Limericks!

Original writings and artwork by Tolkien fans.
Esquire of The Mark
Points: 530 
Posts: 372
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 8:16 pm
Boromir, warrior of Gondor
Travelled to Rivendell yonder.
He fought with some orcs
Who made him a corpse,
Which Denethor thought was a blunder.
May the Horse be with you.

Healer of Imladris
Points: 1 048 
Posts: 653
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 8:38 am
There once was a hound of Imladris
In a cruel forest maze gone ah-miss.
If rendered a ghost
Will he still steal the roast?
The kitchens await his stomach ah-byss.
Top-class Canine Alter Ego Associate of Aerlinn Mordagnir

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
There's this ladybug who is a grouch
And doesn't want friends on his couch
He picks several fights
With a whole bunch of sights
Till a whale's tale slams him back; oof, ouch!

Guard of The Mark
Points: 243 
Posts: 85
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2020 2:09 pm
@KingODuckingham Yep. Also,

There's this dread Peeping Tom of a bear,
The brown one that does nothing but stare,
At a strange-oid blue horse
And a red bird, of course,
And a cat with Kool-Aid-purple hair.

(I hate that book so much.)

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 938 
Posts: 2854
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 9:29 pm
I used to have quite the collection
Of children's books for my profession
I gave them away
And am hoping that they
Are still part of first grade story sessions
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Loremaster of the Herd
Points: 1 555 
Posts: 955
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2020 4:18 am
I really should have gone to sleep
but instead in my bed I shall weep
I started a new book
(just for a quick look)
and have now gotten in far too deep.
In the deeps of Time, amidst the Innumerable Stars

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 938 
Posts: 2854
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 9:29 pm
A big storm blew in from the west
And put tree branches to the test
They might have held on
Or fallen upon
Cars whose luck today wasn't the best
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
In moments of pure desperation
that make me say "what in tarnation?"
I turn on a vid
of what traffic did
My son likes to watch. Explanation?

Guard of The Mark
Points: 243 
Posts: 85
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2020 2:09 pm
@KingODuckingham

With preschoolers, man, who can tell?
My son once was obsessed with church bells.
My fault, my apology:
I looked up "campanology"
And for months the house echoed with knells.

Doorwarden of The Mark
Points: 469 
Posts: 344
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2020 5:49 pm
So it turns out that each tasty lick
Porter laid on us was with a pick
Yes the Bass Doobie Bro.
Really put on a show
I can hear it NOW - I was just thick!

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 938 
Posts: 2854
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 9:29 pm
I guess some folks still don't have power
From the storm that was more than a shower
Trees downed power lines
And wrecked the designs
Of my dear friend for many an hour
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Chieftain of The Mark
Points: 1 204 
Posts: 656
Joined: Fri May 15, 2020 10:53 am
Points on the dreaded triple six
La, I'm in a pickle and a fix
Four horsemen to follow?
Guess I'll try tomorrow
To add one more post to the mix
- he hath not forgotten Image the face of his fathers -

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
For some reason lim'ricks use Nantucket
Perhaps since it rhymes with the word 'it'.
Although it's a slant
They will never recant
Though sometimes they slip in a 'bucket'

Black Númenórean
Points: 2 938 
Posts: 2854
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 9:29 pm
A new language class starts today!
And I'm hoping we'll learn how to say
"How do you do?"
Or "One hundred and two"
Without much ado or delay
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Master Torturer
Points: 1 136 
Posts: 840
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:10 am
My grief, it is hard to assuage
That this thread fell off the first page
So I must bump it
To sound like a trumpet
A call for others to engage
Loremistress Emerita | she/her

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
I must admit I am surprised
That limericks are no longer prized.
The thread has been tossed
(My wires were crossed)
Maybe poems are not actualized?

Khazad Elder
Points: 3 027 
Posts: 2112
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2020 3:32 pm
There was a dwarf name Thili,
who made the hottest ever Chili.
So spicy was his pot, like the fire of dragons,
that the ale was ever served, in bottomless flagons;
which keep Thili, from singing shrilly.
The world was fair in Durin's Day

Master Torturer
Points: 1 136 
Posts: 840
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:10 am
Summer's dilemma extends into fall:
Can a breeze be worth humidity's thrall?
Should I open the casement
Or hide in the basement
Thinking fondly of winters that bring a snow squall?
Loremistress Emerita | she/her

Esquire of The Mark
Points: 530 
Posts: 372
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 8:16 pm
There once was a teacher called Elvh
(On the Plaza, not IRL-self)
Who had a first quarter
He'd swear was much shorter
Than the calender said from its shelf.
May the Horse be with you.

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
There once was an Ent down in Fangorn
Who'd lost his Ent-wife, now he's love-lorn
He said he had looked,
Didn't know if she's cooked.
Now he never leaves, ever, from Fangorn.

(I'm out of practice, so this one is terrible. >.>)

Fea
Points: 692 
Posts: 463
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 4:01 pm
Once known as Gandalf the Grey
A Balrog he once did slay
Fought the beast day and night
Died, returned clad in white
'Twas to Saruman's decline and dismay

Master Torturer
Points: 1 136 
Posts: 840
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:10 am
The winter solstice is four weeks away
Though only around Northern Hemisphere way
But already I balk
At a post-dinner walk
When by 5 PM there is no light of day
Loremistress Emerita | she/her

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
If ever true love did exist
When gone it would be sorely missed
You'd wring out your heart
Like a sponge, as a a start
'Til you and your lover made tryst.

Loremaster of the Herd
Points: 1 555 
Posts: 955
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2020 4:18 am
@KingODuckingham

If that is the measure of truth
Then I think I can find such a proof
For all love-poems say
Is in essence, dismay
That their lover is staying aloof!
In the deeps of Time, amidst the Innumerable Stars

Esquire of The Mark
Points: 373 
Posts: 256
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:40 am
I know quite a lot above love,
Cause the movies teach me oh so much!
For all you must do,
To win you a boo,
Is be a hot guy with a pup.

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
There is nothing better than bears
Not even a plate filled with pears
But it would stand to reason
That during this season
You stay out of the cave that is theirs
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Khazad Elder
Points: 3 027 
Posts: 2112
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2020 3:32 pm
There is nothing better than bees
Not even the best old cheese
But it would stand to reason
That during the season
You don't poke their hive and tease

:grin:
The world was fair in Durin's Day

Esquire of The Mark
Points: 373 
Posts: 256
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:40 am
I've been eating too much string cheese,
It's delicious, yes it's the bee's knees,
But if I keep eating,
My stomach starts beating,
Me up from the inside, oh geeze.

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
I am on a mid-winter break
My thirst for relaxing I slake
By making a post
Two or three at the most
Since I'm all by myself, give or take.

Esquire of The Mark
Points: 373 
Posts: 256
Joined: Thu May 14, 2020 2:40 am
I'm having the worst writer's block,
Each time that I write I must stop,
Cause I get just a line,
I think it looks fine,
But after that all of them flop.

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
There was an old lady who never shut up
She talked endlessly about an old breakup
By the time I escaped
The world had reshaped
And now she’s starting in on a teacup
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Khazad Elder
Points: 3 027 
Posts: 2112
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2020 3:32 pm
I wish my nose would stop running
It causes me grief and shunning
For the young do not know
How age makes life flow
An old noses to keep on running

Istari Steward
Points: 2 032 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 3:10 pm
I'm teaching my students to read
Poetry but it makes their eyes bleed
They're roughly fourteen,
At life they're still green
So for poetry's sake I must plead.

Also I should mention it's in Latin, but funnily enough it's the fact that it's poetry, not Latin, that bothers them.

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
The Plaza suddenly broke
and nothing remained of the goat
but the evil soup never stops
in fact now it's sold in all the shops
And so returned that goaty bloke
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
The evil goat was exhausted
He made sure the Plaza was re-Frosted
His spicy soup was a hit
but it engendered counterfeits
Time to make sure some folks were accosted
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

High Lord of Imladris
Points: 5 208 
Posts: 2755
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 7:53 am
There was a hobbit named Appie
She made pies sweet and sappy
She is as deaf as a stone
And lives quite alone
But will knock goblin heads and chew taffy.

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
There was once a store that sold phở
It was tasty and savory as fu--
One day it attracted a goat
who asked if it could be made from stoat
The cook said sure, but it'd cost him a hundred bucks
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
There once was a rambling goat
Who talked his way onto a boat
"A soup, I can make
'Tis really a piece of cake
But to do make I will need the captain's trench coat."
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
The soup, they said, was evil
it's savory flavor might cause too much upheaval
But the goat went ahead
and made sure everyone was fed
Something unheard in times medieval
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
The Goat of Mendes was in trouble
When down by the river, was his double.
They dueled on the banjo,
Which would seem apropos
Until the two began to crumble.
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
"Get that goat out of the kitchen!"
Said the chef who looked like a pigeon
He was upset at his sous chef
Who happened to be deaf
and couldn't hear any of his bitchin'
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

High Lord of Imladris
Points: 5 208 
Posts: 2755
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 7:53 am
There once was a Horse named Raisins.
Which is quite different than Craisins
It stood and lunged through a fence
Cost it's rider quite a few pence
and went for trot to the havens.

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
Tiamat is done with your shire
Mess with the queen and you will get bit
You murdered her partner
then yeeted her gardner
And now she's tired of being gaslit
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
Frost's youngest daughter's a pirate
and at seven years old you've got to admire it
She's crazy with a cutlass
and she won't make it bloodless
so it fills her father with disquiet
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
Frost's next daughter's a blood drinker
but that never stopped her from being a thinker
She rescued some poor rangers
from some political dangers
And thus she became a master hoodwinker
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
Frost's next two daughters are twins
more resourceful than the seven deadly sins
One would steal your eyeballs
While the other cut off your balls
Then they'd use your bones for candlepins
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
Frost's most well known daughter's a Rohir
she thought the Calvary would be her career
But as luck might have it
She broke that bad habit
and made her way to the frontier
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Balrog
Points: 5 867 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Mon May 18, 2020 11:02 am
There once was a girl with strange eyes
Her father vanished under a new guise
So with a heart described as reptilian,
She set out as the sun went vermillion
And searches for her mum in the skies
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Knight of The Mark
Points: 572 
Posts: 320
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 6:10 am
There once was a runaway horse
Who galloped through bramble and gorse
When her rider did find his steed
She bit him and ran off with great speed
For her actions she felt no remorse
Rohirrim at heart, always.

Istari Sage
Points: 1 954 
Posts: 940
Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2022 5:02 pm
There once was a terrible king
Who forged a magnificent ring
But a curly haired hobbit
Managed to drop it
Destroying the sorcerer’s bling.

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