A Farewell of Sorts... For Now

Yeah I get it, this is where everyone will actually post.
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Thain of The Mark
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Dear wonderful Plaza peeps,

This is my farewell speech a la Bilbo. Except that I think I'll be back, I'm just not sure when. I'll be heading 'off Plaza' in the next few days (aiming for around Dec 20, but it will definitely be by Christmas Eve), so anyone who is in the midst of an RP with me should start wrapping it up (though I think I've notified everyone already). In all honesty, I've been trying to take a Plaza break since Sep/Oct, but things got delayed, and then I was able to give myself a bit of distance during NaNoWriMo that I hoped would holdover and be manageable but... it hasn't been.

I'm not going to detail everything that has happened, because it's not all just my story, either off-Plaza or on-Plaza. But suffice to say as wonderful as it is that the Plaza has returned, some things happened over the summer both here on the Plaza and privately off the Plaza (but related to Plaza) that coincided with a bunch of awful real-life catastrophes that have made my enjoyment of the Plaza minimal. (How's that for a run on sentence?)

On the real-life front, this year has just been an avalanche of disasters that has unburied nearly 35 years worth of trauma due to verbal and emotional abuse, and in many ways I'm only just now learning how it has affected my ability to 'human', in a sense.

I'd hoped Plaza would be a safe refuge from the real-world whenever I needed a break, but if I'm honest it hasn't been a truly safe, fun space for me since... August. Maybe earlier. And most of the time when I log onto the Plaza these days, I just want to cry.

In my effort to force it (doesn't work, fyi) to be a safe, fun place for myself, I've hurt some other people and I've hurt myself. Some of you saw the ugly side of some long-buried insecurities that uncovered themselves in my mind this year, and I did not deal with them well. For any undue burdens I have placed on people here: I'm sorry.

I have to take a step back for a while. Reevaluate some priorities, and actually learn something I've been struggling with for pretty much my entire life: how to actually mindfully take care of myself. Not just barely surviving, but actually living.

But I can't do that if I'm immersing myself in a fantasy world not just to escape the impossibly hard parts of life (like, you know, a pandemic) but the little day-to-day hardships. Fantasy worlds have always been my escape since I was very young, but now that I'm mostly out of the situations that necessitated the need to escape, I have to actually start dealing with the trauma. And I can't do that if I'm hiding from it.

I'll be gone until at least February of that I'm sure, possibly longer. Until I can work within the boundaries I need to put in place for my own mental health.

I'll still be around on Discord (though I've pulled out of the Plaza chat because I was having some severe, negative self-comparison issues) and if you want to keep in touch feel free to send me a friend request there (Rebekah Loper#4402). I may ask who you are/how I know you if it's not obvious from your username. My email is also in my Plaza profile. (On a side note, I did not realize when I pulled out of the Plaza Discord that it would make it impossible for people to message me if we weren't actually friends on Discord, even if we had an existing DM already. So if you've tried to reach out to me there and been unable to reach me, that's why. Discord's default is apparently that if you don't have a mutual server and you aren't friends, you can't message at all.)

I'll also still be maintaining the Discord server for the new Plaza Writers group (though @Fuin Elda will be managing the Plaza thread for me while I'm away). Because writing will always be a part of my life, and it wouldn't be as important to me as it is without the Plaza in the first place.

I will miss you all, and that's why I'm pretty sure I'll be back. Eventually. I will post here in this thread when I'm signing off 'for good' so that y'all know.

Thain of The Mark
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(And I'm just going to tack these on here because I don't want to go around spamming a bunch of threads:

@Jorgy Underash - if I haven't come up for my turn in Exquisite Corpse by the time I'm definitely stepping away, please just take me off the list and I'll get back in on the fun whenever I return. Thank you for the amazing opportunities to grow as a roleplayer over the summer, and I hope that someday we'll be able to RP together again and have fun with it, no matter who the characters are... and on that note, you should probably take me off the 'available for RP' request form list for now too.

@Sil - I'm sorry to drop the ball with the Shire Detective Agency. When I took it up, I thought I'd be able to manage things better than I have been able to. I can try to find a replacement threadrunner, or you can, either way is fine with me. Or it can just go on pause until I come back.

@Androthelm - thank you for the fun in the Masquerade. I can't wait to see what your new Elven character has been up to when I return.

@Shivased - I still anticipate being able to fulfill my 'giftings' for the Mettare Diegolwine, so long as the list actually goes up on/around the 20th.)

Black Númenórean
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Taeth, I hope your break (however extended it may be) gives you the space and healing you need. It can be so hard to recognize when it's time to make space for yourself and that there's internal things you need to work on for you, and when a coping mechanism, even something as beloved as the plaza, becomes a problem. I hope you can be proud of yourself for recognizing these things, and taking the first steps towards a healthier happier you :smooch:
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Evil is a lifestyle | she/her

Black Númenórean
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I hope time away from the Plaza proves to be everything you want it to be, Taeth. Big props to you for prioritizing your well-being and taking the time and space to heal.
she/her | Esta tierra no es mía, soy de la nocheósfera.

Master Torturer
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Wish you all the best Taeth! We will be here when you are able to get back <3

Balrog
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I hope your time away from the Plaza proves to be what you need for your mental health, something I believe no one should skip out on. I wish you the best and hope to see you back and ready when you are able.
Strange Fruit got holes in the flesh but it ain't gonn' spoil cause it never was fresh

Arien
Arien
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@Taethowen - don’t worry about the thread :smooch: I hope your time away is healing and peaceful for you and we’ll be here for you when you’re ready. Mental health is most important!
cave anserem
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High Lord of Imladris
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I shall miss you here while your gone but I look forward to your return when ever that may be. Until the you know we'll be talking on discord plenty especially in writers

Ent Ancient
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I'm sorry something fun became not so fun. Our health (mental, physical and spiritual if you believe in that sort of thing) is so very important especially in these times and I hope that you find some restful recovery time for yourself. Sending you well wishes. <3

Loremaster of the Herd
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Wish you the best @Taethowen! Glad that we got two passes at having some very interesting characters meet, and hoping the new year brings better things!
In the deeps of Time, amidst the Innumerable Stars

Fea
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Really sorry to hear this, and wishing you all the very best, @Taethowen. I hope the time away gives you everything you need, and I really hope that this place can become the safe, fun space for you that it once was :) .

(And well done on prioritising your mental health - not always an easy feat!)

High Warden of Tower
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Taeth, I hope the time away will bring you all the healing, wholeness and wellbeing that you need to be truly you. I am sure plaza is not going anywhere and will be there for you when you feel that you can return and feel good and stress-free about it. Hugs!
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Chief Counsellor of Gondor
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Taethowen, I wish I felt more qualified to wish you well. The truth is that I hardly know you, have interacted rather little with you on plaza or discord. Still your message here strikes at my heart. For you are a fellow Plazaite and I am dearly sorry to hear that you have been unhappy to such an extent that this little virtual escape pod has not always soothed you.

Let me say then that I wish I had gotten to know you better, I really hope that I am able to when you return, if you so wish. Do what you need, know that you are missed and loved. Plaza is a family so I may only be some random cousin sixty times removed and only seen on some page of a dusty family tree, but still, I wish you well.

Thank you for the insightful and honestly helpful assistance you offered me within your character development activity. And now as you allow your own self to similarly reflect on and explore whatever you need to feel better, don’t forget, the plaza returned, even from its ashes, rejuvenated. To great joy. I am certain you shall too. :winkkiss:
All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost
The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not touched by the frost.

Chef
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All the best to you Taeth! Thanks for everything you've done for the site so far and I'm looking forward to seeing you around the place again whenever that's something you feel ready for. I'll try to keep the lights on around here for you :)

New Soul
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I'm sad to see you leave for a while, @Taethowen :cry: . I'll be praying for you.
"Eriol... 'One who dreams alone.' ” - Tolkien, The Book of Lost Tales I

Newborn of Imladris
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@Taethowen we don't 'know' each other well on the Plaza, but please accept my wishes for your recovery and health. Give yourself time. Bless you.
Remembering halfir by learning something new each day

Thain of The Mark
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@Moriel - Thank you. I felt like I was making good progress until the pandemic derailed a lot of it, and then the Plaza showed back up at both the perfect and worst time in a lot of ways. This summer would have been unbearable without it, but I also lapsed back into some unhealthy behaviors that I hadn't struggled with in years.

@Androthelm - I'm glad too! It was a lot of fun, and I appreciate being able to end this round of Plaza time with it! :smooch:

@Ercassie - I would love to get to know you better when I return. I'm glad the character development thread has been helpful for you as well!

@Skwovet, @Winddancer, @Beowulf, @Sil, @Fuin Elda, @Lailthoron, @Nia, @Pele Alarion, @Narv, @Tharmáras, @Annúnfalas, @Saranna - :grouphug:

And with that... this is pretty much it, for this year at least. I will probably check back in once more tonight, and possibly tomorrow morning to make sure that I didn't forget anything and leave someone hanging somewhere, but after that I'll be blocking the Plaza on my browser and on my phone to lessen temptation.

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. They mean the world to me right now.

Chef
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Hugs to you, @Taethowen, and props to you for looking after your own well-being first. I'm around on discord if you ever want a chat (about birds, writing, baking, anything really) and look forward to seeing you back in action when you are feeling better. :smooch:
they/them/actual hobbit in search of a merrier world

Elven Enchanter
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I hope this time away gives you the rest that you need. You are in my prayers. Have a wonderful Christmas and New Years

Thain of The Mark
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@Menolly and @Dimcairien Luiniel - Thank you both! :smooch:

Oh, and what I forgot to say earlier: I hope all of you have a Merry Christmas (or merry whatever you celebrate or don't this time of year!) and a Happy New Year!

I'll admit also that this Plaza sabbatical is not entirely me feeling bad. My husband is blessed to have a job where he's on paid vacation from Christmas Eve thru New Year's Day, so I do want to simply spend some time with him. Our 13th wedding anniversary is also on January 5th. So, in addition to the desperately needed self-care, there are things to celebrate as well.

Love you all, and see you next year!

Loremaster of the Herd
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@Taeth-on-Hiatus Merry Christmas to you too, Taeth! And thanks for the sparkly nomination :smooch:
In the deeps of Time, amidst the Innumerable Stars

Warrior of Imladris
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<3 Ah, missed ya! Go and enjoy your time out without guilt. I also withdrew, needing to reevaluate priorities; these things are necessary ... love your honesty, and hope you overcome. Am rooting for you.
The Wood-elves lingered in the twilight of our Sun and Moon, but loved best the stars.

Thain of The Mark
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@Taeth-on-Hiatus I know that the NuPlaza has brought new challenges to us all, but I do hope that the light and hope it has brought will in time shine brighter than any pain or angst you may have experienced.

For my part, I will cherish deeply how close we have gotten this time around and am eternally grateful for another chance to get to know you (and many others). You have been one of the highlights of my year and will remain your friend. If you ever need a friend, poke me on Facebook or Discord, and do keep the chicken updates coming 🐓!

Much love friend, farewell for now, stay safe and look after yourself, but this will not be goodbye by any means. XxXxX

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