(Silly) Pondering Pipe...weed.

[Taethowen]

In an early-morning discussion on the Plaza discord, we think we have determined the true motivations behind Saruman's actions in The Lord of the Rings.

He was trying to start the first dispensary in Middle-earth. Discuss.

Points considered so far (which can be expounded on):

1. Saruman was hiding pipeweed at Isengard.
2. He clearly had connections in the Shire/Bree areas to obtain said pipeweed.
3. Isengard is a perfect distribution point to dispense into Rohan and Gondor.
4. The reason he needed the hobbits was for quality control testing.
5. The TRUE ring of power was... smoke rings.

[Rivvy Elf]

He also mudlarked in the anduin, which is one of my made up symptoms of “getting high off your own supply”

[Tari]

Was the real LORD of the Rings the person who profited the most from said pipeweed? Considering the consumer distribution would have to come from the Shire, it stands that there's a really powerful (and mysterious) hobbit who may be the beneficiary of all of this.

This may give the War of the Ring an entirely new meaning.

[Mojo]

In the classic Batman Begins, Ra's Al Ghul discusses the history of The League of Shadows in toppling empires and governments. Typically, this history has involved weaponry and warfare. Similarly in Middle-earth, Sauron's tactics for toppling the kingdoms of Elves and Men were typically militaristic in focus (though he did employ psychological warfare against Numenor rather than conquering them by force he did it through deception). That said, the "long con" of Numenor was still a militaristic venture, turning the armies of Numenor to his wiles.

But Saruman's tactics were different. Like Ra's Al Ghul told Bruce Wayne - "Over the ages our weapons have grown more sophisticated. With Gothan we tried a new one: economics." Saruman's monopolizing of the pipeweed trade in a similar fashion to Gustavo Fring was an attempt to control the economics of not just The Shire, but nearly all of the western lands of Middle Earth. Saruman knew he could not overcome the might of Mordor by military powers, but he could bring the lands around him to their knees economically. What he did in the Shire could have easily been repeated in Rohan, Bree, and many of the other Northlands. Saruman's economic ventures were well ahead of his time as no one had established trading policies between kingdoms or lands. There was no Trade Federation led by an incompetent Nute Gunray standing between him and economic domination of all the western lands.

Pipeweed was just the beginning, but it was also one of the most universally-distributed goods around Middle-earth. Pipeweed was smoked by everyone from the Hobbits of the Shire to the Dwarves of the Mountains to the Men of Gondor. Demand was already high. By controlling the supply of these valuable goods, Saruman also was poised to set himself up as the one-stop shop for not just pipeweed, but also other goods that needed distribution between kingdoms of Middle-earth. Ultimately, like Ra's Al Ghul, his plan for domination through economics was thwarted, but it was a venture that had not been attempted by any other being in Middle-earth's history.

[Rivvy Elf]

Sauron knew of the association between hobbits and pipeweed, so the trinkets Sauron refers to during his communication with pippin via palantir is actually the pipeweed. Sauron then proclaims he would send people to get the pipeweed, a la gangland style operation

[Taethowen]

He also mudlarked in the anduin, which is one of my made up symptoms of “getting high off your own supply”

Sauron knew of the association between hobbits and pipeweed, so the trinkets Sauron refers to during his communication with pippin via palantir is actually the pipeweed. Sauron then proclaims he would send people to get the pipeweed, a la gangland style operation

@Rivvy Elf I need a detailed account of what exactly Saruman's mudlarking entailed. Also, I like the concept of pipeweed just simply replacing the One Ring.

Was the real LORD of the Rings the person who profited the most from said pipeweed? Considering the consumer distribution would have to come from the Shire, it stands that there's a really powerful (and mysterious) hobbit who may be the beneficiary of all of this.

This may give the War of the Ring an entirely new meaning.

@Tari oooh, I like. The War of the Ring just became about economics.

@Mojo My husband would appreciate the Batman tie-in. I appreciate the amount of thought put in to figuring out exactly how Saruman would benefit from this.

[Mojo]

@Taethowen Batman, Breaking Bad, Star Wars prequels, and a subtle LOST reference...my late 2000s/early 2010s reference game is coming in strong here

[Taethowen]

@Mojo I will confess that I have only seen the first two Batman movies, have not watched Breaking Bad or LOST at all, and my Star Wars knowledge/consumption is pretty hit and miss, much to my husband's dismay.

[Elvheimdros]

Having considered the evidence offered by the esteemed scholars present in this thread, I think we can deduce that Tolkien's mistrust of the vernacular misled him, and the meaningless transliteration "Hai" to refer to Saruman's specially bred (?) Uruks should instead be rendered "Uruk-High".

This may also suggest that no special fiendishness was involved in their "creation", but that Saruman may simply have used substances to affect his Orcs' fighting will as attested in other legends viz. speculation on the "berserker". The rather inconsistent effects of the "weed" on Orcs as opposed to the other uncorrupted Children can likely be blamed on their original corruption by Morgoth.

[Mojo]

Interestingly, building on @Elvheimdros's theory, the pipeweed seems to have an inverse effect on the Uruk-High than the other Children. While Men and Hobbits seemed more interested in relaxing and eating multiple meals while indulging in pipeweed and generally staying out of the sun, the Uruk-High had the ability to go outside during the day, which regular Orcs did not.

A secondary question - did the meal calendar of Hobbits evolve to include 7 meals a day because of their consistent access to pipeweed?

[Taethowen]

@Elvheimdros Inteeeeresting. Very, very interesting.

@Mojo re: Hobbit meals. Yes, absolutely. This possibly also offers a hint to the eating habits of the orcs and Uruk-HaiHigh. Imagine being pushed into a frenzy of energy, but with the limited food supply of Mordor (since we never see an agricultural setup). Naturally they would have had to resort to cannibalism.

[Thalionwen Hunigfolm]

Was the real LORD of the Rings the person who profited the most from said pipeweed? Considering the consumer distribution would have to come from the Shire, it stands that there's a really powerful (and mysterious) hobbit who may be the beneficiary of all of this.

This may give the War of the Ring an entirely new meaning.

Consider: the true Lord of the Rings, the ultimate profiteer in this expanding pipeweed empire, is likely none other than the mysterious Farmer Maggot. He is the only hobbit of obvious and unknown power, jealously guards his land, and we're never sure what he's growing in such quantities that he's widely known by the nickname "Farmer" in a country where, presumably, most individuals farm.

I THINK WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GROWING NOW, FARMER MAGGOT

[Aduchil]

Added to that, what kind of name is Maggot? Are we honestly to believe in a country where everyone else is named after mundane household items or their own body parts, there is a family taking their name after maggots?

Or is it perhaps a lot more likely that Maggot is his street name. Back home with his family, he's the innocuous Freddy Suspenderpants, but when he peddles his dope, everyone knows him only by his criminal alter ego: The Maggot.

Like a spider in his web, or perhaps more appropriately, festering in rotten meat and open sores, The Maggot rules the underworld of the Shire with a squirming iron fist. And when his profitable venture with Saruman in Isengard fell through, he invited the wizard to the Shire to act as his frontman, conveniently letting him take the fall for his criminal activities.

That said, I suspect Maggot learned about weed from the Elves. Why else would they be High Elves?

[Eldy Dunami]

Farmer Maggot is clearly the Moe Greene of the Shire, considering how intimidated Frodo Corleone remained even years after last meeting him.

[Mojo]

Fun fact, Farmer Maggots parting words were actually "I know it was you, Frodo. You broke my heart, Frodo, you broke my heart"

[Tari]

Perhaps our unanswered questions about Tom Bombadil may lead to some new discoveries. He lived off the grid in a forest, perfect to hide your marijuana fields. He spent all his time being a conundrum either defeating ancient foes or singing nonsense. Could his whimsical nature really be a cover for the fact that he's actually the real Lord of the Rings? If he was one of the first folk to inhabit Middle-earth, could it be possible he had time to set up his underground trade routes and infiltrated Arda before anyone even knew? Usually, folk engaging in these sorts of illicit activities use a name different than their true one to cover up their crimes.

[Rivvy Elf]

I also believe that Tom Bombadil could in fact be both the Unfinished Tales and The Silmarillion as well

[Dimcairien Luiniel]

The idea of Farmer Maggot being a seller of Pipeweed does add credence to the theory that he is Melkor. Naturally Melkor would enjoy profitting from creating chaos, whether of the battle-kind or simply inducing an LSD trip.

[Tari]

I agree @Dwarrow Elf . Tom Bombadil is basically everything.