Gnarv's Gnu Plaza (OOME Pub)

[Thalionwen Hunigfolm]

Here in the Void, the howling wasteland beyond Kingdoms, you, a weary traveler, arrive at a ramshackle establishment.

"GNARV'S GNU PLAZA PUB" reads the sign above the door. "NOT AFFILIATED WITH THE RESTAURANT AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE."

Stepping inside, you find a seedy, dimly-lit establishment, filled with an assortment of odd-looking individuals. These are the Plazarians, divested of their IC robes. They sit, listlessly cupping drinks, or tossing peanut shells at one another with frantic looks upon their faces ("ALL PEANUTS AT GNARV'S GNU PLAZA PUB CERTIFIED ALLERGEN-FREE" a disclaimer above the bar informs you.)

Behind the bar is the redoubtable Gnarv the Gnu himself, ready to serve you with dexterous cloven hooves.

Come on in. Have a seat. Have a drink. Stare into the placid eyes of Gnarv the Gnu.

You're home.

(Godmoding of Gnarv the Gnu is not only encouraged, it is required, I am NOT hanging out here to play a bovine bartender, that is on YOU)

[Rivvy Elf]

*attempts to bribe him with Mississippi Mud Pie*

[Thalionwen Hunigfolm]

*Gnarv the Gnu resists all attempts at bribery, as he is an honest and upright quadruped, and kicks the Mississippi Mud Pie into Rivvy's face*

GOSH DARN IT, I SAID I WASN'T GOING TO DO THIS

[Silky Gooseness]

IS THERE a SECURITY COW? Summon @Tarawen

[Thalionwen Hunigfolm]

@Sil, you have activated THE SECURITY COW. Udders swaying, she emerges from her booth, looking put out to have to do something other than watch Schitt's Creek reruns in peace.

"Does there seem to be a problem here, little biped?" the security cow moos. She winks at GNARV THE GNU, who seems flustered by the attention, and knocks over several glasses which shatter on the floor.

[Zôrzimril]

The security cow, sensing no trouble in the grimy pub (other than lots of glass on the floor, in which she had definitely played no part), retreated to rewatch the "A Little Bit Alexis" scene for the twelfth time tonight. She only wished she was that graceful.

[Burnt Toast]

Schitt's Creek suddenly becomes sentient and begins flirting with the SECURITY COW

[Thalionwen Hunigfolm]

"Oh Johnny Rose! I had no idea you felt that way about me!" the Security Cow bellows in consternation. "And you a married man! What would Moira say???"

In her distress, Security Cow backs away from her small television set and accidentally knocks over the rickety walls of her booth, destroying several tables in the process.

[The Good Hunter]

Oh what fresh hell is this? I'm back in West Texas amongst the feed lots again

[Zôrzimril]

The Security Cow's tail whipped the Snowman across the face as she scrambled about in a panic at the mess she'd made (and, let's face it, because she'd embarrassed herself in front of Mutt Schitt). "I'm so sorry, dear! I know I'm meant to protect the pub, not destroy it, but I'm just not having much luck today!"

[Burnt Toast]

"The SeCurITy cOW is on trial for pub damage!" declared the floating eyeball, who nobody had invited in the first place.

[Zôrzimril]

A chubby blue bird swooped in and began to peck at the floating eyeball. "You won't toast me!!!" it shrieked. "Leave my best friend the security cow alone!!!"

[Pallador]

*Leggy T. Elf kanocked his bow one, two, three times in rapid succession, vainly attempting to shoot down that annoying squawking bird. Even though it was actually more than just chubby, alas, he was unsuccessful and the bird continued it’s irritating clamor.*

[Burnt Toast]

The floating eyeball was annoyed at the leggy elf. "leave that bird alone!" he thundered, then rolled around in circles for no apparent reason.

[Zôrzimril]

The chubby bird was NOT amused when a stringy elf fired arrows at him. He gave a great "AIIEEEEEEEK!" and a chubby bird turd tumbled through the air toward the elf...

[Burnt Toast]

The floating eyeball knew this couldn't end well
He toasted some turds, in the hopes that it would help

He offered one to the leggy elf. "here's a toasted turd for you." he mumbled, which was impressive, since he didn't actually have a mouth

[Pallador]

Leggy T. Elf paused and thought about the snack he was being offered. While he appreciated the gift, toasted bird turds weren’t part of his diet. He was a vegan for Eru’s sake! Besides, accepting gifts from floating eyeballs seemed risky, and his mum had warned him about floating eyeballs. He politely declined.

[Burnt Toast]

The leggy one declined the toasted turds, which was a shame. But the floating eyeball was used to not being trusted.
That's what came of bearing an unfortunate resemblance to the big scary eyeball wot floated up in that minion filled place.

He floated away to talk to the seCuRItY Kuh

[Zôrzimril]

“Ew what do you want?” Shrieked the cow when a great flaming eyeball approached.

[Burnt Toast]

The eyeball cringed back.
The cow was so rude.
"I thank you not for your attiTUDE!" he screamed. "where does anyone get a DRINK in this supposed PUB?" for some reason, he could no longer prevent himself from CAPS SHOUTING some of his WORDS.