The Dwarven Express (Post Office)

[Drifa]

The Dwarven Express

All your letters and packages will be delivered in 3 days, or the stamps are on us!

The Dwarven Express has a series of outposts in all corners of Khazad-dûm with sturdy young post-dwarves ready to carry your mail to any destination in our beautiful kingdom. The Dwarven Express is the only way to go fast, cheap, and efficient.
*New!* Thanks to the growth steroids that we have been feeding our badgers, you can now send letters to dwarves and friends abroard, on vacation, or in federal prison. The badgers may live significantly shorter lives, but they will deliver your mail faster and over greater distances!

*Above the front desk is tacked a list of rules that apply to the Dwarven Express:*
Please do not use the Dwarven Express to send explosives, poisons, or old fruitcakes. It makes life a real bother for the post-dwarves.
All races may use the Dwarven Express to send mail to dwarves/friends.
Only dwarves can receive mail at the Dwarven Express. Sorry, but post-dwarves are not made for long-distance running. Natural sprinters, they are.
Be creative in your messages. Send bills, postcards, holiday and birthday greetings. Offer a get-well wish, send circulars, or use the Dwarven Express to keep in touch.
Try to keep all posts positive. If someone needs a firm reminder, then feel free, but make sure it is not too offensive. After all, there are censors watching everything we write. And I mean everything.
The Dwarven Express is meant to be more fun than a barrel full of oliphaunts. Enjoy yourself.

*Another Notice is tacked just under the rules. It reads:*
Thanks to our team of legal experts, you may no longer sue the Dwarven Express for:
lost, stolen, or damaged mail
looted boxes or packages
gross incompetence or negligence
emotional abuse
poor service
opened and censored mail
whiplash

Post Offices:
Eriador Mail Service RP
Minas Tirith's Mail ~ The Roquen Express Revived
Riddermark Ærendgewrit—Rohirric Mail
Post Office of the Four Farthings
The Old Mailing Tree
The Mordor Post Office
Lore Post Office

Thank you. We hope you enjoy your dealings with the Dwarven Express and express no complaints or dissatisfaction!

--Dedicated to the Memory of Frito Bandito and Narsilion--

[Fuin Elda]

DEAR DWARVES

ARE ORCS AND GOBLINS NOT SCARED OF YOU?
IS IT BECAUSE YOUR BEARD ISN'T FULL ENOUGH?

TRY OUR NEW MIRACLE HAIR THICKENING SERUM! GOOD FOR ALL DWARVES!
AVERAGE BEARD HAIR GROWTH TWO TIMES AS THICK AS WITHOUTH IT!*

Do you want to stay scantly bearded or terrify the goblins and orcs with your magnificent locks?

Send 100 Gold pieces to 4 Hollin Way in Bree

*Testing on Hair grown serum done on elves, their non-existent beard hair multiplied by two times the original amount.

[Drifa]

Dear Unknown Kin,
I find myself in a room full of very tall persons. The ale is good, but foreign too. Why is it when we leave for an adventure, filled with excitement and wanderlust, we soon become lonely for familiar smells and sounds and people. I did not stop on my trek to Gondor to maybe find a company kin in the great Halls of Khazad-dûm, and now I regret it. Yet I am hoping that someone will read this letter and join me (or correspond for the now) on a great adventure in the South-kingdom.

I am at the OLd Gate House.

Yours,
Afird Splitaxe

[Drifa]

The Dwarven Express
Discover our latest collections.
Whether you're just starting or an avid collector, get inspired by excellent stamp collection ideas at the Dwarven Express.
Stay on top of the latest stamp news and release articles. The CollectionsPlus Green Book also has everything you need to enjoy, protect and preserve your valuable stamp collection. New stamps will be coming soon.

The Originals



The Seasonal Elf Ears Collection

[Drifa]

Here are a few rare stamps found in one of the many manuscripts in the Great Smials in Tuckborough in the Westfarthing of the Shire. Most say that Gondor scribes collected them and then later by Peregrin Took. This sudden stamp discovery falls nicely into the Lore Post Office's recent request. The Dwarven Express presents...

Lambengolmor or'Loremasters of Tongues' Collection

[Chrysophylax Dives]

Hello? Looking for a Dwarf name of @Drifa? Got a letter here from Lore - special delivery.

Dear @Drifa, thank you so much for the exquisite stamps! They are perfect. And the express delivery was much appreciated - please thank your Dwarvish postie, whose efforts to climb all the way up to Lore we appreciate. We are attempting to reciprocate and are handing this letter to a trusted Lore minion, who will climb down to the gates of Moria and find the Dwarven Express. Should the minion complete this mission, maybe we might consider setting up a permanent long-distance letter exchange between Khazad-dûm and Lore? That would make us the only two post offices in the plaza to offer long-distance delivery! Yours most respectfully, your fellow post-office boss, Chrys. Dives LPM.

[Drifa]

Drifa opened the letter and wondered where the 'Lore' post office was in Middle-earth. Khazad-dûm was, after all, in a Mountain. It is a very tall mountain. How high is the Lore PO? Shrugging her shoulders, she made a response.

Dear Chrys. Dives LPM @Chrysophylax Dives,
You are welcome! Being back working at the stamp craft was a pleasure and delight. I do find it surprising that you have minions in your service. But I guess it is the Fourth Age, and anything is possible. I am sure the other POs would like to be in the loop regarding long-distance couriers. Let us contact the other POs and see how things pan out. What do you say?

In the meantime, here are a few new stamps. Alf and Duf, my assistants, finished them off early today. I am pretty impressed with their handiwork.
Yours sincerely,
Drifa

Alf & Duf


The Bakshi Orc Collection

[Chrysophylax Dives]

Dear fellow Post-mistress, @Drifa,

Alf & Duf are a marvel! Please thank them from us who dwell at once in Lore and Elostirion - the denizens of the invisible and the visible realms of the plaza. I am sure the Mordor post-office will be very happy with their new stamps. The Goblins of Mordor have been rather quiet of late and I am not sure who runs their post-office these days. But at least there is a Goblin dealing with letters. The other kingdoms are in a sorry state. I have tried talking with the post offices of both Imladris and Rohan, but alas, my knocking on the door is unanswered. Both post offices could certainly benefit from some new designs!

On your question on the geographical location of the Lore Post Office, while I am certainly happy to explain I fear that you have not spent sufficient time studying Lore over the years as you should, and may not grasp the details. Still, the long and the short is this: the old plaza discovered that something could be 'in Middle-earth but not of it' (see halfir's 'Peeling the Onion' in our nuplaza archive) while on the nuplaza, and in fact only recently when on vacation in Undertowers, the authors of the Guide to Stairs discovered that it was possible to climb up to a high chamber in a tower from the outside, so dispensing with stairs altogether.* Putting the two together we Lorists worked out how to make our own palantír, and we now offer plaza members use of our singular Seeing Stone (for a small fee) in addition to our regular services (the sending of letters, postcards, and even small packages within Lore and, on occasion, also outside our invisible realm and into the better-managed visible post offices, such as your own). I do hope this is clear. If not, do please feel free to take up the matter in Lore. I am sure that Chrys Dives OOC would be happy to explain at great length.

*A technique of Hobbit burglary previously illustrated under the title In through the window and out through the door, only now applied to a tower as opposed to a stairless hole in a hill with external door and windows only on one side and all on ground level.

Yours collegially,
Chrys Dives LPM

[Drifa]

Alf & Duf

Alf and Duf sneak peeks at the letter to their superior. They agree, nodding to each other, that the letter was above them, for they could not make hammers or anvils out of it and left it to her perusal. The two dwarves were true twins (more identical than your typical bearded dwarf look alike) and often had similar thoughts. They had many adventures with the older dwarf, Drifa, but now, as they approached maturity, they enjoyed the slower, detailed pace of stamp creation rather than pub bouncing or mountain climbing. Although, if encouraged, they would still take on those tasks. But for now, they had finished the project Drifa had set out for them and carefully laid out the new collection, pleased with how the stamps had turned out.

The Riddermark Collection

[Drifa]

The Khazâd Caricature Collection

Afird Splitax
C/O Skylark Post Office on the Hill, Bree

Dear Afird,
It's been a while since we last talked or saw each other. I believe the last time we met was in Khazad-dûm when you returned from your trip to Gondor after dealing with that ghostly incident near Dunharrow. However, I still think the incident was just in your head, my friend, caused by the fall off that table in the pub in Minas Tirith that you recounted to me, haha. Anyway, I hope this letter finds you well and well-rested because I'm itching for an adventure. What are your plans for the next few months? Can you break free from old Burin (is he still the grouchiest axe master ever?) and your duties at the Axe guild? Please let me know, oi! I am sending this to Bree as promised.

Take care, my friend,
Drifa

[Drifa]

The Gondor Collection T.A. 3017

Dear @Pele Alarion,
Pele, how have you been? I have thought of you often lately. It has been too long since I visited your thread in the Cottage. Have you been able to get out and take photos of your lovely surroundings this summer? I have always enjoyed the photos you take of the water and the beautiful sunsets. I know, I know, most dwarves dislike large bodies of water and boats, but not I. *smile*
I hope you get the chance to get out before the summer is over. It sure did fly by, eh? I have been busy creating stamps. I hope you enjoy them!

Take care,
Drifa

[Pele Alarion]

Dear, @Drifa ,

This is the most wonderful collection of stamps, so hastily using one of them!
I have been awfully busy, and now entertaining a Gondorian friend. Also I've made another collection of flower photos from today's walking and some of those might eventually make their way to the Cottage.
I am also sure that not even Dwarves can resist a beautiful sunrise or sunset over a sea or lake, yes?

Sending very flowery greetings!
Pele

[Drifa]

The Fanatics Plaza Stamp by Peeg

To anyone who cares to respond,

If I send a letter from the Dwarven Express post office to, for example, Minas Tirith, like I did above, where should the recipient (@Pele Alarion) answer the mail, in KD or Minas Tirith? Help me; I am confused.

It would seem that the recipient should answer their mail in their own post office (or kingdom). Not that I mind you answering my letter in KD, Pele; I was delighted to receive it. But wouldn't the individual Post Offices in each kingdom get more activity if we answered letters in their posted destination?

Uh, what do you think?

Drifa

PS I created credited the art to PJ instead of Peeg,

[Pele Alarion]

@Drifa
Why, I am used to answering the posts in the same threads where they are - without thinking. Without objection to any other arguments put forward. Do you want me to relocate/rewrite the letter in MT?

[Drifa]

Hi @Pele Alarion, I do not want you to relocate/rewrite. But thank you for the offer. I was trying to figure out the postal service in my head and get opinions on the subject to ensure my brain hadn't become cluttered with dust and cobwebs from the mines. Then I realized I sent a letter regarding this query and didn't even use a postal stamp!!

So far, as I can see, recipients have always replied in the sender's post office. Perhaps it was due to the lack of notification options for members. Still, when you think of it, why would the receiver travel from their kingdom to answer a letter sent to them from another kingdom?

I still do not have grandchildren, nor do I harbour any pets. I have been, of late, trying to figure out the mundane concerns of day-to-day Plaza life. Maybe I should start making bread again. Or take up jogging.

Yours,
Drifa

[Drifa]

Dear @Pele Alarion,

Yes, it does seem strange, but at the same time, it does make sense. And yes, travelling to another kingdom is a worthy reason, but maybe for an Autumn Fair or a Dwarven Pub Fest. One must use the postal system, for I believe that one day, it may no longer exist. I hadn't written a letter in ages. I didn't even have a stamp in my possession.

Yeah, I did suggest jogging along with the bread-making. But right now, it is the furthest thing from my mind. I ran my feet off in the mines today and can not take another step. I may return to bread-making, but I can not see it happening soon. Chocolate bread, how intriguing.

Soaking my feet as the sun goes down behind the Mountain.

Yours,
Drifa

[Drifa]

Dear @Lail,

Thank you, and I am glad your photos make you happy. That is what it is all about. Also, would we ever have a fine-feathered game to play again? I miss your stweetness.
Take care, and I hope to see you soon,
Drifa

Oooo wow Drifa that's gorgeous! Also love the other art you shared.

I don't have Tolkien art but I do have two photos from my visit to Hobbiton hanging on the wall! They make me happy.

[Drifa]

Dear @Pele Alarion,

Thanks for the letter. This is quick note to let you know I have lost my marbles and can not find them anywhere. They are my happy plaza thoughts. I soon as I find them I will write you a nice long letter.

Take care,
Drifa

[Drifa]

PS
It looks like I lost my ability to write as well.