Limericks!

Original writings and artwork by Tolkien fans.
Elven Enchanter
Points: 2 265 
Posts: 1451
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:15 am
There once was a minion in quarantine
Who was rather bored from being unseen
And making a bit of code
The Plaza made an abode
For all the crazies to again convene.
Image
Artanis / Éomund / Brandor / Zarâm

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
There once was a duck from Nantucket
Who was very obsessed with his bucket
He filled it with eggs
Drained his glass to the dregs
Then dropped the whole thing and said "Pluck it!" :smiley21:

Edit: 60 percent of this poem was not my creation, for the record

Chef
Points: 810 
Posts: 406
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 5:03 am
I mean I already wrote 40 percent of @KingODuckingham's limerick, but here goes nothing.

There once was a big fan of birds
Who liked feeding them lots of big words
Such as "aren't you a beaut"
And "you sound like a flute"
And she listened to them sing in thirds
they/them/actual hobbit in search of a merrier world

Chieftain of The Mark
Points: 1 204 
Posts: 656
Joined: Fri May 15, 2020 10:53 am
A shirriff from Farthing-stone Junction
Whose feather had long ceased to function
Combed Shire fields pleasant
In search of a pheasant
And cold-cocked one with his truncheon
- he hath not forgotten Image the face of his fathers -

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 469 
Posts: 344
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2020 5:49 pm
Must all of the lim'ricks be ballads?
Why not something that praises salads?
Oh crap, how absurd,
Why'd I choose that word?
Perhaps I'm just one of those... madlads!

((Oh yeah. Brought it in for a smooth landing there. No-one will suspect a thing.))

((Also, @Aodh Hammerhelm, with your kind permission I'm saving that one of yours to my commonplace book. Just a fantastic work, sir, well done. :smiley22: ))
“… Wise but unlearned, writing no books but singing many songs…”
Re-OP Count: 8

Chieftain of The Mark
Points: 1 204 
Posts: 656
Joined: Fri May 15, 2020 10:53 am
@Wamba_the_Fool,
Thankee-sai, your praise means much to me, though I must confess the Shirriff's tale is based on a far more ribald limerick picked up in my youth.
- he hath not forgotten Image the face of his fathers -

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 469 
Posts: 344
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2020 5:49 pm
((We don't plagiarize in this thread, we borrow liberally and salt to taste! :smiley9: ))
“… Wise but unlearned, writing no books but singing many songs…”
Re-OP Count: 8

Healer of Imladris
Points: 1 048 
Posts: 653
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 8:38 am
Lettuce talk of tomatoes and cheese
Cucumbers and carrots, if you please
A dressing of ranch
And olives, no branch
Perfect for picnics under trees


@Wamba_the_Fool I tried :smiley9:
Top-class Canine Alter Ego Associate of Aerlinn Mordagnir

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 469 
Posts: 344
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2020 5:49 pm
@Aerlinn Huzzah! :smiley8:

Though oft with great spice it is tainted,
Its inventor ought really be sainted.
I speak with sobriety
Of the taco variety
What? It's a salad too, ain't it?
:smiley9:
“… Wise but unlearned, writing no books but singing many songs…”
Re-OP Count: 8

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 938 
Posts: 2854
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 9:29 pm
I was stuck in a company meeting
With a strong urge to go do some eating
I stood up without socks
And opened a box
To eat pizza but without reheating
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 469 
Posts: 344
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2020 5:49 pm
'Tis quite strange that in COVID times,
You can do what you said in your rhymes;
For I did assume,
You were in a boardroom,
Munching sockless, with smile sublime!

:smiley9:
“… Wise but unlearned, writing no books but singing many songs…”
Re-OP Count: 8

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 308 
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat May 23, 2020 2:45 am
There once was a man from Sarn Gebir
Who thought he was terribly clever
A small boat he paddled
The Falls left him addled
And now he writes limericks for pleasure!

*curtsies*

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 469 
Posts: 344
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2020 5:49 pm
Hahaha @Bereth ! :smiley8:

A serious drover from Eastfold
Ne'er danced now because he was "too old"
So it caused consternation
To see his gyration
For his shimmies and shakes were pure gold!

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
There once was a thread about limericks
Where salting to taste was their gimmick
Busted for their crime
They did the hard time
Said the police: "Sic Semper their tricks!"

New Soul
Points: 288 
Posts: 191
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 4:30 am
There is a boy, we'll call him Tiny
The computer screen to him is shiny
He likes to type
Even tries to Swype
Not so bad, if his fingers weren't so SLIMY!

(I think I got the rhythm off, oh well)
Veowyn, Vandani, Jakiewyn, Caddrick, Ailura, Túrelia, Vigri, Vinca
Maldir - you are missed

Chieftain of The Mark
Points: 1 204 
Posts: 656
Joined: Fri May 15, 2020 10:53 am
@Bereth
With a submission as good as that you should have entered the Rohirric Bath Tub Challenge :smiley10:

There once was a chap named Rustbucket
Who lured Ducky down from Nantucket
To ride rapids and falls
Keep spectators in thrall
While he cursed and bailed with a bucket

Galadhrim Bowmaster
Points: 299 
Posts: 179
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 4:01 pm
Born of discord shenanigans:

Gilgalad the cad
Was a right proper lad
He stabbed One-Eye with his spear
To rid Middle-earth of fear
Alas, it proved only a fad

Elder of Imladris
Points: 98 
Posts: 33
Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2020 5:58 am
I once tried to write down a limmerick
but all my attempts turned out jibberish
cause I didn't know at the time
how to make a verse rhyme
but now I am really much better at it
“Someone else always has to carry on the story.”

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
To be or not to be, said Hamlet
It sounds like he needed a nice pet
His life was so sad
His uncle was bad
They should have played Russian Roulette.

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 938 
Posts: 2854
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 9:29 pm
I wait for the software to deploy
While my dog lays around with all his toys
Another work day
Is going my way
And the weekend I soon get to enjoy!
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 469 
Posts: 344
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2020 5:49 pm
I tell ye that lim'ricks are banjos -
Now stay that tomato your hand throws! -
For my argument's clear:
Neither can jerk a tear!
And that's something every fool man knows!

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 308 
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat May 23, 2020 2:45 am
The wisdom of fools and of sages
Transcends the arc of the ages
And yet here we be
Enjoying their glee
Our laughter their most relished wages!

*hands on hips exasperatedly*. How is Ber still just a ‘Child of The Mark‘?! :smiley16: :lol:

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
Lucifer once had a garden
He got it from God in for a bargain
But it was full of snakes
For goodness' sakes
As it turned out he's the warden
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Chieftain of The Mark
Points: 1 204 
Posts: 656
Joined: Fri May 15, 2020 10:53 am
Tis raining but I'm not that sad
The heatwave was driving me mad
Like the pics from Bournemouth
Of loons with their shirts off
I was apt to do summat real bad
- he hath not forgotten Image the face of his fathers -

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 469 
Posts: 344
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2020 5:49 pm
O Bereth the Child, are you bereft?
Then I suggest: cast your eyes up-left.
And there you will see,
"Change rank" - it's for free! -
And then your horsey should have more heft!

((Meter's off on this one but let me know if it doesn't work for you. :smiley24: ))

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 308 
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat May 23, 2020 2:45 am
Who hooo! No longer a Child is she
Now a Guardian Ber’s chosen to be
But surely if choice
We’re given free voice
We’d ALL be Legends, naturally!

((Much obliged, good @Wamba_the_Fool! I thought it automatic. *covets @Aodh Hammerhelm’s rain!*))

New Soul
Points: 1 191 
Posts: 1049
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:39 am
To Luci's Garden, Frost came to see,
But come bearing gifts? No, not he!
So Lu turned him away
with a frown he did say:
"You can come back, but you'll owe a fee."
they/he/mischief

Arien
Arien
Points: 2 263 
Posts: 1843
Joined: Thu May 07, 2020 8:56 pm
The freedom of constantly switching
One’s previous kingdom just ditching
Not tied to one place
Or one shiny face
As long as the Plaza’s not glitching
cave anserem
Image

Storyteller
Points: 1 509 
Posts: 1300
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 9:09 am
There once was a Mûmak from Harad
Who's now inspiration for a ballad
A mound on the ground
Rotting 'phaunt is there found
He should never have charged at Gil-galad

(Not sure why Gil-galad was fighting an Oliphaunt, but at least it rhymed)

Chieftain of The Mark
Points: 1 204 
Posts: 656
Joined: Fri May 15, 2020 10:53 am
@Bereth
Its fair chucking it down today
I offer an hearty hooray
The garden will grow
Veg all in a row
But the washing dry... Well, nay!
- he hath not forgotten Image the face of his fathers -

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
Love it Dwim, I'll try my hand at a Tolkien-flavored one.

There once was a Man named Isildur
Who wanted a Ring, he was sure
Was precious to him
The ending was grim
For his heart was corrupt to the core.

New Soul
Points: 1 191 
Posts: 1049
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:39 am
Here's my Dwim flavoured one

There once was a hoppit named Dwim
Who decided to go out on a limb
He blamed Mr. Toast
For stealing the most-
treasured item of le Tarawen
they/he/mischief

Storyteller
Points: 1 509 
Posts: 1300
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 9:09 am
There once was a Man, Wizard, Hobbit, thing?
Of whom, any songs they do not sing
Grandson of a Balrog
Might just burn your pet frog
The mischief of Lucifer Toast, just astounding.

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 938 
Posts: 2854
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 9:29 pm
There were three silly loons in a pub
Who magically rustled up grub:
A big bird-shaped cake
To ease Tara’s heartache.
For the Warbler, a pretty good sub!
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
Variety is the spice of life
And spice creates bellies with strife
When gobbling the food
The spices are rude
They cut through insides like a knife.

New Soul
Points: 1 191 
Posts: 1049
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:39 am
The audacity of Tara & Dwim-
Accusing Le Toast- poor him!
They've now disappeared,
With a poof of their beard,
Do the lights of their friendships grow dim?
they/he/mischief

Storyteller
Points: 1 509 
Posts: 1300
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 9:09 am
A mischievous rogue named Le Toast,
He accused sweet Dwim of the most
Terrible things - oh yes,
Caused a lot of distress,
With pyromania he was diagnosed.

New Soul
Points: 1 191 
Posts: 1049
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:39 am
Toast loved to set things aflame,
But most of this, caused by his mane-
Was not something controlled,
It had a mind of its own
And of his existence? The bane.
they/he/mischief

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
There was a young hobbit named Merry
Who lived near Bucklebury ferry
He went with Frodo
To Rohan did go
And Pelennor fields was scary.

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 938 
Posts: 2854
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 9:29 pm
Tarawen entered a tourney
After enduring a very long journey
To the hidden valley
O tra-la-lally
And a small dove wound up on a gurney :smiley13:
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 308 
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat May 23, 2020 2:45 am
Please send your rain to us here
We’ve a deep’ning drought, I fear
Our lawns are a’drying
Our crops are a’dying
Egads such a miserable year

((Haha, @Aodh Hammerhelm you are good luck, I think! I wrote this after seeing yours, and that very night we we’re surprised by nearly 2 1/2 inches of drought-breaking rain! Thankee kindly :smiley10: ))

Chef
Points: 810 
Posts: 406
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 5:03 am
Please send us a small ray of sun
For my tomato plants are having no fun
The rain clouds descend
And heavens forfend
We should get more ripe tomatoes than one
they/them/actual hobbit in search of a merrier world

Chieftain of The Mark
Points: 1 204 
Posts: 656
Joined: Fri May 15, 2020 10:53 am
@Bereth,
Tis magic!
- he hath not forgotten Image the face of his fathers -

New Soul
Points: 1 191 
Posts: 1049
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:39 am
The limericks all about weather-
Perhaps when combined together
Might cancel out
And then we'll all pout
For our weather won't be correct ever.
they/he/mischief

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 308 
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat May 23, 2020 2:45 am
‪So Toast, that is probably true,‬
‪Theres not a darn thing we can do!‬
‪Forgetting our plight,‬
‪We scribble and write‬
‪And spit out a limerick or two. ‬

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 938 
Posts: 2854
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 9:29 pm
A curse on my neighbor upstairs
Whose tv shows and loud music blare
All day and all night
From dusk to first light
'Twould be nice if he would move elsewhere!
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Elven Enchanter
Points: 2 265 
Posts: 1451
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:15 am
The time for the shinies has come
Cause peeps deserve them and then some
We've got a kitten,
An elf that's smitten,
Dragons, Ents, and Maia are the chum.
Image
Artanis / Éomund / Brandor / Zarâm

Master Torturer
Points: 1 136 
Posts: 840
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:10 am
Because of point changes by Narv
The haiku thread is now sure to starve
But the limericks thread
Has bright days ahead
So this is my new niche to carve
Loremistress Emerita | she/her

Elven Enchanter
Points: 2 265 
Posts: 1451
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:15 am
We must help the creative juices fly
Because art should never ever die
Rhymes and lines in here
Drawings over there
Art helps our points rise into the sky
Image
Artanis / Éomund / Brandor / Zarâm

Esquire of The Mark
Points: 530 
Posts: 372
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 8:16 pm
There once was a Rider of yore
Who said, "Harvesting points is a bore
But to look more imposing
I'll find new threads to post in,"
Since limericks are less work than Lore.
May the Horse be with you.

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