafe in the back.
The east wing of the building is devoted to lockers (Fleeg and Reg were very clear that they were not liable if anything went missing).
The first room encountered is the Massage Parlor where a variety of goblins and orcs masseuses and masseurs offer a variety of services, ranging on a scale of relaxing to life-threatening. Tables, built in varying sizes to accommodate the variety of client sizes, are lined up in the middle of the room. Private rooms are also available upon request but do cost extra.
Beyond the Massage Parlor are the Mud Baths, holes dug into the ground with a variety of mud and temperatures ranging from pleasant to scalding death.
Next is the Yoga Studio. A raised platform overlooks a wide, empty space large enough to accommodate a class of two dozen goblins, one dozen orcs, or three trolls. Here is where Fleeg conducts his many yoga classes, designed to help his students become more flexible and more attuned to their bodily needs.
Next there is a large indoor pool, however this is not used as a pull, rather this is where Reg grows his many varieties of organic mushrooms and fungi he uses in the cafe. This area is off limits to all but the most exclusive clientele.
Directly opposite the pool and its fungal gardens, is the Art Studio where, once they hire someone, art classes will be conducted.
Outside, across from the café is the Zen Garden. At the moment, the Zen Garden is under construction but patrons should feel free to pull any of the weeds, thorny bushes, and brambles as an exercise in patience and serenity.
Need any help finding something? Ask any one of our very helpful staff members (all are gm-able by the characters, but do be reasonable):
Gabby Tammie Swampback: a wizened but very skilled goblin masseuse with six fingers on her long bony hands
Granny Charlene Scrapmingler: human, in charge of the mud baths, may or may not have a cactus growing out of her shoulder
Vroomsha: head sous chef, goblin, also wanted for grave robbing, likely unrelated to culinary skills
Gog the Troll: expert masseur, also keeper of the snails
Vark: orc, security guard
Tembard Ungleheim: goblin, in charge of acquiring spa supplies, very cranky, age indeterminable
Sok: accupunturist, troll
Grolgrayrzrat: orc, barber and groomer, Reg and Arthur's distant cousin
Thread Rules:
1) Godmoding only okay with the staff who aren't cHAoS brOs
2) Please post your location at the top of your post
3) Don't be a doofus, or do, whatever
4) Updated: Don't be a twhit twoo to the staff, otherwise the TR reserves the right to godmode the situation to their discretion