Avengers: Catch the Supervillain!

[Gwai]

Catch the Supervillain!

With the Supervillains on the loose, crime has increased dramatically. Your task, should you choose to accept it, is to track down the criminal, and match them to their crime. Your reward: The thanks of the people is the only reward you need! (ie the lasting respect of everyone else playing...or not, as the case may be)

How this works:
--Feel free to RP as anyone you want. If you want to RP as a Supverillain too that’s fine, but you might catch yourself!
--Pick one Supervillain per turn, and one crime you think they committed (example: Venom eloped with Black Widow’s sister)
--Please bold your choice
--I’ll update every 24-48 hours
--Depending on how long round 1 takes, for round 2 I might add a lot more villains and crimes!
--The funnier the better
—If you were planning on posting in Bold Red, please don’t!
--Thanks to @Sil for the idea

List of the top Most-Wanted Supervillains:
1. Venom
2. Coppermouth
3. Magneto
4. Doc Oct
5. Loki
6. Doctor Doom
7. Red Skull
8. Green Goblin
9. Thanos
10. Galactus
11. Mystique

List of Outstanding Unsolved Mysteries:

1. Stole Professor X’s hairpiece
2. Wore a cape with a taller collar than Dr Strange
3. Eloped with Black Widow’s sister
4 .Talked smack to Aunt May
5. Jewel heist in NYC
6. Ate all the food at the All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet before Fat Thor could get there
7. Stole Pepper’s Day Planner
8. Used GPS tracking arrows to cheat in an archery contest with Hawkeye
9. Recorded over Starlord’s cassette tape with a 10-part podcast series on “How to macrame”
10. Worked out so much they had bigger abs than Captain America
11. Dressed up like the Hulk for Halloween

[corlisswyn]

Tony Stark

Hearing Hawkeye complain that he lost an archery contest, Tony shied away from the crowd as Doctor Doom was declared the winner. "Why didn't I think of going up against Hawkeye! Jarvis could have easily made sure my arrows were shot straight to the bullseye! He knew he had somehow helped Doctor Doom win the archery contest; they had just spent the weekend at a billionaire's corporate leadership retreat, and they were both partaking in perhaps too much Malört and sharing tales of how more superior they are as superheroes. Tony couldn't remember if he mentioned the GPS arrows he was developing in his garage? Did he give Victor the idea?

Then Hawkeye called out. "How did you do it, Dr. Doom! I know you cheated somehow!"

Then Tony felt compelled to support his teammates above other genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. After all, wasn't he the leader of the Avengers?

Tony came forth. "Doctor Doom cheated! He used GPS Tracking Arrows to cheat in the archery tournament! I'm sure of it!"

[Silky Gooseness]

Jessica Drew, Spider-woman

“Huh,” said Jessica faintly, moving her binoculars down from the glass. A more bizarre sight she hadn’t seen in a while, and it didn’t suit him at all.

It was Red Skull, visible in the building opposite, prancing around in a wig. He swirled his cape. He flicked his hair. It fell off. He scowled.

“I’d’ve thought he’d go for something more dramatic, like a judge’s wig,” she remarked, before standing up so quickly she barked her shin on the window ledge. “Ow! Hey! That’s Professor X’s hairpiece! Though it doesn’t look any better on Skull than it does on him...”

J’accuse Red Skull of stealing Prof X’s hairpiece

[Zôrzimril]

Peter Parker/Spider-Man

Peter opened the door to his Queens apartment to the sound of Aunt May sniffling. “May?” he called, shutting the door and dropping his backpack to the floor. There she sat in the kitchen, eyes red and puffy from crying. She wiped her eyes quickly when Peter entered the room. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh nothing,” she said. “Just a hard day at work and then Happy said some really nasty rumors had been circulating about me.”

Peter’s jaw dropped. Who would defame his sweet aunt?

“What did they say??”

“Well...” May flushed. “They said that when I drink from a water fountain, I put my mouth over the whole spout because I have a germ fetish. Which is so untrue! I don’t even USE water fountains,” she finished, gesturing at her large collection of Nalgene bottles.

“Don’t worry,” Peter reassured her. “I’ll figure it out.” Without a word, he ran to his bedroom and emerged from the window a few minutes later, clad in spandex or whatever fancy fabric Tony Stark had used to make his new suit. He swung through Queens and into Manhattan in search of the villain.

While clinging to the side of a Lower Manhattan skyscraper, his spidey senses alerted him to the presence of a villain. It was Loki! The Asgardian was buying some falafel from a food stand and looking mighty smug. Peter descended from the building and dropped in on Loki. “I hear you’ve been talking smack about a sweet lady named May Parker,” he said in his most intimidating voice. “What do you have to say for yourself, man??”

Spidey accuses Loki of talking smack about Aunt May

[Lirimaer]

@Gwai, did you mean to have two Venoms in your Villain category?

[Dungeon Delver]

Captain Marvel

Dammit! She didn’t have time for this. Every time she came back to visit Earth and take some much-needed R&R there was inevitably some strange problem that only Captain Marvel could solve. Typical. Yes, she could do basically anything and look fabulous doing it (including lifting a replica of Thor’s Hammer that made all the dudebros lose their shire) but come on guys! Was it really the best use of her time to track down some petty criminal?

Well, actually…

No. Shut up. She didn’t have time for that nonsense. If she had to blast some cheap Jude Law look-alike through a few city blocks to get some alone time, she would. Don’t test her.

She needed to get in a good workout, she decided. Far, far from the madding crowd. She knew a good out of the way gym that she used in her test pilot days. She flew there and… okay maybe this was worth her time after all.

Captain Marvel accuses Mystique of working out so much they had bigger abs than Captain America

[Giliathriel]

Fat Thor

Was Loki ever going to stop getting up to Mischief? Yes, Thor capitalized it because Loki's brand was entirely another realm apart from the normal mischief mortals called "Tricks". But this time, no, this time Loki had gone too far. Thor hadn't spent 5 years building up a healthy gut just for Loki to beat him to some food! He was so, so hungry...Thor felt like he might starve to death, and it would be all Loki's fault! The buffet was horrifyingly, agonizingly, EMPTY!

"Loki," Thor roared, "You Buffet thieving little brother! You ate all the food at the All-You-Can-Eat buffet before I could get here! And you knew how much I love buffets!"

Fat Thor accuses Loki of eating all the food at the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet before Fat Thor could get there.

[Gwai]

@Lirimaer no...thanks for noticing! Fixing now!

[Gwai]

1st Update

A note on scoring--if anyone guesses correctly the first round, you'll get 3 points. Guess correctly second round, 2 points. After that, 1 point per correct guess. (There is, after all, much fame and glory at stake here!)

Tony Stark (@corlisswyn)--While Dr Doom is no doubt up to something nefarious, in this instance he did NOT cheat against Hawkeye

Spiderwoman (@Sil)--As much as he needs it, Red Skull did NOT steal the hairpiece.

Peter Parker (@Zôrzimril)--While I wouldn't usually put it past him, Loki did NOT spread the rumor about Aunt May and the drinking fountain.

Captain Marvel (@Panic AKA Fleeg)--Mystique has been avoiding the gym due to COVID, and does NOT have bigger abs than Captain America

Fat Thor (@Sparky Boy)--Poor Fat Thor! Loki did indeed eat all the food at the buffet! (You get 3 points!)

If anyone still wants to join in, feel free! Next update in 1-2 days!

Leaderboard
Sparky Boy (Giliathriel?) --3 points

[Zôrzimril]

Peter Parker/Spider-Man

At the accusation, Loki produced a scepter. A pointy, shiny scepter. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Spider-Man said, raising his hands and taking a step back. “What the hell is THAT?”

In between mouthfuls of falafel, Loki managed to say, “The instrument of your demise.” He finally finished his wrap and tossed the paper onto the ground where it mingled with everyday New York City trash. “I came all the way to your measly planet from Asgard. Do you really think my first order of business would be talking smack about some lady?”

“Fair point, fair point,” Spider-Man admitted. “I guess you probably do have bigger fish to fry. But wait! That’s exactly what a rumor monger would want me to think!” Before he could follow this train of thought further, Loki vanished into a portal. “Man, that’s cool,” Spidey mumbled. The falafel guy was staring at him now, so he swung up and away in search of more bad guys.

In Central Park, he spied Otto Octavius. Of course! It would be May’s ex who spread horrible rumors about her. Time to pay old Ocky a visit. He landed in front of the octopus villain, who stopped dead in his tracks.

“Hey man,” Spider-Man began.

Dr. Octavius rolled his eyes. “Not you again,” he said. “Can’t a villain get a day off? I’m kinda in the middle of a long thoughtful walk here.”

“I’ll make it quick then,” said Spidey. “I heard you’ve been spreading rumors about May Parker. What’s with that?? It’s over. Can’t you just let it go?”

Spider-Man accuses Doc Ock of smack talk

[Silky Gooseness]

Jess couldn’t look away. Whilst intellectually, she knew that Red Skull had taken experimental concoctions that had elevated his physical capabilities, she had had no idea that it enabled him to dance quite so vigorously. Mesmerised by his pelvic gyrations as the hair piece - which almost had a life of its own (what had possessed Professor X to think that he would suit two-tone ringlets? And the mullet - a bold choice), Jess almost whacked herself on the glass as the supervillain let out a hearty laugh which Jess couldn’t hear, from across the block.

But she hadn’t missed the flash of yellow in “Red Skull”s eyes.

“No way,” she whispered to herself, almost admiringly, as the tortured red skin gave way to the glowing visage of a beautiful woman. It was Black Cat!

Except - it wasn’t, was it?

There was only one person Jessica knew of who had the skill to transform their body so seamlessly. “What are you up to, Mystique?” she muttered. “Apart from proving that the only thing about you that doesn’t lie is THOSE HIPS.”

Spider-woman accuses Mystique of stealing Prof X’s hairpiece!

[Dimcairien Luiniel]

Loki was annoyed with the teenage boy to say the least. How dare he accuse him of saying things about a lovely woman! While he was severely tempted to take over the boy's subsconscious with his scepter, at least for how, he would resist. First things first, it would be a matter of seeing just how much chaos he could cause with his accusations, especially now that his stomach was satisfyingly full.

Considering the crime, Loki was certain that only a shapeshifter was capable of doing so, and it clearly was not him, the only other possibility was that strange blue girl Mystique.

Loki accuses Mystique of Jewel heist in NYC

[Dungeon Delver]

Captain Marvel

How had she mistaken that guy for Mystique? Wow that was embarrassing. She needed to get out of there before she confused the guy running on the treadmill for Professor X (he was bald at least and… dude, wipe the equipment down when you’re done, that’s gross).

Extricating herself from the gym, Captain Marvel decided she needed some coffee. Where was the best place to do that and keep a low profile? There was this place in New Mexico that was absolutely bomb and made a killer green chile scone and decent latte. She could hide out there for a while.

Alas, apparently it was not to be. Stark and Pepper were out on the town in Albuquerque, enjoying the hot air balloon festival, when Green Goblin appeared and did something so bad that Tony and Pepper both were rendered utterly helpless.

Captain Marvel accuses Green Goblin of stealing Pepper’s Day Planner

[Allacan ob Burzum]

Rocket

There was a great deal of swearing and cursing from the kitchen of The Milano, as well as the sounds of pots and pans being thrown around. "What the hell does is wrong with you people that you can't even do the washing up?!" was the final crescendo-ed cry of exasperation as the small bi-pedal raccoon figure came stomping out of the doorway, angrily snatching the dirty pot that had landed atop his head off and hurling it away. He then peered around angrily, huffing in frustration that none of his travelling companions were immediately available for him to shout angrily at, subconsciously licking his fingers clean of the sauce even as he sulked.

He turned back to the room that might once have been called a kitchen but now resembled a tip, and gave a long sigh. Then he tilted his head to one side in confusion as he spotted something hairy among the pile of discarded materials. He pulled out on of his oversized side-arms and aimed carefully at it as he approached (you can never be too careful in space) and at last only relaxed when he had poked it a few times only to discover it was not alive and in fact seemed to be nothing more elaborate than a discarded hair-piece.

"Hey guys? Anybody? When we stole that shipment headed for Doc Oct's laboratory, were we...er... expecting it to contain any hairpieces?" He said, lifting up the limp wig with the barrel of his rifle.

(Doc Oct stole Professor X’s hairpiece)

[Giliathriel]

Fat Thor OOC: I hope I'm allowed to keep guessing, if not just ignore me lol

Thor cheered triumphantly as Loki was revealed for his nefarious ways. That was a perfectly good buffet that Thor would never again get to experience. But as he was leaving the sad remnants of a once great feast, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. Didn't that woman look familiar? Oh! That was Nat's sister! But who was that with her? They were turned around, and Thor was unable to see her face.

He had nothing better to do but follow, them of course. Maybe they'd pass by a good cafe or something. As they walked, however, he came to realize somethings about the stranger. For starters, he was tall, and the way he carried himself bespoke of one with great power. Thor thought, searching his mind for someone that could fit that description. Finally, he had an epiphany. "Magneto, does Nat know you're dating her sister?" Nat's sister turned and smiled, holding up a ring on her left hand. Thor's jaw dropped. "You eloped? This is wonderful! Why didn't you have a wedding? But why him?"

Thor accuses Magneto of eloping with Black Widow's sister

[Gwai]

2nd update

@Zôrzimril Poor Doc Ock, for a change, actually did take a day off, and was NOT talking smack about Aunt May!

@HONK HONK As much as we'd all love to see Mystique in a two-tone mullet, she did NOT steal Professor X's hairpiece!

@Dimcairien Luiniel While she's definitely capable of a jewel heist, Mystique is up to other nefarious work, and did NOT heist the jewels!

@Anathema of Light The Green Goblin did NOT steal Pepper's day planner, probably because he's planning on swiping the green chile scone!

@Allacan ob Burzum Rocket should probably just throw the wig out the airlock, because Doc Ock did NOT steal the hairpiece!

@Sparky Boy (OOC-yes it's a free for all!) Her sister may have eloped, but it was NOT with Magneto!

Leaderboard
Sparky Boy (Giliathriel?) --3 points

[Silky Gooseness]

Blinking away the vision before her, Jess rubbed at her eyes. This kind of indoors work could send a girl mad. Snapping her gloves on, she opened the window and glided out above the street, casually.

A flash of blonde hair caught her eye. Was that Yelena? And whose arm did she have hold of?

Jessica quickly touched down - hovering was so unsubtle, as was this entire red and yellow outfit. Sometimes she wondered what she, the designer, had been thinking. But more so, she was wondering what Yelena was thinking... because going out with Coppermouth was surely a bad idea. Did Nat know about this!?

I accuse Coppermouth of eloping with Black Widow’s sister.

[Dungeon Delver]

Captain Marvel

Captain Marvel’s incorrect guess that Green Goblin was going after Pepper Potts would have been more embarrassing had she not apprehended him for trying to steal that green chile scone (a much worse crime, a capital punishment worthy crime really). She accepted the accolades given to her by the mayor of the town with as many fake smiles as she could manage. She much more avidly accepted the reward from the coffee shop of free coffee and scones for life. Now that was more like it!

Obtaining a vanilla latte from a girl who was “just her biggest fan ever”, Captain Marvel decided this was a good a place to relax and listen to her favorite podcast, Rex Factor for anyone interested, when lo and behold the most horrid thing of all flashed before her eyes: no connection! Of all the… fine. Fine! She wasn’t happy about it, but she should have known a tiny New Mexico town would have internet connectivity issues. She popped the earbuds into Starlord’s cassette tape, needing some good old relaxing tunes.

That was not what she got.

Captain Marvel accuses Venom of recording over Starlord’s cassette tape with a 10-part podcast series on “How to macrame”

[Giliathriel]

Fat Thor

Thor triumphantly caught up with Black Widow's sister and her mystery man, and turned him around. "Ha, I knew it was you, Magneto!" To his complete and utter disdain, the man inside was certainly not Magneto. Oh sure, it looked like him alright, but Thor had a feeling about people, and while this one looked almost like Magneto, the transformation wasn't perfect. And he only knew one person besides Loki who could pull that off, and Loki had been busy eating all the food at the buffet. Thor would never forgive him for that. "Mystique! What are you doing wearing Magneto's body? I hope Natalie's sister knows that you're not actually him!"

He turned to Natalie's sister. "You did know that this is Mystique, right?"

Fat Thor accuses Mystique of eloping with Black Widow's sister

OOC: yes this is Giliathriel, enjoying the chaos that is plaza halloween!

[Zôrzimril]

Spider-Man/Peter Parker

“Oh, okay, sorry man!” Spider-Man apologized when Dr. Octavius vehemently denied being the one to talk smack about Aunt May. “Well, uh, have a nice walk!” And away he swung.

As he flew south through the concrete jungle of Manhattan and crossed the Brooklyn Bridge, he pondered the mystery at hand. He tried to ignore the tourists pointing, shouting, and taking pictures of him. “Spider-Man! You’re the coolest!” He chanced a glance at a couple of pretty girls who were waving to him and smacked into one of the towers on the bridge's Brooklyn end. Spider-Man managed to cling to the stone wall and turned to wave back. “I’m okay!” he yelled.

Back to thinking. The most likely suspect plus a random Asgardian had been ruled out. So who would talk smack about Aunt May?? Maybe someone with a thing for water fountains, or germs, or both? Yeah, that’d be it! Clearly, the bad guy wanted to throw people off the scent of their own germ fetish. He stroked his chin as he contemplated the possibilities.

Spider-Man peered down at the throngs of people passing below him on the pedestrian side of the bridge. Man, that one dude had a bad sunburn. Oh wait! It wasn’t a sunburned bald man! It was Red Skull! And he totally looked like a guy who’d be into weird stuff like germs.

Spider-Man waited till Red Skull had passed beneath the tower and dropped right in front of him.

“Mein Gott!” Red Skull yelped.

“What's up!” piped Spidey. “Just hanging out in 21st century NYC for a chill weekend, are we? Or are we here for a good... gossip??”

Spider-Man desperately accuses Red Skull of smack talk

[Gwai]

Update Number Three

@HONK HONK You are correct, Coppermouth did, indeed, elope with Black Widow's sister! (Clearly he's very brave). You get 1 point!!

@Ursus americanus As much as I wouldn't put it past him, it was NOT Venom who recorded over the Cassette tape (I'm up to the neverending Queen Victoria episode(s) btw)

@Sparky Boy Mystique better watch her back before Magneto finds out what she's up to! But Mystique did NOT elope with Black Widow's sister!

@San While I don't entirely believe it either, Red Skull must have been in town for a chill weekend (or something else??) because he was NOT talking smack about Aunt May!

Leaderboard
Giliathriel --3 points
Sil--1 point

[Silky Gooseness]

Jessica emerged into the none-too-fresh air of the city, completely bemused but still smiling, flush with unexpected pleasure. That it had been the infamous Cottonmouth eloping with the equally notorious Yelena Belova was surprising enough: that Yelena should have grabbed Jessica’s arm when confronted and absolutely insisted that she act as their bridesmaid and emergency witness was a double whammy. But honestly, it had been quite a lovely ceremony. The pair were now off on “a totally law-abiding honeymoon,” Cottonmouth had assured her, winking heavily and pushing what turned out to be half-melted wedding cake favours into her hands.

Jessica dipped a finger in the icing, put it to her lips. The rest of the cake went in the bin: spandex was SO unforgiving and this outfit really didn’t give her any room for expansion.

Twirling her bouquet, she sauntered down the streets when something caught her eye. It was a mullet.

But this time it was perched atop the head of a muscular gentleman, whose bulk was so severe that Jess would’ve accused him of taking steroids - which would also account for the alarming purple hue he was - had it not been equally evident that this was none other than Thanos. Jessica’s eyes about bugged out of her head. It had to be Thanos. Even with that hair. Which meant that... as Thanos was notoriously bald, that had to be a wig.

Professor X’s wig.

Spiderwoman accuses Thanos of stealing Professor X’s wig...

[Dungeon Delver]

Captain Marvel

It was time to leave New Mexico. It was too damn hot out here. They said it’s a dry heat but what they don’t tell you about dry heat is that it’s dry because all the moisture is sucked out of everything, leaving the entire area a dry husk of death and heat exhaustion. Even Captain Marvel wasn’t immune. Perhaps she’d make her way north to Montana. Surely it would be cooler up in the mountains. And more isolated. She could ask Stark if he had a cabin up there (of course he had one, he probably had at least three) that she could crash at, one that was off the radar and away from all her fans. Wisely though, while she was in Santa Fe talking to Stark, she took the time to download about 72 hours’ worth of history podcasts. She was not going to have a repeat of listening to Star Lord’s music.

She stopped in Missoula to fill up on food and beer (mostly beer) when she saw a familiar blue face (she was sure this time) sneaking about the Albertsons’ parking lot. Dammit with the sexy! Mystique was wearing a fabulous cape!

Captain Marvel accuses Mystique of wearing a cape with a taller collar than Doctor Strange (and looking good doing it)
OOC: not gonna lie, I remember nothing from the Prime Minister episodes, not a damn thing

[Allacan ob Burzum]

Rocket

He watched in satisfaction as the hair-piece fluttered and opened up like a flower in the vacuous gravity-less emptiness of space, surrounded by the expelled dishes and glasses that were the hastily disposed of piles of washing up. He grinned to himself and dusted his hands off as the airlock re-locked into place and turning back to admire the now infinitely cleaner kitchen area. Now all he needed to do was make sure he was elsewhere when the rest of the crew discovered that they were short on coffee cups.

He headed back to the pilot's seat, relaxed back in the reclining chair and lifted his feet up onto the desk. "Aaaaah, this is the life" He sighed to himself as he stretched out and groaned in satisfaction. His toe unwittingly hit one of the controls, and suddenly music was blaring through the cockpit from the new tape player and speakers Starlord had installed after their most recent visit to Earth. In a panic he sat bolt upright and hastily went to switch off the music, but hesitated with his paw over the chunky square 'Stop' button.

The tunes that were playing out weren't the usual upbeat tunes he had become accustomed to, given Starlord's penchant for playing his tapes on repeat despite the protestations of the rest of the crew. A soft, warbling voice was crooning out "...Never mind I'll fi-ind, someone like yoooouuuouuuu, I wish nothing but the be-est, for yoooou twoooo..."

His nose crinkled, and he hit the buttons to stop and eject the tape. He didn't recognise the tune at all, but when the tape was in his hand, he recognised with horror the symbols on the side. This was definitely one of Starlord's tapes, but that song did not belong on it! He slammed it back in and rewound it for a bit... "Go on and take it, (take iiiit) take it all with you-ou-ou. Don't look back at this crumbling fool. Just take it all, with my love..." The sound of a tape rewinding... "I set fi-i-ire to the rain. Watch it pour as I touched your fa-ace..." the screeching rewind again "Next time I'll be braver, I'll be my own saviour, when the thunder calls for me..." the scrambling sound of the rewind and then "We could've had it a-a-all. Rolling in the dee-e-eep. You had my heart insi-ide your hand. But you played it... with a beating"

When the tape reached the beginning he hurriedly ejected it again and gripped it with tight paws, glancing around panicky. They'd had a run in with Magneto and the guy had stolen Starlord's portable cassette player for a while, but they'd got it back eventually and everything was back to normal. It was supposed to be back to normal! And yet, Magneto had obviously known how to use the technology and had recorded over the music for some reason. Starlord would be livid! He had to do something, but in that moment of panic he had no idea of what!

(Magneto recorded over Starlord’s cassette tape with a 10-part podcast series on “How to macrame” Adele's album '21' in a fit of heartache after being rejected by Mystique once again)

[Zôrzimril]

Spider-Man

Red Skull had stormed off and attempted to blend in with the massive crowd on the bridge. Spider-Man scratched his head, puzzled. Maybe it was time to take a break from this particular case. He was too personally invested. Yeah, that was it. He was tripping up because it was personal - an insult hurled at May was an insult hurled at Peter.

“Phew. Okay. Let’s go,” he muttered. He swung up to Midtown and found a perch overlooking Times Square. The news was playing on a huge screen. BREAKING NEWS flashed across it. JEWEL HEIST IN NYC. THIEVES STILL AT LARGE.

“Jewel heist?” Spidey exclaimed. “In NYC?” He looked around. “I’m in NYC! Why does everything always happen here??”

Solving a local crime seemed like the kind of thing a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man would do. “I’ll take the case!” he said to no one. He did a flip and then swung away.

He saw a big purple guy boarding the Staten Island Ferry. “Thanos!” he whispered. How would he get over to the ferry, though? He wasn’t much of a swimmer. Also he didn’t really want to face Thanos one-on-one. Aha!

“Droney, go follow Thanos,” he commanded. The tiny spider-shaped drone detached itself from his suit and buzzed off after the Titan. Spider-Man hung out on the roof of Whitehall Terminal and spied via his drone. Thanos definitely had an infinity gauntlet on. But was it filled with infinity stones, or perhaps some common jewels?

“Droney, poke Thanos! I need to see what kind of shiny stuff is on that gauntlet.” The little drone obeyed. Thanos turned and caught sight of the drone. “Aw man!” Spider-Man groaned. “Get out of there, Droney! Quick!” He swung down to the shore and screamed, “Hey Thanos! Pro tip: maybe don’t wear the jewels you just stole so openly!”

Spider-Man accuses Thanos of a jewel heist in NYC

[Gwai]

Update Number Four

@HONK HONK--Number one reason NOT to be a superhero--you can't eat cake. However, Thanos doesn't care about that, or apparently his fashion sense, because he did NOT steal Professor X's hairpiece. Perhaps he should have.

@Ursus thibetanus While you'd think Albertson's would be all about the capes, Mystique was up to something else up in Montana, and did NOT wear a tape taller than Dr Strange's

@Allacan ob Burzum--While Magneto did NOT record over Quill's tape, maybe we ask call him to due to that song!

@San Spidey definitely attracts the bad guys, and while Thanos is definitely up to something, he did NOT heist jewels in NYC. At least right now.

Leaderboard
Giliathriel --3 points
Sil--1 point

[Lirimaer]

Winter Soldier

The Soldier felt a flicker of memory. He'd been about to accuse Loki of something ... taking something of Thor's and then WHAM! What, was it like two weeks later now? Where had he been? What had he been doing? Damn trickster messing with his mind. Gears whirring in his arm as he flexed his fingers, the Soldier knew of another thing that had gone down. It was quite handy being a ghost, hanging around in the shadows, he heard a lot of things. And one of those things had happened while he was lurking near the weird but springy Spider boy with strength no kid should have. Venom was stalking the kid, winding him up a treat, and evidently trying to lure him into some sort of combat with the extremely rude observations he was making about Stark and Spidey's aunt ... of course, Deadpool had arrived by that point, and the whole conversation devolved so fast it made the Soldier reconsider his life choices as he went off to find some bad guys to punch.

Winter Soldier accuses Venom of talking smack about Aunt May

[Silky Gooseness]

Jessica stammered and blushed in embarrassment. How was she to know that the purple man (who, thankfully, wasn’t actually Purple Man) was simply suffering from a rare skin condition and wasn’t actually Thanos in a wig? She quickly made a retreat, ducking into a nearby jewellery shop.

She was just admiring some of the pretties on show when suddenly a metal arm came whirring through the door (with some trouble, since it was one of those fancy revolving ones). Some swearing later, the owner of the arm followed it. He had six other arms, three metal and two ordinary.

“Doctor Otto!” Jessica exclaimed, springing to her feet. Not for one moment did she believe he was merely out browsing. This was obviously some sort of heist!

Spiderwoman accuses Doc Ock of a NYC Jewel heist

[Gwai]

Update Five

@Lirimaer Good thing Bucky is back, because Venom was talking smack about Aunt May! You get 1 point!

@HONK HONK Jessica is usually right, but not in this case. Doc Ock did NOT pull off the jewel heist.

Leaderboard
Giliathriel --3 points
Sil--1 point
Lirimaer--1 point

[Lirimaer]

Winter Soldier

After looking at the list of villains and crimes, Bucky thought it was quite likely any of them had robbed the jewellery shop. In fact, that might have been the mafia, or even a couple of down on their luck kids ... it certainly didn't have to be a full on villain. He'd let the cops sort that one out. In terms of Cap though, Bucky had a little insider knowledge, and it was called 'meeting your nemesis replacement and realising that they did not have a face that peeled off'. Red Skull had been a lot narked with Erskine and his formula, and did not relish being a guinea pig. He had minions for that sort of stuff. Other people were guinea pigs, not their fearless leaders.

And so, while Cap was taking a little nap under the sea, Red Skull - transported across space by the Tesseract - began a concentrated ab workout which would, he trusted, screw over Steve Rogers and his perfect Dorito-shaped body once and for all. Bucky had of course read all this in his eyes when he looked at the freak pulling his own face off. Men in masks were not to be trusted.

He should know.

Winter Soldier accuses Red Skull of working out so much he had bigger abs than Captain America

[Giliathriel]

Fat Thor

Unnerved from the experience of misidentifying the man that Nat's sister had run off with so many times, he decided to take a stroll down the street to clear his head. He had only gone a few blocks when he found another distraction, however. He'd only met Professor X a handful of times, but he'd remember that hairpiece anywhere. A marvelous piece it was, too, though of course it could never compare to Thor's flowing golden locks. He stroked his beard proudly, admiring the length. You had to work for great hair.

He knew Magneto on sight, of course. All the avengers did, it was in the yearly dossier they received of individuals to look out for. And given the famous history between Professor X and Magneto, Thor wasn't at all surprised to see that Magneto had stolen something so personal.

All this running was going to be the death of him.

"Stop!" He wheezed as he chased after Magneto. "Give that man his hair back!"

Fat Thor accuses Magneto of stealing Professor X's hairpiece

[Silky Gooseness]

“Certainly not, young lady!” boomed Doc Ock. Jessica wilted, shamefully. Apparently the good Doctor was also thinking of proposing marriage to someone and was merely browsing the goods on offer, in a quite lawful manner.

“Sorry... suspicious times...” mumbled Jessica, awkwardly biting at her fingertip glove in an attempt to conceal her embarrassment. She bravely tried to change the subject.

“Why Otto - you look very stylish: dressing for a date perhaps? Why, your cape collar looks even higher than Doctor Strange’s!”

For all she knew this was a common cause of rivalry amongst people who held doctorates.

Jess accuses Doc Ock of wearing a cape with a collar higher than Doctor Strange

[Allacan ob Burzum]

Rocket

He decided the best place for the cassette tape would be somewhere Starlord - or anyone else for that matter - would never find it. And knowing the crew's habit of avoiding anything even remotely like housework, he knew exactly where to hide it. He hurried through the ship, jumping over chairs and sliding under tables, until he had found the locker inside which were all the weapons associated with a janitor rather than a galactic superhero. He opened the cupboard and gazed around the dimly lit closet for a while before settling on the packet of sponges. He carefully placed the cassette between two large ship-scourers (best used for clearing away space-barnacles), where it would likely remain unnoticed until the ship needed its next paint job but should remain safe between the cushioning sponges, then slammed the door and threw his back against it, panting in relief that he had successfully gotten rid of the evidence before he was caught red-pawed.

His look of relief changed to one of nose-curling curiosity as he saw a strange sight out of the nearest window. The strange figure of the Green Goblin was hovering in space on the back of what appeared to be a rocket-powered surf-board. But that was not the part that had Rocket approaching the window and pressing his nose against the re-inforced titanium glass in curiosity. No; the thing that caught Rocket's attention was the fact that Mr Osborn appeared to have discovered Professor X's hairpiece floating in space and had decided to try it on, and was now enjoying flying back and forth on his space-board flicking his new hair forward and back like he was auditioning for a L'oriel advert.

(Green Goblin stole Professor X's hairpiece)

[Zôrzimril]

Spider-Man

Wow, this was not going well. Not at all. Thank goodness Mr. Stark wasn’t around at the moment to watch Spider-Man struggling so hard just to find out who did what! “I mean, really,” Spider-Man mumbled as he left Thanos behind. “Who else would have stolen a bunch of jewels if NOT the guy who went all over the galaxy in search of some sparkly stones?”

He paused on Wall Street for a moment. Was he going about this all wrong? Being too logical? Was there even such a thing? He looked up at the NYSE building. Those stock broker guys sometimes just went with their guts, right? Defied all logic and made fortunes? Maybe he could employ this tactic.

Just as he had this thought, who should fly by but Green Goblin? He was riding that weird glider thing. “Aha!” cackled the Goblin. “There you are!” He swooped down to attack.

“Hey - whoa - hold up!” Spider-Man shouted. The villain halted midair. Making a mental note to ask sometime how that hover thing worked, Spider-Man blurted, “I’m kinda not in the mood for a fight today, man. I’m out here solving a mystery!”

Green Goblin laughed again. “Oh really? What great mystery are you out to solve, little spider?”

“The mystery of who ... dressed up like the Hulk for Halloween!” Spider-Man invented wildly. “You are a bit green with envy ... of his biceps. If I do say so myself. Get it?” He giggled at his own wit.

Spider-Man accuses Green Goblin of dressing up like the Hulk for Halloween