The Old Mailing Tree

For Fangorn is old, old even as the Elves would reckon it.
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Deep in the Forest, there stands a tree. It's an old tree, barely carrying leaves but there is an aura of life,
of vigorousness and a presence about him although he might be looking defeated and almost dead.
It's The Old Mailing Tree, standing tall and proud on a glade near where the Lithian River mingels with the waters of the Entwash.
Everybody in Fangorn knows him, holds him in high regards and seeks him to send and receive messages from distand lands and friends held dear.
Put a letter in one of the crannies or knotholes of his gnarly bark, or put one down at his roots or up on one of his branches and it will disappear eventually.
Trust, it'll be send then, by what means nobody ever observed and it will arrive hastily but safely at whatever address might be written on it.
Call it a miracle, but this in Fangorn, mysterious and full of wonders.



Imageooc: This is an IC thread. Or if you can't be IC then at least be utterly funny. Post a message to one of the Ents, Ent-Wives or Fangorn residents or one to any resident of the other kingdoms by tagging the name first so that the tree knows.....
Like
@Nienna , Fangorn, Foothills 337
My dear old hag...etc.


you get the idea
thank Eru for Narv, for the tag thingy and the tree for its postal service *lol*
Last edited by Nienna on Tue May 26, 2020 10:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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@Finduilas Faelivrin, Minas Tirith, Gondor

My dear friend,
long have I not written to you and I do regret that very much. But times are strange and require work and care in my garden and in the forest.
I hope, this letter finds you well and life is treating you good.
How is the Apothecary, are you still busy working on new formulas and medicinal concotions?
If so, I will try and come to Gondor to the Marketplace some time soon, to seek for new herb-seeds for my garden and of course, I could need a soothing balm for my rouhg hands, too.
Stay safe and till we meet again.
Your old friend
Nienna

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@Nienna

Dear Nienna,
How lovely to hear from you! Yes, I am back at the Apothecary. At this writing I am awaiting the delivery of a wagon load of supplies, herbs, seeds, and gadgets for the place. What fun it will be when it all arrives and I get to put everything in its place. There were a few supplies left in the store cupboards when I arrived, and I've already had a few visitors to the place for tea.

Oh, I know what you mean about rough hands. I've got a concoction going that will be the ticket for your hands (and mine!).
Next time you are in White City, please do stop in and we can have a chat. Hey, wouldn't it be fun to spend a day running around collecting herbs like we did that last time? It seems like an age ago! We can bring a picnic lunch and some baskets for collecting. I look forward to seeing you again.
All the best, my old friend,
Findy

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@Taethowen

Dear Taeth,

I'm leaving Edoras for a few weeks, partly on Cavalry business, and also for some personal reasons. However, when I was in your shop for a chat just before departing, I'm afraid I may have left a particularly pungent goat's cheese somewhere among the fabric bolts. It might be underneath a bundle of cloth or tucked away in a corner--I can't really recall. But I'm sure you can track it down by smell, if need be.

Your Scatterbrained Friend,
Thalionwen

@Culfinwen Lihtarwe

Dear Culfy,

I had to dash for a few weeks for some Cav stuff and some mystery errands. But I had a bit of a slip up and might have left an unfortunately ripe goat's cheese somewhere in Taethowen's shop. I warned her about it, because I'm not a *terrible* friend, but if it's there and you found it first and disposed of it, I'd be eternally in your debt. Anything to look like less of a disaster maiden than I actually am, don't you know?

Yours in love, haste, and perpetual disorganization,
Thalionwen
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@Elvheimdros

Dear Elvh,

I hear you've just returned to Edoras. Were I there I'd greet you, but unfortunately a number of things have called me away. I'm in the middle of an Edoras-based crisis, though, and could desperately use some help.

You see, I've lost a rather large cheese somewhere in Awesnis gærwe nædleprica--@Taethowen's old store, which she's taken over again. I warned her, and sent @Culfinwen Lihtarwe on a covert mission to retrieve the cheese, but have heard nothing from either and am beginning to fear they're plotting. It wouldn't be outside the realm of the possible for Taethowen to present me with a cheese-scented kirtle or cloak, and you know if I'm given a gift it would be rude not to wear it. But I don't fancy wandering about the Riddermark smelling like a goat's sun-warmed udder, whatever manners require.

Could I possibly prevail upon you to also look for my prodigal dairy item? I'd be ever so grateful, it is WEIGHING UPON MY MIND something fierce.

Your formerly respectable, now sadly absentminded friend,
Thalionwen
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@Thalionwen

Dear Thali,

I encountered a rather strange odor in my shop the other morning, and finally tracked it down to a bolt of Eriador linen, and at first I thought one of the children wandering the Riddermarket had left behind their snack until your letter arrived that afternoon.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ERIADOR LINEN COSTS?! The entire bolt was ruined, Thalionwen. Ruined. I washed it in as many concoctions as I could conceive of trying to get the smell out, to no avail.

However, what is a mere bolt of FRIGHTFULLY EXPENSIVE ERIADOR LINEN cloth between old friends? Instead of payment for the loss, I merely ask that you refrain from bringing cheese into my shop anymore. Lest you forget, there is now a sign posted on the door to remind you.

Also, this letter should hopefully be accompanied by a parcel. As I now have a spare bolt of Eriador linen, I took the time to make some summer gowns for you and your girls. Please do let me know if there any issues with the fit!

With much enduring patience love,
Taethowen
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@Thalionwen

SUBJECT: EMERGENCY

Mission failed STOP Cheese smell too difficult to track STOP Filled the whole shop stop Also I had a cold STOP BE WARNED STOP Taeth not too happy about it STOP Trying to send faster post but not sure if this pigeon is reliable STOP Maybe I should have just gone with the tree STOP
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@Taethowen

Darling, Beloved, Exceptionally Dear, etc etc, Taethowen,

WHO KNEW that a length of fabric could be so expensive??? Surely not I! But I promise on my honor that I will never intentionally bring cheese into your shop again. Where do we stand on eggs, though? I just...I feel the need to clarify. Perhaps we could set up a bin, so I can leave things at the door if I have happen to stop by laden down with stock for CweÞ Ciese? Of course then there's the matter of me remembering to use the bin, which might be trickier.

The dress is certainly very, very lovely, if a tad, um, tighter and lower-cut than I would perhaps have chosen for myself. However, you've been in Gondor for so long and I've been shut up in a backwater farm in the White Mountains, only occasionally leaving to go to...well, never mind about that. But, I'm sure you know far more about the latest fashions than I do. If this is it, I shall wear your gown proudly. Honestly, in my line of work, I smelled like cheese most of the time anyhow. I'll think of it as excellent advertising for both of our shops! Perhaps cheese-scented gowns will soon be all the rage, and we'll have more custom than ever, between the two of us!

I appreciate, as always, your forbearance and your skill with a needle, though you really must be careful about not leaving pins in the garments you make for customers--there were several remaining in my pungent and eye-catching new dress, and I was quite a pincushion by the time I got it on.

Had to have help to get it off, it's so tight, but that it is neither here nor there.

Sending heaps of love, and reminding you of ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER, what is a little wayward cheese between friends, please don't hold a grudge, you know that's always been your worst habit,

~Thalionwen

@Culfinwen Lihtarwe

Dear Culfy,

Have received several strongly cheese-scented gowns, and mine in particular makes me look like an absolute roadside strumpet. All is lost. Also, I've just recalled that I left a few stray eggs in amongst the half-priced bobbins. Couldn't bear to bring it up to Taeth. Do you think she's found them already, and does she know they were mine? Really, they could have been anyone's eggs, they roll around so much that it's hard for even the most organized of us to keep track of them.

Hope the cold is improving, and I wish I was back home this moment to fuss over you and make you eat soup.

Ever Yours,
Thali

@Elvheimdros

It is too late. Worst fears re: cheese-scented gown have been realized. Am in the depths of despair.

Welcome back to Edoras. Some things never change.

~T
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@Thalionwen

Thalionwen.

I found the eggs, even before I found the cheese, but was going to ignore that incident as they had at least remained whole and were contained to a not-terribly-expensive basket of sewing trinkets. Also, they were delicious.

To clarify on the cheese matter, the sign on the door now states NO FOOD OR DRINK. And seriously, your shop is not even three doors down from mine. I will not be offended if you go drop off your goods at CweÞ Ciese and then come back to Awesnis gærwe nædleprica for whatever visiting or tailoring needs you require.

There will be no bin. We would both trip over it and die.

Your Eternally Forgiving Friend,
Taethowen

P.S. I have no idea what pins you might be talking about. I would never do such a thing.

P.P.S. You've been acting strangely lately, and I will get to the bottom of this. You're hiding something. I know it. You're quite terrible at keeping secrets, you know.

P.P.P.S. Please send your best soup recipe for colds. @Culfinwen Lihtarwe is still sniffling and coughing terribly.
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@Moriel

Consider this an I O U

No I’m not actually paying you, but next to this letter I’m nailing a hoppit. I’m not really sure if they go through the postal system but I hear hoppits know a lot about sending letters so I’m sure between him and this weirdly sentient tree it’ll all work itself out. Hoppits all have lots of treasure buried in places so just shake him upside down a few times and I’m sure my debt will be repaid. Or is that leprechauns? What’s a leprechaun anyway?

Love and kisses

Sil

P.S. the answer to What is a Leprechaun is, apparently, “Nice in a potato stir fry”.
she/her/this goose is on fire
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@Thalionwen Just got back from an inadvertent trip to Dale. Cheese from there is very good but apparently your problem is too much cheese already. Unclear how I'm supposed to help?
May the Horse be with you.

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@Taethowen

Adored, Worshiped, Best Beloved Taethowen,

I am glad the eggs were to your taste. I have introduced a new breed to my current flock, and while they are by far the ugliest, most unfortunate-looking hens I've ever seen, they do lay an excellent egg.

While you are, as ever, magnanimous beyond measure and gracious in your forgiveness, I resent the implication that I would trip over a bin. I am graceful as an elf, and twice as poised. But for your sake, I will endeavor to remember to look after my own business and drop my wares off at my shop before turning up at yours for a good gossip or some new ribbons.

Enclosed you will find a small packet of dried mushrooms to add to any soup @Culfinwen Lihtarwe consumes. They look incredibly sinister and unappetizing, but are a variety I discovered recently and have tested on myself, so never fear, they are not poison. But they will open up the nose and throat more or less immediately, with only the briefest of unpleasant effects. Amazing, the things you can find in *large, scribbled ink blot*

Sorry, must have dropped my quill. What was I saying?

I don't know why you'd suggest I have a secret of some kind. We all know I'm terrible at those, so I just don't bother having them in the first place. I am, as they say in Gondor, an open book. The most transparent maid in the Riddermark. If I stood sideways on a clear day, you'd be able to see straight through me.

Anyway, have to run, as I'm going to the theater tonight. Can you imagine??? We never have theater in Rohan, just someone standing there chanting one of those incredibly long and boring epics, where everyone ends up dying at the end.

Will write with my impressions of the production.

Yours in haste, excitement and absolutely NOT in secrecy of ANY KIND,

~Thalionwen

@Elvheimdros

Dear Elvh,

You are NO HELP WHATSOEVER, what is in Dale that could POSSIBLY have been more important than my CHEESE EMERGENCY?????

~Thali

PS: Does your sporadic return to Edoras mean you'll be rejoining the Cav at some point? Inquiring maidens want to know.
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@Thalionwen

Dear Thali,

Hopefully this strange tree will get this letter to you quickly, though I have honestly been impressed with the speed of our correspondence so far.

Should these mushrooms be added to the soup while simmering, or right before eating? They are, uh... rather noxious in appearance, but as you are the hælend among us, I will trust your advice that these will not harm our dear @Culfinwen Lihtarwe.

I'm curious about this... theater event you mention. Perhaps if you enjoy it, you could bring the idea of it back to the Riddermark when you return from... wherever it is you are (I. Will. Find. You.) While I do love a good ballad, we could definitely use some more variety when it comes to entertainment.

I'm not sure what "If I stood sideways on a clear day, you'd be able to see straight through me." is supposed to mean. That's not how transparency works, dear.

Anyways, I will watch for further instructions on the mushrooms, but it may be a few days before I can respond again as well, as I also have my own Cavalry business to attend to.

Taethowen
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@Thalionwen

Dear Thali,

Please send help. I think @Taethowen is trying to poison me. I was curled up in bed, surrounded by piles of used hankies and bemoaning my fate, when she brought me a very strange-smelling soup. She assured me it was vegetarian, but I swear I saw an ear floating in it. Something shriveled and wrinkled, at any rate. Also, the soup was green: not a happy green like broccoli or peas, but a sort of brownish, sickly green. Even the carrots had turned green! (At least, I hope those were carrots...)

I was going to just eat a bite out of kindness (after all, she had tried to make me soup) but she watched me and kept encouraging me to take bites. I had to eat the WHOLE THING. INCLUDING THE EAR. Then she took the bowl, still smiling, and left me alone in bed, staring at the ceiling, as my stomach began to gurgle.

It played a symphony last night, my dear Thali. Every instrument under the sun, plus a few that were brought into existence only through the sheer agony of my intestines. Admitted, somewhere along the way, the symphony (I think it was the flutes, maybe the oboe) DID clear out my sinuses. When I woke up, I was feeling better (despite what was a clear attempt to kill me)... At least until I looked in the mirror.

WHATEVER WAS IN THAT SOUP HAS TURNED MY HAIR GREEN. I refuse to go out in public until this is solved.

Send help, and some auburn hair dye.

Culfy

(OOC: Going on a quarantine-approved holiday to the other side of my country and won't be able to check the Plaza for a few days)
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@Thalionwen

THALI!

Something went terribly wrong with the mushrooms.Or maybe @Culfinwen Lihtarwe is allergic to them. She is feeling much better now, but she barely let me in the house to check on her the next day, and this SHOULDN'T. BE. POSSIBLE.

Her hair, Thalionwen. Her beautiful, red mane. It... I can't even comprehend how this might have happened, but it had to be the mushrooms. That's the only explanation for it.

Where in all of Arda could you have possibly found mushrooms like these?

Bewildered and confused, and just a little frightened,
Taethowen
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@Taethowen

Dear Taeth,

I am PERPLEXED by your account of the mushrooms. I ate them MYSELF and suffered only minor ill effects, which were far outweighed by the benefits! I tested them on several new friends as well, though it stands to reason their responses would be a bit different. However, there was one trial in which a slight color change occurred. I'll have to modify the dosage for human--I mean general--consumption.

Given the one instance in which a change in hue occurred (which I honestly and genuinely thought was a fluke, and possibly unrelated to the mushrooms) I believe @Culfinwen Lihtarwe's hair may return to its previous color in a week or two, once the very last of the mushroom has left her system.

If it does not, I have sent Culfy a powder which can mixed into a paste, applied to the head, and which will upon application will return her hair to its usual glorious auburn.

I think.

But I must run, I've got loads to do yet today.

Similarly bewildered and confused, but don't worry, there's no need to be frightened,

Thali

PS: The theater was an EXPERIENCE, I look forward to sharing a further account of it when I return home. Did you know they equip you with decaying fruits and vegetables to pelt the performers with? I had no idea! I never heard of such a thing happening in Elvish productions.

@Culfinwen Lihtarwe

Dear Culfy,

Have enclosed a packet of dye, which will *surely* mend your upsetting hair predicament. All of this is incredibly strange, but I'm sure that our darling Taethowen had your well-being at heart.

Perhaps, hypothetically speaking, she was given a new varietal of mushroom by a friend who knew it had great healing potential, while still being primarily untested. And then perhaps she gave it to you, upon said friend's assurance that the mushroom would help with your cold. Said friend was likely distressed over you being ill while she was away for unspecified purposes, given that she's normally the one who gets to fuss over anyone who's feeling poorly, and to care for them herself.

Or it could be Taeth was just out foraging and is really terrible at it.

Anyway, MY DEEPEST CONDOLENCES re: your hair, it is truly the most beautiful hair in Rohan and I'm sure before long will have returned to its former auburn glory.

Your very very very very dear friend, who only ever wants to see you well and healthy,

Thali

@Elvheimdros

Dear Elvh,

As you have not answered my very important letter, I am presuming you've died tragically, somewhere in wherever it was you said you'd gone. It is very tragic, and I wept. Will shortly be announcing your death in Edoras, unless a response is received with exciting updates regarding your travels in Dale.

Your Bereaved Friend,
Thali
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@Arnyn

*The letter was placed within the tree by a gloved hand. The man who'd brought it here had undertaken the journey alone. He'd not stay the night in Fangorn, yet he'd linger close enough by. This was not the only letter that would need be sent, short as it was. But each of them had been chosen and placed for their own speciality. Bradic's knowledge of herbs, Taedwyn's easy going nature, and Balcetir for his mind. There were others. Each of them had a group from which to grow. Growth was important but it needed to be done right, like spores, disappearing into the earth and then sprouting up numerously. Yet for all the preparation this had taken, the letter seemed ordinary enough. The ink was the same color black used by scribes, scholars and merchants everywhere, though perhaps it flowed slightly less smooth, one would have to touch it often though to even notice the difference. Balcetir believed subtlety would be the key. And yet only a few words could have a great effect. As well as other things. On the outside the note was simply addressed to "Kaylin" inside, it seemed the message so short, it was barely worth the ink.*

"You lost your honor. We know."
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@Sil ,

Apparently weirdly sentient trees don’t like having hoppits nailed to them because there was no such creature here when I received your letter, only a blood splotch suggesting the shape of one. And an angry tree that promptly tried to strangle me, It’s lucky my reflexes are good and my tongue silver because I had to explain to it that this was all a mistake of some kind.

Consider your debt doubled. I take payment in coin, hoppit eyes, or crispy elf ears. Can always use the latter two to pay off a bar tab. Maybe try subtlety and put them in a bag.

Have you managed to solve your sloughing problem yet? We’ll have to get you a wheelie bucket before long.

Smooches,

Moriel

P.S. Try leprechaun curry, I hear it’s lovely

P.P.S. Don’t tell the tree
Evil is a lifestyle | she/her

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@Thalionwen "I was hoping silence would simply allow you to be distracted by other concerns, as the facts of the case are rather embarassing. One doesn't expect a sometime commander in Rohan's Cavalry to wind up captured by a rogue Easterling chieftain, would you? But I least I gain some glory for an escape, although perhaps I shouldn't mention the incompetence of his other guards. Any way when we got away Dale was the closest place we could get to that might be called civilization. Although I have to say I wasn't expecting to receive your letters - two of them! - from an exasperated Dwarf who said he had been following me for days. Why do the Ents even have a branch office in Moria - excuse me, Khazad-Dûm?"

Elvh had barely scribbled his note on a scrap of parchment he'd left stuck in his pocket, handed it back to the Dwarf who stood there tapping an impatient foot, and wandered on to another hallway, when he heard Thalionwen herself step up next to him and hiss in his ear. What in all of Middle Earth was she doing here?
May the Horse be with you.

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Dear @Dwim,

I was taking a long and pondering walk in the forests of Fangorn, and I spied a familiar face. It was buried on the forest floor, and I realized it was an old painting, one you must have had commissioned back when you spent some time ruling.

I thought you would certainly like it returned to you, so I have included it in the envelope. Do try not to lose it again.

Image

P.S. Though if you do lose it again, I'm sure I can simply mail it back to you.

Best,
Toasty
they/he/mischief

Ilmarë
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To @Mor Toast:

I am writing to inform you that I have found the remnants of my best twittery flute and stuffed blue birdy, both of which have been burned to a crisp. And when I say "burned to a crisp," I mean that the flute is all melted and the bird is just . . . an ash heap.

You are the prime and only suspect in this crime. Please send an explanation for this at your earliest convenience.

Yours sincerely,

Tarawen
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

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My Dearest Keeper of the Fried Fowl Fluffy Blue Bird-

It shocks and astonishes me that you would, nay, could think I had anything to do with the ashen heap that was once your bird. Simply because I bear the title Toasty does not mean I toast things without consideration. Rude.

I am certain that the blame can be laid squarely at the feet of the, erm, the... hobbits. Who are often cooking things indiscriminately, and constantly throwing parties. Certainly a hobbit must be to blame. Especially those brewers, constantly tasting a little too much of their own wares, if you know what I mean.

Surely if you found a hobbit brewer you would find your culprit. Especially a careless one that leaves paintings of himself lying about the forests of Fangorn.

Best of luck,
Toasty
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Dear @Mor Toast,

What a surprise to hear from you! That was indeed a commissioned painting from my time as Ruler of Mirkwood and the surrounding Wilderland. I feel that a little too much artistic liberty was taken by the painter of that picture. However, although less than flattering, it does provoke some wondrous feelings seeing that old portrait again.

I cannot conceive of how it ended up buried in the forest undergrowth of Fangorn. I don't suspect any Wood-elves have been hanging about in Fangorn recently? It certainly wasn't the case in my day. Although I did hear a rumour that the Prince of Mirkwood, Legolas, had stopped by that forest at one point. Surely he wouldn't have carried my portrait all that way?

Nevertheless, I thank you for returning this piece to me. It is a very thoughtful gesture. I will dust some of the dirt and leaf litter off of it and put it in a frame. For I have retired to the Shire now. It is a peaceful place to live out my remaining days after the mayhem of the past. A portrait of my past glory will make a great addition to the hallway of my smial. You are welcome to visit some time. I am brewing some new ale as we speak.

Your grateful friend,

Dwim

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@Thalionwen
An undisclosed location that is not Imladris, Lothlorien, Mirkwood, or the Grey Havens

Dear Thali,

I have yet to see Culfy since the mushroom incident, but am hoping that all is well with her. I've stopped by her house from time to time with more soup--though without the Mushrooms of Dubious Nature--and while there has been smoke coming from her chimney, her curtains are drawn and the house is silent as if she isn't home.

It's not like I discovered the mushrooms and gave them to her to experiment with them! You swore they were safe. And I don't blame you for thinking the other incident of hue-change was a fluke. Who would have thought a mushroom could have such side effects?

I am uncertain if she has tried the powder you sent, and equally as uncertain if she will speak to me again for the foreseeable future.

Lonesome in Edoras,
Taethowen

P.S. Ah-ha! So you're not anywhere among the Elves, then, since we've already determined you cannot keep a secret, and you always try to make someone look in the complete opposite direction.

P.P. S. The Elves would never let fruits and vegetables get to any sort of state of decay before they were consumed, whether by elf, man, or beast.

P.P.P.S. I *will* find you and figure out what you're hiding.
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To @Thalionwen,

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I made money today off of collecting some garbage
and I thought of you.

p.s Attached is enough to cover some of the principal and the interest.

Eo Doro

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@Elvheimdros

Dear Elvh,

I feel there are a number of valuable life lessons to be learned from your recent mishap:

1. It is irresponsible not to answer your mail for so long, NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, and even more irresponsible to just...run away...in Khazad Dum if we happen across each other and you've been scandalously lax in your letter answering

2. You should never be embarrassed to tell ME you've gotten into a scrape, remember who you're talking to, Pickle. My entire life has been a series of misadventures and I will SURELY NEVER JUDGE, as long as you STAY IN TOUCH

3. No matter where you go, my emissaries will find you

4. #3 sounded more ominous than I meant it to

5. Anyway. I am sorry about the Easterling and your pride and will tell ABSOLUTELY NO ONE about any of this so as to spare you unnecessary embarrassment, but I appreciate your honesty. Hope to catch you in Edoras soon.

Your Relentless Friend,
Thalionwen

PS: I am doing a scavenger hunt at the Riddermaket during Summer Festival, and if you don't make a brief appearance to at least say hello, I will list you as one of the hidden objects participants are expected to find.

@Taethowen

Dear Taeth,

DID YOU KNOW that our mutual friend Elvh was recently captured by some hideous Easterling bandit and kept prisoner for quite some time??? He's most embarrassed about it, so don't say anything, but if he turns up in Edoras again and @Culfinwen Lihtarwe is still in hiding and refusing your soup, you could always bring a bit to him. While not mentioning that I told you any of this, because I said I would keep it secret.

I can't imagine why Culfy hasn't emerged yet, but I should be home soon to prepare for the Summer Festival and am sure we can sort things out. We'll convince her to make an appearance for the Festival, at least--you know she loves a party, and we can always put a sack over her head with some eye holes cut out if her hair is still dreadful. You'll have to do that though--I wouldn't know how to hem the holes properly, and she'd get bits of thread in her eyes on top of everything else.

No, I am not among the elves, you know I have always found them uppity and judgmental. Anytime I come across one, they always try to give me advice. "Why don't you get your life together, Thali? etc, etc" and I beg pardon but my life is FINE and it is NONE OF THEIR ELVEN BUSINESS.

Your Very Put Together And Serene Friend,
Thalionwen

PS: Enclosed you will find several spools of thread I thought you might like. They are an atrocious colors and smell awful, but are very very strong. Preternaturally strong. Not sure if you need smelly, unbreakable thread at the shop, but it seemed like something you could find a use for.

PPS: The girl who's been feeding my new chickens has suddenly refused to do it anymore. Could I possibly prevail upon you to toss them a handful of grain as you're able? If you see said girl and she calls them Murder Chickens, don't listen to her, they only behaved like that because they could sense her fear.

@Rivvy Elf

Dear [redacted] in case anyone is reading my mail,

Mount Doom is sulfurous,
A place of chaos and fears,
I'd never charge you interest
Because I like your ears.

Hearts and kisses,
Thali

PS: Would it upset you if I moved to [redacted] so you don't have to come to Rohan as much? You can say yes if it would, I know that space is important and we do not have a precisely traditional arrangement, but after all my time spent in [redacted] it's really grown on me. It's not nearly as bad as everyone says.

PPS: Also I got kicked out of the Cavalry and may need to leave Rohan for a little while to avoid a disciplinary hearing. I did NOTHING WRONG and they were MEAN TO ME, it was extremely upsetting.

PPPS? PSPS? PSSS?: I do have to stay here another week or two for the Summer Festival, but it will be lovely and you should come. I will give you free cheese and there will be lots of ponies. Also then I can hide behind you if I see either of the Cavalry Marshals, as you're so nice and large.
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To: My Esteemed Colleague and Prime Suspect, @Mor Toast
cc: The Hobbit Brewer Currently Disguised as a Chef, @Dwim


Toasty:

This crime bears all the hallmarks of one of your classic KA-BLOOIE! moments. Scorched earth, innocent casualties, and a shameless bid to blame others. You are still suspect número uno, pal, but out of fairness and respect for the law blah blah I guess I'll also rope that hobbit brewer into all of this.

Dwim:

You stand accused by the Toast (who is no doubt trying to deflect blame from himself, but whatever) and me (sort of) of using your ales to spark some pyrotechnics that mean I can no longer warble with my little friend the Warbler (aka my favorite stuffed birdie friend). WHAT SAY YOU?!

Warmest regards,

Tarawen
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

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To: Le Flower of Accusation (@Tarawen)
CC: Sneaky Hoppit Brewer Chef (@Dwim)
Re: How Could You Accuse Me of Such a Thing / You're Both Preposterous

Birdie

Ha! Of course it does, thus making it the perfect set up! Don't you see how perfectly laid those scorch marks are? Don't you see that a set up like this would only lead to one person? It's too clean, to precise-- and besides; you've seen my scorch marks. I'm a creature of chaos. This can't possibly be my work.

Elf Face Guy

Glad you've got your portrait back; I'll be happy to visit. You owe me for postage; shipping isn't cheap in Middle Earth.
Also: J'accuse!

Hiding under a new guise, are you? Suspicious.


Warmer regards than Birdface, because I'm literally on fire,
-Toasty
they/he/mischief

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@Thalionwen

Dear Thali,

... Elvh? Who is that? I don't quite recall. He must be in some of those memories that I lost... oh wait! That Elvh.

...actually, no, I'm still drawing a blank. But either way, being captured by Easterling bandits sounds HORRIFIC, but I'll do my best not to let your gossip slip, provided I can actually remember who he is when I see him.

@Culfinwen Lihtarwe should most certainly come to the Summer Festival, even if we have to drag her there screaming.

I suspect you're beginning to feel the pressure of this secret you're lugging about, Thalionwen. You should just tell me the truth before I- *ink splotch*

Oh dear, I'm running out of room for this note. I left my good stationary at home today.

Forgetfully Yours,
Taethowen

P.S. Not only does this thread look and smell odd, it's sticky. But it might make for some quick hemming.

P.P.S. Where in all of Arda did you find half-naked chickens with TEETH and red eyes? If they didn't act exactly like any other chicken, I wouldn't have thought they were chickens at all. I snitched a few of the eggs for myself, though, in payment for feeding them.
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@Thalionwen

[The first part of this letter is not legible due to the amount of rips and tears through it]

And I will [redacted] lands for this insult against me! Against my wife! You're moving with me, yes! Come ovah anytime, preferably soon! I'll go to this festival; count on it!

P.S: Attached is a gold bracelet from Rhûn. I think it matches your hair.


'nonymous Bosch

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My dear friend @Tarawen,

I cannot reply by Eagle-mail, as Eagles are not permitted to fly into the Shire, by ruling of the High King of the Reunited Kingdom. But your correspondence has reached the post office at Tuckborough, and so excited was I to read mail from you that I've opened it even before returning home. Could you imagine my shock then upon reading that I have been accused of criminal mischief.

But first, before I begin to defend myself, I must express my sincerest condolences to you for the tragic loss of your beloved Warbler. If I can do anything to help you through this time of grief, please let me know.

Now on to business. I know that The Toasty One is my accuser, however I do now feel that I should prove myself to you.

I understand that as Ruler of the Woodland Realm, I did develop a reputation for frivolity and perhaps recklessness, brought about by the occasional explosive accident involving my barrels of Dorwinion wine. But those days are behind me, and I now have a much more intimate understanding of how to handle different forms of alcohol without causing extreme incidents. My Shire brew is beginning to gain its own reputation for its fine quality and distinguished taste.

You will notice that I have restored my title to Hobbit Brewer. It is a shame that my ambition to also be a Hobbit Chef has helped build a case against me. But nonetheless, I have relinquished that title to show you that I have nothing to hide as a simple brewer. Also, as a show of good faith, I have sent you two mini-kegs of my latest brew by wagon, as the brew is finally ready for distribution. I do hope you enjoy. This will also give you the opportunity to inspect the ale's make-up and discover that there is nothing explosive about it.

For fear of being too long-winded, I will leave it at that.

Your friend always,

Dwim

_________

To @Mor Toast,

You will notice that I am no longer addressing you as "dear Mor Toast". You are now a "to" to me. This may change in the future, depending on the sincerity of your apology.

I currently owe you nothing. Yes, shipping is costly in Middle-earth, especially because you insist on using Eagle-mail. But false accusations are even more costly. I, like Tarawen, suspect you have accused me of this crime to deflect blame from yourself. Whether you are guilty of this mischief, I will not judge.

You have taken advantage of my recent acquisition of some new chef skills, implying I am using that as a cover. More importantly you have taken advantage of a friend.

My invitation for you to visit still stands. I was willing to help smuggle you in (as outsiders are not allowed in the Shire). But now I will leave it up to you to find your own sneaky way in. Please try not to set the place on fire.

Testy regards,

Dwim

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NPC post
@Turin Ringhûn

*The letter once more was placed within the tree by a gloved hand. Balcetir was a careful man, even though there was less reason for the gloves right now. He did not like Fangorn. He felt more at ease in the city. But more than any of the other two he knew the importance of timing. Of building. The risk was higher in the White City due to their previous attempt. But that was long enough ago and few enough people knew about it that hopefully it would not matter. At least it wouldn't deter the outcome they were hoping for. The results of this letter would be interesting to follow. Would it simply be ignored, brushed aside, or would they actually ferret out the culpable party. Either way it would be interesting to watch and it would tell him more. Taedwyn was getting close to his goal, and he was eager to make progress as well. But his assignment needed somewhat more care. Some people were simply less expendable than others. The letter left and Balcetir walked away.


Do you know that within your ranks you harbor a criminal. One who would harm the innocent. A ranger who has forfeited honor and duty. I know you would not stand for such behavior. Cut out the rotten spot before she spills the whole crop.

One Concerned."
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Kill-Stealing Skirt Wench
When others ride out to win renown, let me chosen to tend the house.

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@Dis

I could not help but notice your poor gaseous Pony at the Axe throwing contest. That was you was it not? The poor beast had the vapors very bad. Oh and the incident at the Mirrormere too. I have some herbs - Peppermint, and Mint that should help with that.

Kind regards

Dr. Oak, your humble physician and herbalist.
Huorn of Fangorn

Ilmarë
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Dear @Dwim the Brewer,

Thank you very much for your kind and thoughtful message and for stepping out from behind the guise of Chef. (And no less thanks for the ale. It is delightful and, as promised, not explosive. Yet.) Your measured response is certainly counteracting years of evidence that indicated you are a wild partier.

I fear, however, that we must unite face-to-face to take down the dastardly schemes of the Toast. Any further letters we send might be intercepted by that notorious fellow, and I'm too lazy to make up a secret code. Might we arrange a meeting in, say, the Shire?

Yours in fellowship,

Tarawen


To: @Lucifer
From: Me


I see you are trying to use rhetoric to sway me. To that I say - the truth will out! I am in fact arranging a meeting with other interested parties to bring you to trial for your crimes. You better watch out, is what I'm sayin'.

No warmth,

Tarawen
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

New Soul
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Dearest darlingest dapper dashing @Dwim --

Well, I may be just a to to you, but I am not one to play such games of aloofness. And you know what? I will certainly take you up on your offer for a visit. Then we can lay these accusations being tossed about quite to rest.

In the meantime, HERE ARE SOME D WORDS to show you exactly what I think of this whole affair:
DRAT! DARNing my socks!
DOO DOO!
DOORWAYS!
DON we now our gay apparel!
FA LA LALALALLAAAA!

P.S. I'm afraid I've lost your address in all the kerfluffle. Would you be so kind as to send it along, or, in the absence of entrusting me with -- mayhap name a favorite river you like to brew by? Perchance I might meet you there, to -- er, clear up-- this whole sordid affair.

P.P.S. I'm quite partial to pubs.

-Lucifer Toast


@Tarawen BIRDFACE

IT'S ON. LIKE A CERTAIN DONKEY MONKEY.

I will be in the Shire shortly on a visit to this apparent INTERESTED PARTY, so I shall see you forthwith.

-FIERY
they/he/mischief

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@Tarawen and @Lucifer,

Meet me in Bywater, at the Green Dragon Inn. You should find me in a dark corner.

We will settle this matter over a drink and a tasty meal.

Safe travels,

Dwim

Ilmarë
Ilmarë
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Dear @Dwim,

Excellent. See you there.

Not so excellent that @Lucifer will be there, too, but we shall have it out.

See you soon, old pal,

Tarawen
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

New Soul
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Dear @Dwim & @Tarawen whoever you are I forgot your names because you're both quite rude:

Shirehole tootin', I'll be there!

I may be an outsider, but you can be assured I shall be quite clever at achieving entry to the Green Dragon
NO PROBLEM
Ok bye

See you there

FIERY FREDEGARIN' OL' SCRATCHY SENDS HIS (er my) REGARDS
-old scratch, ol' rip, ol' fart and all that
they/he/mischief

Loremaster of Gondor
Points: 303 
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@Eldrith

Turin was going about his daily routine when he received a nondescript letter, not to mention how said letter was delivered. He was used to doves coming and going dropping messages off, but this ...

Taking a moment to collect himself, he proceeded to open and go through its contents. The message was straightforward and to the point.
He furrowed his brow and shook his head. "Bull."

Yes, it was true there was no way he'd stand for anyone to forfeit their honor and duty, but every Ranger he knew would not harm an innocent. This had to be a joke.

***

Turin was at the place. He had to ask around to find out where to go for such a message to be delivered. The old post in Minas Tirith wouldn't be able to do this, he knew.

It was probably the first time, no, there was no probably. This was the first time he'd ever been to Fangorn. He had to admit, as much as he liked trees, he was not a fan of the place. He'd found the place he needed to go and placed the letter. It was on the back of the one he'd received.


"One Concerned,

I don't know if this will find you but I hope it does.

I do not who you are, or what you're trying to instigate. But there is no way any Ranger I've been associated with would ever do what you claim. Please refrain from spreading salacious lies and do yourself a favor and do not seek attention this way.

Turin Ringhun."
Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy- Stonewall Jackson
Hubris guarantees disaster.- T C

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@Rivvy Elf

A letter from a few years ago [May 19th, 2017]. Parts of it has been made unreadable, however.

[Erased Name]
The Secret Location of the Sons of Feanor Bros. Pictures Headquarters
Imladris


Swaylod Maylod (Is this how it's spelled?), my old friend!

It has been far too long, my fellow lady Viceroy! I have been meaning to write to you for the past 500 years, but it keeps slipping my mind. You see, I am living in Lorien right now. Oh the land is so compelling, and charming. The trees carry a mystique all year round. You should move here, [furiously erased name! ^_^

They love me here. They love my singing, love my dancing, and love my acting. They do not insult my hair, so they must love it too! Hah! I told you that dyeing my hair blue would make me loved all throughout Beleriand and Middle Earth! But did you listen? No, you did not listen. "You speak like a simpleton you exiled airhead! Blue is unnatural. No elf would ever dye their hair blue. What are you thinking you stupid idiot?" you would say. Who's the idiot now? (a rough sketch of a face sticking out their tongue is seen). Maybe now, I can convince you to dye your hair pink! Pink suits you, my friend.

Oh, I suppose I should also report on that assignment you gave me. Remember that you wanted me to search for Maglor? Well, I tried you see, tried my very hardest. I looked for him in all of the major settlements in Arda. After all, where else can he receive enough sustenance by being a musician? But I could not find him, despite all of my efforts! So... I decided to go to Lorien to find some answers for myself. And answers I did receive! I finally am accepted for who I am! Maybe you should come too so you can have a similar thing!

Before I forget, can you give greetings to the other viceroys? Have they found the shiny jewels yet? You know, the really shiny ones that you warn me never to talk in open about? I do so would like to borrow one of them, it would look good with my light blue hair.

Hopefully this letter finds you soon! If anybody else reads this letter, please send it to [location scribbled out].

[Pictures of hearts and kisses],


Fingsanya

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@Taethowen

Dear Taeth,

Am on my way back to Edoras after my recent travels. Did I mention anything before I left about being sent out of the Cavalry in disgrace before fully getting back in? I can't recall whether it came up or not. But anyway. I'm in disgrace. And apparently must appear for some sort of disciplinary hearing? Before the Marshals and the King? It sounds tedious, to be quite honest. I'm not sure yet if I'll actually turn up.

I hope none of this leads to any awkwardness should I come across either of the Marshals at the Summer Festival. Thankfully I should have some company of my own to keep me busy, and perhaps all will go smoothly after all. I'm sure I'm fretting about nothing. Odd though, how coming home fills me with all manner of worry, and I didn't feel a bit anxious when I left.

This is probably all nonsense. You should take this letter and toss it into the fire, and forget you read a single word.

I've missed you, and can't wait to see your dear, dear face.

A somewhat blue but deeply devoted,
Thalionwen

@Dwarrow Elf

Heorte min,

The bracelet is quite perfect, as are you. I'll wear it every day until fate brings us back together again, which cannot be soon enough.

~Thali
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To @Lucifer in the guise of Naokis

You are a strange duck, or lizard, or human. I can't quite tell what the hell you are, but I will admit to being fascinated. How are your figurines? Have they kissed yet? What happens when they finally do? Does a curse lift.. or does a curse begin? I'm fascinated by curses (and cursing). Will you have to change your name when the figurines kiss? Will you then become Thækist? I have some many questions and I'm sure you're not going to answer a single one, but it's worth a try.

Ever Weird,
Frost
Ora pro nobis, Lucifer | Sorry I don't treat you like you're perfect like all your little loyal subjects do

New Soul
Points: 1 141 
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hello hello @Frosty the Snowman no fingers pirate face guy--

it's me, naokis which i guess you know
interesting thing, figurines
sometimes they kiss
sometimes they haven't actually kissed yet ever i just said they kissed because i really wish they would

duck lizard human. interesting. i'm not actually sure i just woke up like this. these ears do feel a bit pointy. do your ears point? are they weapons? why are ears?

also i think i'll share this form soon. maybe my figurines can, too. we can all have pointy ears and parties. probably.

also my name might change. for now it's got a maapheed...
mouphid
mahp
mahphed
on it

ok have a good time pirating
hope you find your fingers

-me
they/he/mischief

Thain of The Mark
Points: 914 
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@Frosty the Snowman

Dear Wench,

I am on my way back to Rohan for a Summer Festival that will take place there in a matter of weeks. In Edoras, I own a modest but well-regarded cheese shop. Given my increasing need of money and increasing lack of moral scruples, I would like to offer my shop to you for smuggling purposes during the festivities, in exchange for 40% of your profits.

Let me know if we can do business together--I'm acquainted with a very fine tailor in the city too, who could make a cloak in just the right color to bring out your pretty, pretty eyes.

~Thalionwen
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@Thalionwen

Dear Thali,

I'm glad you're on your way back! But... NO. You mentioned NOT A THING about being discharged from the Cavalry in disgrace. What in all of Arda happened? A disciplinary hearing?! YOU?! I'm so confused, and also a tad worried.

I'm sure that, as long as you're not doing anything that could be seen as betraying the King, then the Marshals will be consummate professionals and not bother you about Cavalry issues on the streets. But who am I talking to--if there's a person who would never betray Eomer-King, it's you. Bema's horn, you haven't an evil bone in your body!

And... Thalionwen! Do you have a beau?! How have you not mentioned this before? I expect all the details upon your return!

Equally devoted and worried,
Taethowen

P.S. I had a very strange dream the other night. You were chasing me around with a hatchet and trying to chop off my hand. But surely it's just because of stress. I have my own Cavalry challenges right now as well, after all.
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@Lucifer

Naokis,
You raise many interesting questions, question I don't think I've ever considered. Why are ears indeed! Do they serve a more greater function than aesthetics? I know many an orc that have no ears at all. Do you think they cut them off? Would you ever cut your ears off? I don't think I'd ever cut my own ears off. People seem to think I'm pretty and not having ears would ruin the image. They don't seem to think the lack of fingers mars my figure though. Isn't that strange?

You're right though, I should probably look for my fingers. What if I found gold fingers? Would I be prettier then?

Ever Weird
Frost

@Thalionwen

Dear Thalionwen
It's so good to hear from you! I was afraid you might have been eaten after all that craziness in the pub. You have a cheese shop you say? Well this wench does love a good cheese wheel. Travel between Rohan and Udun is not very cost effective. Might I suggest a more permanent move to Mordor. I really do think you'd fit better here than with all those uptight horse lovers, plus we have much more interesting food and drink. As to opening a business venture together I could not be more delighted! There is a seriously dangerous lack of cheese here in the Dark Lands and a partnership between us would go a long way in rectifying that mistake. 40% seems fair as well, and speaking of fair, I think I'll have to travel to Rohan myself to inspect the cheese. Any chaos that might ensue because of my presence in Rohan would just be a bonus.

Yours,
The Wench
Ora pro nobis, Lucifer | Sorry I don't treat you like you're perfect like all your little loyal subjects do

New Soul
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@Frosty the Snowman

i think ears are not all that fancy
don't know that much about gold but probably not good for gripping stuff
might be prettier though

maybe you should get some figurines and ask them what they think
i've always found mine to be most.. enlightening

ok bye
they/he/mischief

Counsellor of Gondor
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@Aigronding Mordagnir

For Astaro,
at The Prancing Pony, Bree

If you were attempting to travel without drawing attention to yourself then you chose the very worst hat. I spotted it from two villages away. Such was the extent of it’s unrivalled vulgarity. I would advise you to lose the foolish get-up or, better still, destroy it. For if you lost it, you might find it again. And then where would we all be ?

I will be where you are heading. You know where that is. Everyone who stood in hearing distance knows now where that is. Nevertheless I am sure that, between us, we can entertain ourselves with any surprises who happen to crop up.

Look for me there. You will not find me but I will find you. Particularly if you have not rid yourself by then of the abhorrent headwear.

E.S.
The board is set. The pieces are moving.

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@Frosty the Snowman

Dear Wench,

Funny you should suggest a move to Mordor, as I've been contemplating just that. The climate is marvelous, and there are so many employment opportunities for an enterprising person like myself. However, I will admit to being surprised by how readily you agreed to my request for 40% of the profits in our exciting new arrangement--given your temperament I suspect something UNDERHANDED and possibly SORDID is in the offing. I will be keeping a close eye on you, now and in all our future interactions. I don't trust you for a single moment, you slimy pirate, but you *are* rather ingenious, and charming to boot. Upon your visit, please remember that this is MY TOWN, and any chaos must be approved by ME, the founder and originator of all Edoras-based shenanigans to date.

Yours Suspiciously and Avariciously,
Thalionwen
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@Lucifer

Naokis

I should get my own figurines. Do you know where they get made? Did you make your own... do they make themselves?

What if they tell me things I shouldn't hear? What if they say things I can't understand? There are so many languages out there, what if I find figurines that speak lizard to me? I don't speak lizard. Not well at least.

What do you do if they tell you things that scare you? Do you throw them away?

Sorry I've asked so many questions. How are you?

Yours, the Pirate Guy

@Thalionwen

Thalionwen

I must say, I am shocked, shocked that you wouldn't trust me. I am the most honest smuggler you're going to find in Mordor and as to accepting your steep price well, we shouldn't get into the particulars of that over letters. That would just be crass, don't you think? There really are so many jobs to do in Mordor! I thought I heard through grapevine (or is that the bramble bush) you were opening a stall in the Black Market. Is that true? If so I will absolutely have come by and see you, provided your husband doesn't try to murder me. How is he by the way? Is he still mad about the whole pub thing?

I could tell you so many things about my trips to Rohan. I remember a time with an old friend. She was a Rohir too that moved to Mordor. We came back for a festival and nearly caused a riot just by showing up! AH, good times. Anway, I will bend to your will in Rohan. Just know... there will be chaos, it follows a minion around like flies on a horse.

Yours,
The Wench
Ora pro nobis, Lucifer | Sorry I don't treat you like you're perfect like all your little loyal subjects do

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