Lord of the Rings Fanatics Plaza

Posted: **Thu May 14, 2020 11:19 pm**

HEEEEEEEERE'S SNAKEY!!!!
Greetings, Minions, mutts, and associated hangers-on! We are BACK with a brand new round of Lava Snake Racing for your delectation, delight, and vicious competition. Would it really be Mordor without a fresh pack of lava snakes slithering madly towards victory to cheers, applause, and threats of death and imminent doom? I think not. And to celebrate the return of this grandiose game, we are opening it up to ALL, which means if you want to sidle your freep hiney in and pit your snake against the homegrown serpents of doom, you can! ...at your own risk. Don't say we didn't warn you.

How it Works
The announcer (Bagronk, played by Moriel) will roll dice for your moves, all you have to do is choose A or B and then describe what the announcer tells you.

A = Move Rolls: If you choose A, you will get to move around the 50-space board we’ve set up. To determine how far you move, the announcer will roll a 6-sided die. Even rolls move you forwards, odd rolls move you backwards.

B = Action Rolls: Choosing B means the announcer rolls a 20-sided dice with either a heftier space move or some action your pet will need to perform (like picking a fight with another racing pet!) There is a pre-determined list set up already with 14 actions, plus 6 chances to move ahead extra spaces.

Once the announcer tells you what your roll produced, you post describing your next move in reaction to it! At the end of your post, you then choose A or B, for the next round.

Each lava snake will get seven turns to move, and whichever creature is farthest ahead after the seven turns will win.

Spectators are permitted to post and comment, heckle, place bets, etc.

Signup and Update Periods
Previously, there was a 7 day signup period, and game updates were then made every 48 hours. If there's a huge response or/and everyone posts really fast, that may change!

To sign up, RP your entrance and tell us your Lava Snake's Name and Trainer's Name. Posts may be as long or short as you please, so long as they are 300+ characters (appx. 3 lines in the text box) long. This race takes place at the foot of Orodruin, so watch out for falling ash!

Posted: **Fri May 15, 2020 10:04 am**

Nerwen entered the area trying her best to look like she belonged and knew what she was doing. She had not yet quite recovered from the bartering, heckling, and downright argument she had just had with the Lava Snake trader. The orc or goblin or maybe just insanely ugly man she had found to buy a snake from had tried to sell her a big fat stick instead of an actual live snake. Luckily, a bit of dagger lead persuasion, and axe threat had really worked in her favour. Now, at arm's length, she held a (not so secure) basket which contained her snake. She had decided to call the beasty, Phoebe, because she thought that slightly rhymed. She also thought the name Phoebe sounded familiar, but Eru knew why because it wasn't a very dwarven name. She put the basket down, laid her axe across the top (for safety) and waited for the announcer and other contestants to appear.

Posted: **Fri May 15, 2020 10:23 am**

Aelfaed was not totally comfortable with her surroundings here at the foot of a raging volcano in the middle of Mordor, and the other race participants were likely to give her further cause for concern, but not one to show weakness in front of others she held her head high as she strode towards the arena. Something squirmed under her sleeve and she shook her arm slightly to reveal a pair of gleaming emerald eyes set in a scaled, streamlined head. "Do keep still Loroth, I'm not used to carrying an animal on my person, normally my horse and my dog move under their own steam" she chided the snake, who angled her head towards the rider and glared.

Aelflaed ignored the glare and looked up to find herself at the start point for the race. With red-blonde hair waving in the heat-waves she knelt down and tipped Loroth out of her sleeve onto the ash-covered ground. "Now, be a good snake and win. Or perhaps I should say, be a bad snake, as no doubt all the other competitors will be lying and cheating their way to the finish line. Whatever, you know what to do, or so I was promised by the man who sold you to me." She rolled her eyes "I really should know better by now not to speak to strange men in pubs." Straightening she took a few steps back to join the spectator line, making shooing motions at her snake to encourage it to move well.

Posted: **Fri May 15, 2020 5:29 pm**

NPC Aghbagh

While the orc had managed to stay alive long enough to make himself useful of some more powerful masters, he himself was still something of a coward and a blowhard - using his false bravado to bluff his way out of tricky situations which might see him dismembered, disemboweled, or even worse: turned into a nasty, filthy Elf. Aghbagh was scrawny, even by Orc standards, but what he lacked in bulk he made up for in being lithe and wily. His most recent employer, a filthy Silvan named Reikon, had developed an interest in various games and activities through Sauron's realm. The Orc couldn't fathom why an Elf would risk his life venturing to Mordor for a small purse of coin, but Aghbagh didn't question where he was getting his income and food from. On this particular occasion, the Lava Snake Races had brought his proprietor's interest, and so Aghbagh had showed up with Windy the lava snake to take home the grand prize. The other competitors didn't stand a chance; Aghbagh had grown this lava snake from an egg himself, and certain 'enhancements' would make the creature a formidable opponent on the race course.

Posted: **Fri May 15, 2020 6:30 pm**

NPC Glasha

A good lava snake was hard to find, and her last couple had met with unfortunate...accidents, so to speak. Most of the time the lava snake racing was a thankless job, but every once in a while she’d manage to cheat enough to win, and be able to live like a Nazgul for a day or two. Her most recently acquired snake, Gazorpazorp, wasn’t one she would expect to go far in the cut-throat field of racing, but maybe he (she?) would surprise her. Glasha took a closer look at Zorp. She was barely sure it was a snake, it was possibly some weird crossbreed between a snake and a lizard. Didn’t matter though, the judges probably wouldn’t notice. And if they did, well, this was Mordor and (probably) nobody would notice if the judge happened to meet with an unfortunate “accident” either.

Posted: **Fri May 15, 2020 7:47 pm**

NPC Bob the Troll

Bob was a simple troll, He liked long walks on the ashen fields, taking a stroll into Gondor and eating human villagers, and of course spending all his hard earned money on lava snake racing betting. One day He would make back his losses, but suffice it to say he was deep deep in the hole. Today, Bob had found a new snake when exploring the mountains, and his little buddy Tom Willbert was a striped lava snake with a long scar on its face, a good sign. It means that Tom was a survivor. Approaching the race, Bob gave his little buddy a few pieces of meat to eat and a sip of water and then set him down ready to begin the race.

Posted: **Sat May 16, 2020 4:06 am**

NPC Garbanzo Beangurtz with Little Gairie

Garbanzo, renowned spider venom extractor and leather mender extraordinaire, was also an AVID snake racer. And why wouldn't he be? It kind of came with the venomous territory. In fact, many years ago, he was a member of the Go'get'em Venoms underground racing team. Not many other minions know about it because it was an exclusivity club known mainly to the venom extractors and a few worthy outsiders. That is when he met his racer, Little Gairie, a slithering, molten hot shot from Udûn. Ever since then, the pair had been inseparable, and were victors in nearly every race they entered. Hopefully that streak wouldn't end today at the Orodruin race! And if Little Gairie had anything to hiss about it, it wouldn't.

Posted: **Sat May 16, 2020 9:23 am**

Sssstanley, With Himself

Ssstanley had always wanted fame and fortune. Whilst the other members of his slithery family had dreamed only of catching a particularly fat newt for dinner, Ssstanley wanted to see his name in bright lights. Not that he could read. Or knew what a bright light really was. He just needed some RECOGNITION, the snakes around here just did not appreciate him and nobody understood. Hours alone working on his prog music (“it’s not just about hissing, it’s about putting your whole body into the hiss and letting the air pass over your tongue, man”) had not improved his perspective.

So yeah, lava snake racing - this had got to be the way to get people’s attention, right? So what if he wasn’t one of these fancy bred snakes who probably ate every week and had proper owners and everything? So what if Ssstanley looked to be a poor excuse for a piece of wet string that would’ve been rejected for being too wet and stringy?

Confidence. Confidence is everything, snake bros.

Ssstanley sidled up to one of the other lava snakes ready for racing and attempted to saucily flick his tail.

“Hey there gorgeoussss”, he said.

Posted: **Mon May 18, 2020 4:16 pm**

Picaroon (spectating)

There were a lot of shifty looking characters here. Then again, he was rather shifty looking himself. At least, that's what that barkeep had said. But what did she know? Pirates were handsome. He was charming. Probably.

He looked around at the competitors, and belatedly wished he had a snake. It was an odd mix; several orcish looking creatures, that made sense, but there were a few who didn't quite seem to belong. A dwarf, for instance. Odd.

Well, he didn't have a snake, so he was just going to have to find a comfortable seat- er, rock? to sit on. Luckily he had already gotten concessions from an ornery looking goblin. Some sort of crunchy black beetle chips. It sounded good to Pic. One could never have enough food. He chose himself a rock that wouldn't stab his bum and settled in to watch the races.

He was placing bets on the dwarf.

Posted: **Wed May 20, 2020 4:14 am**

Alright people, let's get this show on the road!

Racers:
Nerwen, with Phoebe
Aelfaed, with Loroth
Aghbagh, with Windy
Glasha, with Zorp
Bob the Troll, with Tom Willbert
Garbanzo Beangurtz, with Little Gairie
Sssstanley, with himself

Bagronk surveyed the assembled crown and nodded his approval. He was a snappily dressed little goblin, coin purses jingling at his belt, notebook hooked through it with a pencil dangling on a string, ready to take down bets and adjust odds at the speed of light. Lava Snake Racing was always good for the pocketbook, as well as being highly entertaining. He examined the angle of the sun and, after noting down the name of the last snake, clapped his hands together to gain the attention of the competitors. "All trainers, bring your snakes to the starting line! The race is about to begin!" Bagronk gestured the the line scratched in the arid dirt before them, red and black pennants snapping in the wind on either side. It was a cruel course he had outline for the serpents, but he was confident at least one would prevail. Or if not, that the difficulty of the course would inspire the trainers to do better next time! When all the snakes were lined up, Bagronk raised up a black flag with one hand, and a small black horn with the other. "Last call, last call! On your mark... get set... betting begins... now!!!" Simultaneously he dropped the flag and blew the horn. The race had begun!

Racers, it's time to make your first move! Line up at the start and take off slithering, bolding your choice of roll (A or B) at the bottom of your post.

It's not too late to sign up! If you want to join, simply RP your way to the starting line and make your first roll.

Update in 48 hours or after all current racers have posted, whichever is sooner

Posted: **Wed May 20, 2020 10:51 am**

NPC Azshla w/ Mdzzk

The daughter of the Harad sauntered in with smile, a gorgeous flame colored lave snake, Mdzzk, draped in coils around her neck and laying against the deeply tanned bare skin of her toned belly. Mdzzk lay languid, her forked tongue barely flicking in and out between her venomed fangs. It was a deceptive appearance, Azshla knew. The lava snake was comfortable around her trainer, but was a force to be reckoned with when it came to speed and willingness to eviscerate any in her way. Uncoiling the deadly snake from her neck and unentangling her from the silver draped about her figure, the figure of an eastern dancer from the desert, a seductress, Azshla settled Mdzzk, so named in order to torture the announcer and to lower Mdzzk's betting odds, onto the sand behind the starting line. After all, what minion wanted the embarrassment of calling out a nearly unpronounceable name simply in order to place a bet? And the longer the odds, the more gold in her pocket. Azshla sauntered back a few steps and waited for the little goblin to drop the black flag and blow his horn signaling both the start of the race and the start of the betting. "Fifty silver marks says my snake wins!" Azshla yelled, daring any to bet against Mdzzk. Or were her competitors all gutless fools good only for Uruk-hai fodder? She smiled at the other competitors seductively, a slight smirk lingering in the depths of her coal black eyes and etched into the corners of her blood red lips.

B Roll, please!

Posted: **Wed May 20, 2020 7:27 pm**

NPC Glasha with Zorp

Glasha carried Gazorpazorp to the starting line, wanting him to conserve his strength. He had eaten a nasty looking rat two weeks ago so should be in prime shape. The other lava snakes were beginning to line up. Glasha untangled the black snake with the occasional red stripe from her arm and set him down at the starting line, nudging him forward a few inches with her boot to give him an advantage. "You'd better slither quickly, my friend," Glasha murmured. "I'm going to have money riding on this."

Someone in the crowd was calling bets involving fifty silver marks. Glasha whistled under her breath. That was a lot of money. She fingered the dagger at her belt lovingly, thinking if Zorp didn't win she might still walk away with a bit of a reward.

B Roll please![/color]

Posted: **Wed May 20, 2020 8:53 pm**

As Bob gently pushed his little lava snake to eat a small piece of meat, there was some speech but an insignificant goblin, and Bob did not really care to pay attention. He turned and set Tom Willbert onto the ground next to the starting line and then heard the horn explode. Stepping on the tail of the little snake, Bob shouted, “Getcha going” and the poor lava snake took off.

A Roll Ma’am

Posted: **Thu May 21, 2020 9:06 am**

Nerwen saw the little, gaudily dressed goblin raise his hands and clap, summoning racers and snakes to the line. The dwarf upended Phoebe's basket in the general area of line, hopefully with the front end in the right direction and stepped back. Nerwen didn't like to get to hot, and there was something about the species lava snake that suggested it could get a little toasty. The horn blew and the race was started!
B roll please

Posted: **Thu May 21, 2020 12:37 pm**

Ssstanley the Sssnake

Slightly saddened that the snakelet he was trying to seduce had stonewalled him, Ssstanley slithered slowly to the starting spot. “Seems I must stay single,” he sighed, “unless I can impress with my super speediness?”

B roll please

Posted: **Thu May 21, 2020 9:36 pm**

Aelflaed practically had to kick her snake towards the starting line. Never had she seen such a reluctant racer! "I really have been sold a dud, haven't I" she muttered to herself as Loroth gave her baleful glares and inched forward the bare minimum possible. "Come on, it's starting, just pretend there is a nice big fat juicy rat in front of you or something" she begged the slow serpent.

B roll please

Posted: **Fri May 22, 2020 9:41 am**

ROLL RESULTS

Nerwen, with Phoebe - B Roll - 2 - you take off with vim and vigor! Unfortunately you were a little too vigorous and run snout first into a boulder. RP your injury and reaction before getting around the boulder and making your next roll.

Aelfaed, with Loroth - B Roll - 17 - you take off at the speed of light! Unfortunately, your sense of direction is terrible and you immediately slither off a cliff. RP your way back to the race course and make your next roll.

Aghbagh, with Windy - no roll

Glasha, with Zorp - B Roll - 20 - you are poised to take off, but then get distracted by a tasty looking mushroom. Unfortunately
for you, it's the hallucinogenic kind. RP the results of your trip before rejoining the race and making your next roll.

Bob the Troll, with Tom Willbert - A Roll - 5 - you seem to have mistaken the directions and take off backwards! Bad luck.

Garbanzo Beangurtz, with Little Gairie - no roll

Sssstanley, with himself - B Roll - 8 - move forward!

Azshla, with Mdzzk - B Roll - 12 - move forward!

STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 1
1st - Mdzzk
2nd - Ssstanley
Tied for 3rd - Phoebe, Loroth, Windy, Zorp, Little Gairie
4th - Tom Willbert

Next update in ~48 hours!

You may still join, RP coming to the starting line late and make your first roll. You will have less turns than everyone else and may have to take more risks to succeed...

Posted: **Fri May 22, 2020 2:18 pm**

OUCH! Nerwen clapped her hands to her face as Phoebe's nose made contact with the boulder and the snake folded up like a concertina. The dwrafette felt that, and by the spitting and hissing from the lava snake, so had she. Nerwen watched from the side lines as Phoebe lay pushed up against the rock for a moment, inert and condensed after the speed of contact. "Come on" she muttered to herself "Get up, I thought lava snakes were meant to be hardy!" The snake lifted it's head, wavering, clearly dazed, and cross eyes. Nerwen cupped her hands around her mouth and called, "Phoebe, get going! You can still make up the distance!".

A roll please

Posted: **Fri May 22, 2020 3:11 pm**

Ssstanley the Sssolitary

Ssslow and sssteady winsss the raccce, or ssso the sssaying went, Ssstanley musssed to himssself asss he ssscrabbled acrosss the hot assshen ssssurfacccesss that composssed the Racccing Track.

Narrator: I can’t keep this up. Please internally voice this with a lot of hissing.

The other snakes were a right rabble at any rate - one had gone off in the direction, whilst the prettiest snake appeared to have given herself a concussion. What a shame - ah well, apparently it would be too much for her to have both brains and beauty. That sort of blessing was reserved for snakes like Ssstanley.

B roll please.

Posted: **Fri May 22, 2020 3:14 pm**

Glasha with Zorp

Glasha cringed as Zorp immediately ignored the start of the race and instead instantly went over and started eating a mushroom that had been lying by the starting line. Glasha hadn’t realized snakes would even eat mushrooms. Someone was going to be in trouble later!

Zorp was staring into space with a particularly dumb grin on his snake face. “Slither, Zorp!” Glasha yelled at him. He didn’t notice, and instead flopped over onto his back and gazed up at the clouds, looking peaceful. “You’re in the middle of a race, you stupid lava snake!” She screamed at him. Zorp heard the noise, rolled back over, and watched the other contestants start the race. He didn’t join them in moving, but instead watched them with a glazed look in his eyes. It figured Glasha would have a magic mushroom eating snake. Not that she had anything against that per se, but it was not a quality one looked for during a race.

Edit: B Roll please!

Posted: **Fri May 22, 2020 6:37 pm**

Picaroon, Spectating

Well, his money had been placed on the dwarf, a whole bag of gold spoils from his latest expedition. He realized, belatedly, that he may have made a poor choice-- as he watched the dwarf's racing snake run face first into a boulder. Who did that? Ah well.

"Oi! Boulder snake! Wrong way!" He heckled half-heartedly, and then scooped a handful of beetley chips and shoved them into his mouth, crunching them as he watched. Odd flavour, but not bad. His eyes were drawn to another racer, Ssstanely. Another strange one. He could swear, just by watching this one, his brain was starting to supply simply stunning amounts of S's. Alliteration had never been his strong suit, but something strange was starting.

Perhaps it was the beetle chips.

Posted: **Sat May 23, 2020 1:56 am**

NPC Gorfank with Slizzer

Gorfank dashed to the starting line, snake wrapped around his forearm. "Am I late?" he gasped, placing the snake down. A curt nod from the officiating goblin Bagronk indicated that this was true, but that he could still enter his snake, though at somewhat of a disadvantage. Gorfank took a quick look around the assembled crowd and noticed that there were several snakes still at the starting line or even behind it. Perhaps it wasn't such bad luck to be late after all. "Race, Slizzer!" he commanded.

B Roll please.

Posted: **Sat May 23, 2020 7:45 pm**

Aelflaed had barely taken her seat when the racers set off. She sat moodily watching the other racers, then realised she couldn't see her own snake on the course. "Of all the incompetent, stupid, waste-of-space snakes in the world!" she yelled and ran down to the course, where she then had to hunt for quite a while in the hot ash filled arena until she found the stupid serpent dangling by a fang from the edge of a cliff a short distance from the race course. "What in the blazes are you doing you ridiculous rodent-killer!" she growled, lying on her tummy to reach an arm down to the snake. Grabbing her firmly around the neck she pulled upwards, and was rewarded with a bite on the wrist. Dropping the snake quickly on the arena floor with a cry Aelflaed and Loroth stared at each other angrily for a few moments, before, through gritted teeth, Aeflflaed ordered the snake back to the race course. "AND YOU'D BETTER CATCH UP" she yelled at the retreating back of the lava snake.

B roll please

Posted: **Sun May 24, 2020 1:41 am**

NPC Azshla w/ Mdzzk

The hot sand sprayed out as the gorgeous scarlet lava snake coiled and launched off the starting line. Her sinewy strength immediately launched her into the lead. Mdzzk gloated as the other lava snakes fell behind, left in her dusty wake. The smooth sand slid off her scaled sides like water running from the scales of a black water snake. Her kind thrives in the hot sand; it felt glorious. She stretched out her diamond shaped head, straining to coax even more speed out of her slithers.

Ashland watched in satisfaction as Mdzzk sped off to a fast start. Noting one the owner of one lava snake looking at hungrily after she offered a high bet, she winked at him seductively and caressed the stiletto blade resting along the skin of her thigh, hidden from sight. It was encased in a thin sheath designed to protect her skin from the venomed blade. Although Lava snake venom was poisonous, she’d found a way to distill it down to the point where it wouldn’t kill her victims but leave them paralyzed and in complete agony as it raced through the nervous systems. Basically it felt like ones body was on fire. And it didn’t wear off- one had to administer an antidote.

B Roll, please!

Posted: **Sun May 24, 2020 7:59 am**

ROLL RESULTS

Nerwen, with Phoebe - A Roll - 5 - Move backward. Booooooooo.

Aelfaed, with Loroth - B Roll - 7 - Sadly as your trainer is telling you to get back into the race, she tells you to go the wrong way, and you slither off confidently in totally the wrong direction. Get back on track and make your next roll!

Aghbagh, with Windy - no roll

Glasha, with Zorp - B Roll - 16 - move forward!

Bob the Troll, with Tom Willbert - no roll

Garbanzo Beangurtz, with Little Gairie - no roll

Sssstanley, with himself - B Roll - 3 - Despite a strong start, you have now managed to slither your way straight into a tar pit. Figure that one out, and make your next roll.

Azshla, with Mdzzk - B Roll - 3 - Despite a strong start, you have now managed to slither your way straight into a tar pit. Figure that one out, and make your next roll. Yes, you and Ssstanley have the same bad luck.

Gorfank, with Slizzer - B Roll - 19 - You might not be in last place despite a late start, but you certainly don't have the best luck. You take of slithering and immediately cross the slime trail of a poisoned slug, causing fits and hallucinations. RP your recovery and make your next roll!

STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 2
1st - Zorp
2nd - Mdzzk
3rd - Ssstanley
Tied for 4th - Loroth, Windy, Little Gairie, Slizzer
Tied for 5th - Tom Willbert, Phoebe

Next update in ~48 hours!

You may still join, RP coming to the starting line late and make your first roll. You will have less turns than everyone else and may have to take more risks to succeed...

Posted: **Sun May 24, 2020 11:43 am**

Nerwen with Phoebe!

By Melkor! It seemed that the brush with the boulder had done more than daze that wiggling piece of scale pretending to be a racing lava snake. Nerwen took a deep breath "You are going to the wrong way!" she shouted, "This is not training, this is not a rehearsal! You cannot just start over when you mess up". Why oh why hadn't Phoebe noticed the competition going the other way to her. Nerwen dropped her head into her hands and momentarily reminisced about racing in Khazad-dum and the incomparable intelligence of racing badgers. How she missed the pent up rage of those striped mammals being channeled into a fearsome team of racers. She started bouncing on the balls of her feet out of frustration, "Turn around and hurry the fredegar up already!"

B roll please.

Posted: **Sun May 24, 2020 12:59 pm**

Glasha with Zorp

Gazorpazorp suddenly surged forward, making it, temporarily at least, to the front of the racers. Glasha was surprised, with how dreamy he seemed after indulging in the magic mushrooms, she would have expected him to be in last place. She couldn’t give Zorp too much credit yet though, several of the other racers seemed plagued by bad luck, and Zorp did seem to take advantage of it.

B Roll please!

Posted: **Sun May 24, 2020 1:00 pm**

NPC Azshla w/ Mdzzk

Mdzzk was slicing through the hot sand so cleanly and so smoothly with the strength of her beautifully muscled body that she had ceased to pay close attention to the landscape in front of her. Well, truth be told she had seen the tar, it had just been too late to stop her speedy progress. Apparently the handsome lava snake racing up behind her, Sssstanley, had managed to slither into the tar directly behind her too. She hissed a whine as her beautiful scarlet scales coated themselves in tar. She was miffed that the other snakes would see her lovely form simply coated in disgusting ugly tar. Flexing, cooking than releasing her sinewy body, she launched herself free of the tar, but now the silky sand stuck to the tar which stuck to her previously shiny scales. Fortunately, she was never her shedding time, so although it took her in the wrong direction for a moment, she shed her skin with its tar coating, emerging even more brilliant and shining.

The daughter of the Harad watched her snake with an intense gaze as she slid straight into the sticky tar, but Azshla had to admit the lava snake had handled the setback well. The lead may no longer be theirs, but she was sure her slithery friend could quickly make up the distance.

B Roll, please!

Posted: **Sun May 24, 2020 1:50 pm**

Ssstanley the Sssolo

Ssstanley, after ssspeeding off initially, had become distracted. One of the other snakes, a lovely crimson lassie, with a fine diamond shaped head, was heading off at a slight tangent... almost subconsciously, Ssstanley found himself slithering in her direction. Mdzzk, he heard her trainer name her. Ah, it would be a fine thing to have an owner, wouldn’t it? Fresh rat every day, sand baths, someone to polish one’s scales... and perhaps some snakey company. Ssstanley was just thinking of a sssuitable chat up line when

G L O R P

It seemed they had both slithered into a tar pit.

“I can think of no one I’d rather be ssstuck in here with than you,” he attempted suavely, “but as there’s a race going on I ssssuggest you link tails with me and I whip you round my head... the ccccentrifugal force should sssend us both flying out onto the field of play again...”

Mdzzk ignored him.

To his horror Ssstanley realised he had been taking to Mdzzk’s shed skin! Oh well- needs must; he grasped hold of the abandoned skin and used it as a float as he wriggled back towards solid sand. Would it be creepy to keep some of it?

Edit to bold roll
B roll again

Posted: **Sun May 24, 2020 5:32 pm**

Frost, Spectating

"Hurry up, Tiam! We're going to be late!" Frost admonished the serpent as he tried to rush it out of his apartments. The snake made something like a lazy grin and continued to move as slowly as it could. Frost threw his hands up in exasperation. "Come on you slithery, conniving beast!" You're going to be late for your debut! Is that what you want?"

If Frost didn't know any better, he could have sworn that the snake nodded. It flicked it tongue defiantly at him. "I should have left you in the jungle," he muttered. "Jormungand would never have needed to be carried the way you do. You're such a drama queen! I don't care that they told me your the reincarnation of some dragon or other."

They stared at each other for a moment, Númenorean and lava snake. "Fine," he said, finally giving up. "I'll carry you this once but you had better win this match." He hefted the snake in his arms and raced off to the arena.

"I knew it!" he shouted as the bell sounded the races beginning. He was still three blocks away. "You did this on purpose didn't you?" Tiam seemed pleased with herself. "Bloody snek."

Grumpily, Frost eased his way into the arena, taking a seat near a Dwarf. He tossed Tiam into the spot next him and pointedly stared at the arena. "Do they still take bets here?"

Posted: **Mon May 25, 2020 6:41 pm**

Gorfank, with Slizzer

Gorfank watched with horror as Slizzer promptly slithered across a trial of slime and began to have something that resembled a fit. "Curse you snake!" he shouted. "Don't you have eyes!" He had the worst luck - starting late and his snake promptly going crazy.

Slizzer
The world suddenly became a flame of colours and Slizzer no longer knew what way was straight. His long, sleek body began to jerk like crazy and had no control over which direction he went. For what felt like hours his body jerked and flipped and a rainbow of colours danced before his eyes. And then it all stopped and he found himself on his back with Gorfank standing over him shouting something about being a stupid snake. Somehow he got turned back on to his belly and began to slither in (hopefully) the right direction.

B roll please[/color]

Posted: **Mon May 25, 2020 9:44 pm**

[b]Aelflaed watched Loroth[/b] slither off and turned back to the spectator stands to find a place to watch, yelling half-formed 'encouragements' as she went. Something made her look back though, and once again she could not see Loroth where she expected to see her, heading towards the finish line. Scanning the area she finally found the dratted snake scurrying off in the wrong direction. "Noooooo!" she cried and ran back to the arena. She thought to herself that she was doing more racing than the blasted snake, and perhaps she should have entered herself as the participant instead of buying a useless snake off a shady character in a pub.

Seizing the snake firmly, much to Loroth's disgruntlement, she turned the racer around and faced her in the right direction. Then she knelt down so her head was level with Loroth's - "There" she said angrily, and pointed. "There is the finish line. All you have to do is slither towards it, preferably faster than all the other snakes. Then I don't care what you do, if you want to slither off and live with a hobbit, that's all the same to me, but just get to that finish line, OK." Straightening, she dusted herself off and paced back to the stands.

A roll please

Posted: **Tue May 26, 2020 8:23 am**

"Do they still take bets here? Do they still take bets here??" Bagnronk said incredulously to the newcomer (Frost) who had just posted up next to the other spectator (Picaroon), who was doing a mighty job of heckling. "Of course we do! That's the whole point, isn't it? Who ya want bet on? How much? I got odds for everyone and coin to back it up." The goblin bookie jingled his coin pouch and grinned toothily at the spectators, ignoring the wails from the trainers at their snakes' latest mishaps.

ROLL RESULTS

Nerwen, with Phoebe - B Roll - 11 - Your luck is just awful. As you turn around to start heading the right way, you manage to slither straight into a pool of volcanic acid. Better hurry up and RP your way out before you dissolve! Then roll again.

Aelfaed, with Loroth - A Roll - 6 - Move forward!

Aghbagh, with Windy - no roll

Glasha, with Zorp - B Roll - 3 - Your speedy surge has led you into trouble, as you manage to slither right into a tar pit. Figure that one out, and make your next roll.

Bob the Troll, with Tom Willbert - no roll

Garbanzo Beangurtz, with Little Gairie - no roll

Sssstanley, with himself - B Roll - 15 - After a valiant effort at both tar pit extrication and flirting, you get started on your way... only to be stepped on by a snaga that wandered on the race course. Whoops.

Azshla, with Mdzzk - B Roll - 12 - Move forward!

Gorfank, with Slizzer - B Roll - 3 - It was hopefully the right direction... but your hope was misplaced. You manage to slither straight into a tar pit. Figure that one out, and make your next roll.

STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 3
1st - Mdzzk
2nd - Zorp
3rd - Ssstanley
4th - Loroth
Tied for 5th - Windy, Little Gairie, Slizzer
Tied for 6th - Tom Willbert, Phoebe

Next update in ~48 hours!

You may still join, RP coming to the starting line late and make your first roll. You will have less turns than everyone else and may have to take more risks to succeed...

Posted: **Tue May 26, 2020 8:45 am**

Azshla w/Mdzzk

Mdzzkwasn’t quite sure where the handsome snake behind her, Stanley had disappeared to this time. She was a bit miffed as she had been interested in flirting with him. Oh well, if he couldn’t keep up, maybe it was a sign from the Dark Lord that it wasn’t meant to be. In any case, she was simply slithering through the Sandy course. Of course her scarlet scaly hide was ahead of the pack. She sniffed haughtily as she shot through an S curve in the course. There was still a good deal of the race left, however, she reminded herself, trying to put aside her natural cockiness in favor of the less valuable but sometimes useful grit and determination. One red beady eye glanced back at Azshla, her trainer, who also provided her with luxury and all the critters she felt like eating in a day. Of course those wonderful living conditions depended on a speedy finish. After all, even a snake as gorgeous as she was had to earn her keep somehow and she didn’t relish going back to being stuck in a basket until some Haradhrim picked up a flute and started playing to see if she dance. Azshla had rescued her from the hideousness and the lava snake owed her.

Posted: **Tue May 26, 2020 7:29 pm**

Frost, with Tiam

Hang it all! Frost couldn't stand this charade anymore! The snakes and their owners were barely milling about the starting line. Only a few of them had actually gotten moving. How far the great sport of Lava Snake Racing had fallen! Who was the new commish? Frost was going to have words with the man (or woman, or orc.. or other) and give them a what for. He looked for a moment at the goblin who came scrambling up to him with words about betting. Frost only paid partial attention. "A hundred gold, on Tiam here."

For now though, he was going to enter this race, rules be damned. This was Mordor after all and rules here were meant to be flaunted. He picked Tiam up off her seat, dodged an angry bite from the giant serpent, and wrapped her around his head. "I can't watch this nonsense anymore. We still have a chance. You're debut doesn't have to be so spoiled." Tiam hissed something unintelligible but seemed game.

"We just gave these fools a head start is all."

He hopped down to the starting line and Tiam slid from his shoulder to the ground.

B Rolll, por favor!

Posted: **Tue May 26, 2020 11:59 pm**

Glasha with Zorp

Just when Glasha was thinking twice about throwing Gazorpazorp into a bottomless tar pit...he fell into a bottomless tar pit. Glasha groaned. Unbelievable. It was hard to keep track of him since he was black and matched the tar. She strained to see him flipping onto his back and using his tail for a rudder to begin to go to the side of the pit. Glasha felt a little better about things when another snake, Gorfank, also managed to find his way into the same pit. "Ha!" Glasha crowed, glad she wasn't the only trainer who was going to be at risk of losing their jobs or lives. Or both most likely. Maybe she should bet more heavily on someone else's snake. Zorp managed to make his way to the side of the tar pit, bite a low hanging branch near the side of the bank, and drag himself out of the pit, still covered in tar. He left tar prints behind as he headed back to the course.

B Roll Please!

Posted: **Thu May 28, 2020 12:08 am**

Gorfank, with Slizzer

The hallucinogenic having worn off, Slizzer headed off in a direction, but unfortunately, it was not the right direction. He promptly found himself in the middle of a tar pit. You little shire-face!" shouted Gorank, wondering what on earth would happen if the damn snake continued to get caught in virtually every sort of trap imaginable. "Get back to the race!"

Slizzer, being a good minion snake, somehow managed to get himself close to the other snake in the tar pit, Zorp, and bite onto his tail as he bit a branch to pull himself out of the tar pit. Riding on Zorp's tail, Slizzer too found his way out of the tar pit and headed back for the course.

B Roll Please!

Posted: **Thu May 28, 2020 12:58 am**

Regdush with Blinky

Late, as usual. That was how Regdush operated. He lumbered up to the starting line and roared at the announcer (Bagronk), "Oi! You! Me an' Blinky here want to enter this here race." He reached into his pocket and tossed his fiery red lava snake onto the ground just past the starting line, because he wouldn't follow all the rules. Blinky never actually blinked, so the name was a bit mysterious and random - but then again, that was how Regdush was, too. Random and mysterious. Blinky's tongue flitted out of his mouth with a hisssss of steam.

B roll, please!

Posted: **Thu May 28, 2020 6:57 am**

Ssstanley by himssself

Ssstanley sssighed a little wissstfully as Mdzzk whipped off into the middle dissstance, displaying a truly impressive turn of speed. A true racing snake with sleek powerful muscles and a good sense of direction. Everyone else was eating her dust. “It would be my honour and pleasssure to eat your dussst”, he was rehearsing in his head, contemplating where he might find a fedora to tip, when OUCH: Sssomebody had ssstepped on him! Alas, in Ssstanley’s wistful daydreaming he had sstrayed into the path of a ssspectator. Furiously, Ssstanley darted his head back to sink his sharp fangs into the offending snaga’s foot. Satisfactorily revenged, he sulked off again onto the track.

B roll

Posted: **Thu May 28, 2020 9:40 pm**

Aelflaed sat down again with a hurumph, and almost dreaded trying to find her racer in the arena. She started half-heartedly scanning the area and watching the other snakes at their various antics - maybe Loroth wasn't so bad, judging by the efforts of these others! Lazily staring at the point she had left Loroth it took her a few moments to realise that Loroth wasn't actually there. "Not again!" she said angrily, rising to go and get the snake out of another scrape, but then realised that the reason she couldn't see the snake was because she had actually progressed around the course...and in the right direction. She sat down again. "Oh thank goodness, not that there is any in this place" she muttered, but began to relax. Maybe lava snake racing wasn't so bad after all.

B roll please

Posted: **Fri May 29, 2020 6:33 am**

ROLL RESULTS

Nerwen, with Phoebe - no roll

Aelfaed, with Loroth - B Roll - 8 - Move forward!

Aghbagh, with Windy - no roll

Glasha, with Zorp - B Roll - 2 - Being covered in tar doesn't stop you from slithering a little too vigorously and running snout first into a boulder. RP your injury and reaction before getting around the boulder and making your next roll.

Bob the Troll, with Tom Willbert - no roll

Garbanzo Beangurtz, with Little Gairie - no roll

Sssstanley, with himself - B Roll - 3 - Your sulking has gotten you nowhere. Except straight into another tar pit.

Azshla, with Mdzzk - You did not specify a roll in your post and have been randomly assigned a B roll by the grace of Bagronk - 7 - Your trainer has managed to direct you into slithering the wrong way! Get your shire together and make your next roll.

Gorfank, with Slizzer - B Roll - 10 - move forward!

Frost, with Tiam - B Roll - 1 - Better late than never! Unfortunately, there was a buzzard lurking overhead waiting for stragglers. You are carried off to be the buzzard's lunch! RP your escape and make your next roll.

Regdush, with Blinky - B Roll - 19 - You take of slithering and immediately cross the slime trail of a poisoned slug, causing fits and hallucinations. RP your recovery and make your next roll!

STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 4
1st - Mdzzk
2nd - Zorp
3rd - Loroth
4th - Slizzer
5th - Ssstanley
Tied for 6th - Windy, Little Gairie, Tiam, Blinky
Tied for 7th - Tom Willbert, Phoebe

Next update in ~48 hours!

You may still join, RP coming to the starting line late and make your first roll.
You will have less turns than everyone else and may have to take more risks to succeed...

Posted: **Fri May 29, 2020 9:27 am**

Nerwen, with Phoebe

Nerwen was considering a new career. Her Lava Snake luck was clearly just awful! As Phoebe had started heading the right way, the snake managed to slither straight into a pool of volcanic acid. A great, hissing plume of flames eschewed and the smell of burning snake skin wafted across the crowd. The dwarfette reached in her robe pulled out a small flask to toast to the life of her lava snake, when, suddenly with a pop and a hiss, Phoebe thrashed her way across the pool and out the other side. Clearly there was some affinity between lava snakes and volcanic acid as Phoebe shook off her peeling skin and miraculously seemed a little review. "Let's try that again!" Nerwen yelled, tipping back the flask anyway.

B roll

Posted: **Fri May 29, 2020 4:36 pm**

Glasha with Zorp

As Zorp made his way out of the tar pit, another snake bit his tail and hitched a ride out of the tar pit. Glasha looked around for Gorfank, Slizzer's trainer. "Your snake is cheating!" she yelled accusingly. She wondered if it would be a bad thing to start a fight in the middle of the race, or if she should wait til the race was over.

There were very few ways Gazorpazorp could have been a less effective racer. Just a minute after extracting himself from the tar pit, he immediately went head first into a boulder. His nose had already been a little smashed looking, but it now progressed into a smooshed nose. Glasha curled her hands into fists and jumped up and down angrily. Why couldn't she, just once, have a successful racer? Zorp looked a little dazed, and was slithering around in a circle. He probably had a concussion. "Slither the other way!!" Glasha screamed, jumping up and down again. Zorp kept going around in circles, and Glasha threw her clipboard down in disgust. Zorp finally seemed to figure out he was going the wrong way, and managed to get around the boulder, a trail of tar still following him.

Edit: B Roll please!

Posted: **Fri May 29, 2020 7:21 pm**

Frost, with Tiam

Frost could only watch in horror as Tiam was lifted bodily away from the arena by... by a buzzard? While he watched in utter confusion, though, Tiam coiled around herself and launched her head at the buzzard's neck. sinking her prodigious fangs into the carrion eater's exposed neck. It screeched like the damned by did not lose her from it's talons. She launched herself again, biting hard into the skinny thing's flapping wing and went limp. It was enough to drag the buzzard back toward the earth. It squawked raucously and dropped the angry lava serpent back on the track. She took another bite, this more out of spite than of actual use, and tore out a mouthful of feathers. She dropped them refocused her attention on the arena. The bloodlust was in her eye and she was ready to eat some of the other serpents if necessary to win this thing.

B Roll, por favor

Posted: **Fri May 29, 2020 10:55 pm**

Regdush with Blinky

Blinky sped forward, his scaly form wiggling across the hard, scorched earth. "That's right, get going, you!" Regdush shouted, tossing a few rocks after Blinky to give him some extra motivation. The lava snake sped resentfully forward, regretting very much the day that he had slithered into Regdush's life and companionship. Reg stalked along the race course to ensure Blinky didn't get too far off track.

The snake suddenly felt something sticky underneath him. A "Ssssssssssss" of pain escaped his mouth as the poison burned his underside. He slithered haphazardly away from the slime. His movements became more and more erratic as he progressed. As he flopped about, Blinky thought he saw the world turning pink.

"Oi! Blinky! What in the blazin' fires of Mount Doom do you think you're doing, eh?" Regdush had caught up with his desperately flailing snake. Blinky, in the throes of the poison, saw not his annoying companion, but a tasty morsel of rotting meat. The lava snake bared his fangs. Reg noticed the trail of slime and knew what must have happened. "You dumb ugly fool! You've been poisoned!" Reg reached into his bag and pulled out a skin containing some muddy water and emptied it over the snake. A cloud of steam rose from Blinky's body. The water would wash away the poison.

But Blinky was still eyeing Regdush with aggressive hunger. Reg knew that he could turn this to their advantage. "Alright you stinkin' creature! You want to take a bite out of this?" Reg stuck out his leg tantalizingly, then started to run along the race course. "Come and get me!" Blinky took off after him at great speed, the world turning less and less pink with each passing minute.

Another B roll, please.

Posted: **Sat May 30, 2020 4:30 am**

Gorfank, with Slizzer

Gorfank side in relief as Slizzer finally seemed dash off in the right direction and actually managed to pass by a few other snakes. "Good riddance," Gorfank muttered. "You're not an absolute piece of shire after all. Gorfank looked around at the other contestants. Apparently nearly everyone else was having trouble this time around. "Maybe Slizzer can actually catch up and win something for once."

Meanwhile, Slizzer was quite happy to find himself actually on course for once. He wriggled his way along the race, passing a handful of other lava snakes. "Eat my dust!" he cried as he passed Ssstanley.

B roll please!

Posted: **Sat May 30, 2020 7:36 pm**

Ssstanley the Sssolitary

Hissss life wasss jussst an endlesss tragedy, Ssstanley bewailed, as he gazed hopelessly into the middle distance - both for dramatic effect and because that was where the clouds of dust representing the more fortunate lava snakes were. He had never been the favourite egg. Alwaysss picked lassst for teamsss in sssschool. Nobody underssstood him. He had a horrible sinking feeling in his chest. And his tail. And his head...

...

...because he was in another tar pit.

“Oh, another sssslough of dessspond,” Ssstanley hissed pathetically, letting go of any resistance and letting himself go limp so as to end his torment sooner.

Funnily enough this only spread out his center of gravity enough that he stopped sinking further. Ssstanley craned his neck round in surprise - and the resultant muscular spasm catapulted him right back onto the track.

B roll again

Posted: **Sat May 30, 2020 9:58 pm**

Aelflaed could not believe her eyes as Loroth continued to whizz around the track, lapping two other snakes to take third place. "This can't be right, my luck never holds for this long" she muttered to herself, on the edge of her seat as she watched the snakes go. She almost held her breath to see what would happen next. It was certain that something would go wrong, but she couldn't work out where the pitfall was.

B roll please

Posted: **Sun May 31, 2020 2:29 pm**

Azshla w/Mdzzk

Azshla winced as she realized just how distracted from the race she had been. She only noticed now, because she had first forgotten to given her lava snake a direction and now had sent her careening in the wrong direction altogether. That would have annoyed the viper and after the race was over, the trainer was going to hear about it. Maybe she find a nice juicy dinner and a snake masseur to help take the edge off her annoyance. Grimacing, the daughter of the Harad called out to her snake. "NO! That's the wrong way! To your left!" She tried not to take too much of the blame, although she was in fact to be blamed. There was a good chance they would lose their lead now.

Mdzzk hissed angrily as her trainer screamed that she was going the wrong way. Well if Azshla had been paying attention and not trying to seduce her victims with her belly dancing (her trainer was quite lethal as an assassin but also quite the seductress), perhaps she wouldn't be spending all this extra effort back-tracking and rejoining her fellow racers who had surely caught up with or passed her by now. The one good note was that perhaps she'd have a chance to flirt some more with the handsome Stanley wherever he had disappeared to in the race. Perhaps going off course wouldn't be too much of a disaster after all.

B Roll, please! (and thank you for the previous B Roll!)

Posted: **Mon Jun 01, 2020 9:06 am**

ROLL RESULTS

Nerwen, with Phoebe - B Roll - 15 - Fresh skin or not, your luck is still bad. You have been stepped on by a passing snag! Deal with that setback, then make your next roll.

Aelfaed, with Loroth - B Roll - 7 - Your pessimism is quite correct. Overburdened by success, your trainer tells you to slither the wrong way! Get back on track and make your next roll.

Aghbagh, with Windy - no roll

Glasha, with Zorp - B Roll - 3 - Much like Stanley, your luck is terrible again. Straight into another tar pit.

Bob the Troll, with Tom Willbert - no roll

Garbanzo Beangurtz, with Little Gairie - no roll

Sssstanley, with himself - B Roll - 2 - Your catapult was overzealous, and has launched you snout first into a boulder! Deal with your injury and make your next roll.

Azshla, with Mdzzk - B Roll - 4 - Your optimism is misplaced. Wild pigs live in the desert, and your path on the racecourse has been invaded by an extremely angry piglet! Fight it off, then make your next roll.

Gorfank, with Slizzer - B Roll - 10 - Move forward!

Frost, with Tiam - B Roll - 14 - Move forward!

Regdush, with Blinky - B Roll - 13 - Your speed has attracted the eye of a circling buzzard, which immediately swoops down and carries you off for lunch. Figure that one out, and make your next roll.

STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 5
1st - Mdzzk
2nd - Slizzer
3rd - Zorp
Tied for 4th - Loroth, Tiam
5th - Ssstanley
Tied for 6th - Windy, Little Gairie, Blinky
Tied for 7th - Tom Willbert, Phoebe

Next update in ~48 hours!

With only two rounds remaining, entries are CLOSED. It's still anyone's game, just not yours if you haven't gotten in yet.

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