The Hobbit INSANITY: A Somewhat Expected Quest

[Fairy Nuff]

Peachleaf, playing Thorin

From a well of tears so deep even Peachleaf becomes convinced she must be soaking up the last of the Nurnen water with her roots to keep the supply going, the battered ent weeps and sobs until the ash covering her fingers is turned into a grey paste, which she unobtrusively wipes onto the cardboard cut out of Durin's Bane. As she does so she sees a glint in the direction of the audience, and moving closer by the second. Quicker than an ent can say entwash, the bottle slams into the cardboard cut out with a loud "Thwock", and Peachleaf watches through her fingers as the sodden cardboard cumples. Feeling partly responsible for the demise of the cardboard cut out, due to several instances of, mostly accidental, mistreatment, she utters a single word. "Oh". It would have been two words but there is a family friendly filter on.

Suddenly Peachleaf's attention is drawn from the soggy pile of cardboard to Stage Hand #7 who is somehow now at the front of the stage, hogging her limelight, and yelling stuff. Just as she is about to position herself in a favourable position for capturing the attention of the audience herself, she hears some parts of the impassioned speech and realises that he has some good points. She tunes in to hear "DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING MOMENT TO MOMENT IN THIS SO-CALLED PERFORMANCE ("not me" she thinks sadly)? SETTING FIRE TO STUFF ("not me!", she thinks indignantly), STEALING ACTUAL LIMBS FROM OTHER ACTORS ("From me!" she thinks angrily). SNEAKING OFF INTO THE AUDIENCE FOR A SNOOZE ("not me" she thinks incredulously). WHATEVER THE HELL THAT WIZARD THINKS HE'S DOING ("....pass". DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE ("not me" she thinks, ashamed)??? NO ("I thought no already didn't I" she thinks furiously)???"

In all though, despite the build up that gave the impression of starting something Very Interesting, Stage Hand #7 finishes the speech with a rather lame sit down protest. Peachleaf sighed. She has, by now, spent most of the performance either lying or sitting on the stage, and doesn't really want to be typecast in the next performance as an actual tree, so it is time for action. She steps forward to the front of the stage, stepping over Stage Hand #7, and raises a fist into the air. "No more improv!" she roars "Stand with me fellow actors and misled audience members - bring an end to improv now! Let us forever more enjoy the script as the playwright intended it - NO MORE IMPROV!" Who knows, maybe she will become famous in the theatre world after all?

[Thalionwen Hunigfolm]

Thalionwen, The Goblin King/Erstwhile Audience Member

It seemed that after several acts of madness, the participants in this ill-fated production were staging a mutiny. Thali sat near the ruins of Cardboard Durin's Bane and listened to Stagehand #7's lecture regarding sense and order. No sooner had he finished than the highly-emotional ent, Peachleaf, took up his passionate rallying cry.

DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING MOMENT TO MOMENT IN THIS SO-CALLED PERFORMANCE? Well no, but to be entirely honest Thalionwen had no idea what she was doing moment by moment outside this performance, either.

SETTING FIRE TO STUFF? That wasn't fair. Thali hadn't set any fires--she'd been set on fire herself. Admittedly, she was also in the middle of the process of burning her own life down, but that was more a metaphor than anything else. She hadn't expected to jump on this stage and end up in genuine flames.

STEALING ACTUAL LIMBS FROM OTHER ACTORS? Again, Thalionwen felt sure she was on the side of justice. She only stole limbs from dead people, and they didn't need them anymore at that point.

SNEAKING OFF INTO THE AUDIENCE FOR A SNOOZE? That did sound fairly tempting, but Thali had always claimed she'd sleep when she was dead, and as she'd only just come back from death, it didn't seem like the right time for a nap.

WHATEVER THE HELL THAT WIZARD THINKS HE'S DOING? Well now THAT was an excellent point. What was the wizard doing? Hadn't...hadn't he been the one to kill Thali??? Wasn't he the reason her beloved Schroedinger's Orco was now being carted off by a giant spider, possibly alive and possibly dead or maybe both at once? And there Dain was, still racing around the stage, terrorizing stagehands and actors alike with murder in his eyes.

NO MORE IMPROV! Peachleaf bellowed, and Thali wholeheartedly agreed. Drawing herself up, she was relieved that while she'd been covered in unsightly spider-silk her ludicrous tight pants were still intact. It was hard to join--or railroad, as the case would probably be--a revolution when your pants were split. Striding to Peachleaf's side, Thalionwen raised a fist in the air, too.

"NO MORE IMPROV!" she shouted. "ONLY--VENGEANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And pivoting, she launched herself once more with feeling at Dain the Dwarf-Wizard, bent on ending his murderous reign or dying (again) in the attempt.

[DEATH]

It's all just noise.

The shouting, the wailing, the hollering. And that was just the voices INSIDE his head. The cacophony outside was too much to handle, and so he rocked. Back. Forth. Repeat.

But then, a voice. A single voice, cutting through all the noise.

"NO MORE IMPROV!"

It wasn't his cry but somehow, it made sense. Improv. All of this could have been avoided if only there had been a script. And why hadn't there been? He was working for Orco del Oro, famed for his productions throughout the land. Surely there had been a script.

But had there? "Opportunity of a lifetime," they had said. "It's your foot in the door to a HollinWood career." Promises upon promises. "Of course! He's one of the best directors in the land!" It had seemed almost to good to be true. Almost. "This is your shot at the Big Time." Too. "Chances like this don't come along every day." Good. "You'll regret it if you don't take this chance." TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!!!

He had never seen a script. It all started to fall into place. The fires, the floods. The mayhem and ... DAIN OAKENSHIELD??? Oh no. This wasn't Theee-ater. This was a garbled mess of improv, masquerading as a real show! And Stage Hand #7 snapped back into reality with a disturbingly loud 'CRACK!'

The Ent, Peachleaf had started it. A rallying cry for the disenfranchised, the broken and downtrodden. It had been taken up by Thalionwen, erstwhile wife of the now perhaps charred, perhaps miraculously surviving director Orco del Oro, curse his name. The echoes of their calls ricocheted back and forth.

no more improv

No More Improv

"NO MORE IMPROV!"

"NO. MORE. IMPROV!"

"DEATH TO IMPROV! DEATH TO ALL WHO EMBRACE IMPROV! DEATH TO THE SPIRIT OF IMPROV! DEATH TO HOME IMPROV! DEATH TO HOME IMPROVEMENT! DEATH TO TIM ALLEN AND ALL HIS STUPID MACHO JOKES! DEATH TO CARMEN FINESTRA AND DAVID MCFADZEAN AND MATT WILL ... OH, BUGGRIT."

He was off script. Well into improvisational territory. Railing against the very thing he was doing himself, right in the minute, smack bang in the now. He was guilty of the very same thing that had driven him mad in the first place.

"no .... more ... improv..."

Stage Hand #7 stiffens and begins to fall, backwards. Synapses firing wildly, some afterwards would say they saw actual sparks shooting out of his head. Those folks were lying, obviously but it was unsurprising that some few would try to gain advantage from this 'unusual' situation. Whatever the physical reality of the moment, all that can be proved is that Stage Hand #7 fell backwards, unconscious, and those who attended later found him staring, empty-eyed, at the ceiling. Side by side with his Cardboard Cutout of Durin's Bane who was also flat on the floor staring upward.

Being cardboard.

[Dimcairien Luiniel]

Dimcairien, an elf, playing Balin

"When would this bloody show be over?" Dimcairien groaned. The already falling apart Durin's Bane fell apart even more as a bottle smashed into it. She overheard the director shouting things about how it wasn't a performance, that things were set on fire (Dimcairien grinned, she was so proud of that accomplishment. It wasn't every day you could set fire to a stage.), amputation and decapitation of actors (did an Ent losing a branch count as amputation?), and whatever the bloody hell the wizard was doing with what appeared to be a flamethrower.

Her thoughts were suddenly broken by Bilbo, who somehow was still alive and nowhere near as wet as the rest of the cast. Bilbo looked over at her and, while fingering a pocket handkerchief asked, “But the pale orc? What happened to him?”

Dimcairien had absolutely no idea how to respond. Her script was sodden, blurring out the final lines. "He disappeared," she said, "vanished into the unknown."

Before she could think of something else to say, several of the actors (including the audience member turned into an actor) began to chant "No more improv!" and growing louder and louder as they did so.

"Yes, more improv!" she shouted, "YES MORE IMPROV!"

Swinging around to face Bilbo, she continued her answer, in the most improv way possible, "And the pale orc lived a long time in the shadows of the snowy mountains. Legend tells us that ever so often in the middle of the winter, you will hear the growls and curses of the abominable snowman. Beware them, unless you would like to become the snow-orc's dinner."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw The Goblin King launch herself at Dain and decided to join in the chaos as she still firmly believed that Balin should have been the one to win the Oakenshield and all the glory that came with it.

[Lirimaer]

Goblin cleaning crew

The goblin cleaner tasked to the front of the auditorium was given two tasks: Clean Up and Don't Get In The Way Of The Audience Enjoying The Show.

What with the endless amount of bujukasi thrown by these parkoshug njosharim, the stage was a pakon torr of korut muk. The stalls weren't much better, with the pam and other kjani tossed all over the place, a pile of filth and clothes, and oh -

On the floor was a girl in a headscarf, asleep. The cleaner nudged the girl with her foot. There was no movement. The cleaner nudged a bit harder, and eh, no one slept through that. Was it pau? The goblin sniffed suspiciously at the cup on the floor.

Shushatus? It seemed a little extreme, but this was Mordor. The cleaner wondered if tidying up the detritus around the girl was part of 'Don't Get In The Way Of The Audience Enjoying The Show' because leaving her there was certainly not part of 'Clean Up'. It seemed the cleaner was going to get into trouble whatever, because of this troublesome girl. The cleaner didn't want to get in the way of a murder either, so something had to be done.

In the end, the cleaner dragged her to the end of the row, hoisted her onto the cleaning cart like a sack of potatoes, and took her backstage.

There it dumped her by the old back exit, (only to be used in case of Sauron's displeasure). Any pagamarras seeking a quick kill could do so in relative privacy.

[KingODuckingham]

DAIN

The avatar, the vessel, the unstoppable machine marched onward, unerring toward his destination. His physical form looked different than before; one might have believed one saw Durin before the eyes, but with bronze eyes, and now a long fire-golden seam running down his chest, along the center of the ribs. His entire abdomen was practically invisible, it glowed so brightly. His clothing had browned and was now the color of the deep earth itself, and looked as though it were dripping dirt. His beard was even longer, and one could begin to make out a crown forming from what looked like lava on his brow, though he displayed no sign of pain.

Then Dwalin tossed a humbug in his path.

The stony dwarf crunched to a halt, looking down in mild confusion.

Ducky in DAIN

It felt as though the life force inside of him was being drained by some...OTHER. He was not only no longer in control of his body or its form, but he felt as though his mind were wasting away as well. He could barely muster consciousness anymore, the effort was so huge. So when the humbug came, he seized at a desperate chance.

"Please, I'm so hungry. I need the food." he pleaded.

"GODS HAVE NO NEED OF SUSTENANCE, WE ARE THE SUSTAINER." came the reply.

Ducky decided not to bother arguing further. Without warning through forethought, he summoned a titanic effort to wrest control of the body back from the OTHER. He grabbed the humbug and stuffed it in his mouth.

DAIN

EYYAAAAUUUUGHHHHHHH

The dwarf began to shine as he consumed the humbug. As he was being approached by hostiles on all sides, instead of attacking, he began to stretch and glow. At first it looked as though he were growing in power, as the light inside him (or was it?) began to shine more and more brightly, but then the golden lines along his body suddenly cracked, and light began to pour out in every direction, and as the gaps widened, his body eventually crashed back to earth, nothing more than light puddle and wizard robes. Anyone who approached saw no sign of any more physical form at all.

Ducky, no longer in DAIN

The hour of departure has arrived and we go our ways; I to die (?), and you to a curtain call. Which is better? Only Eru knows.

[Rivvy Elf]

Yohkneeton Sakhremhoni
Underboss of the Troll Preservation Society
Underground Backstage

"Orco! Can you hear me?" Yohkneeton Sakhremhoni said, concern showing in his eyes. A normal person would not believe that such a normal voice would occur from such a tall troll. Yohkneeton, otherwise known as Yohknee, was the Troll Preservation Society's Underboss. He'd been responsible for ensuring that Orco fulfilled his end of the bargain with the society in terms of money and creative content within the show. Among such ideas from the Troll Preservation Society was having Thorin mutilate Azog instead of Dain killing him, and the inclusion of a dwarf-elf romance with one of the dwarf twins and a created elf character named Tauriel

Not only did the script go haywire, causing Dain to mutilate Azog, but the actor-meant-to-play Tauriel was somehow killed in the crossfire! The Troll Preservation Society paid many sacks of gold to ensure her safe arrival and agreement to participate, and Yohkneeton headed to the backstage area to get some 'answers' on the botched deal so far. But now, he saw Orco, his friend, half-dead and wrapped in spider silk.

"Maybe this is the Dark Lord paying you back for this deal, Orco?" Yohkhnee continued, "You're paying for dinner when you wake up. But now that you're gone, it's time for the Preservation Society to take over."

And suddenly appeared 500 trolls, armored to the teeth with spiked bats, cold iron armor, shields, and other gear that would be best fit to halt this 'riot.'

"Time for the curtain call."

~~~

500 armored-to-the-teeth trolls suddenly began appearing on stage, coming from every entrance to the stage of the coliseum.

Some trolls immediately went to Stage Hand #7 saying, "IF YOU NO CALM NOW FOR CURT CALL. YOU WATCH HOME PROVE 5000 HOURS STRAIGHT. THEN YOU GET EAT, BITTY BITTY. SENT SLAUGHTHOUSE. NO MONEY, NO WORK, MAKE PARENTS ROLL GRAVE."

Many trolls went to Thalionwen, "YOU RESIST FOR CURT CALL. YOUR HUB AND DIE. YOU WANT HUB AND DIE? BIG MEAT. LOTTA BREEDIN' ORC WOMAN WANT CORP. ME KNOW NOT WHY. NOW YOU CURT CALL, NOW!"

Most of the trolls went to Peachleaf bearing torches, "YOU WANT FIRE. YOU WANT DIE? YOU CALM NOW FOR CURT CALL. OR WOOD FOR CLUB. OKAY? WE GIVE YOU RAISE FOR ACT, OKAY?"

One of the trolls politely went to Dimcairien, asking her politely, "Please stay for Curt Call. Here wine."

Initially a lot of trolls attempted to rush at Dain. Unfortunately quite a few turned to stone due to Dain's light show. Fortunately, many of the trolls were prepared, issuing forth giant parasols which blocked the light from reaching the rest of the trolls.

"YOU UNDER REST FOR MURDER. DO CURT CALL TO LOW JAIL TIME OR FACE 5000 YEAR FARMING IN NURN." the trolls said with their eyes closed to Ducky, not knowing that they were talking to just a pile of clothing.

The trolls told the rest of the living members to also do a curtain call, gently pointing them to center stage or carrying them to the center. Including a late-arriving troll hoisting Lirimaer to the center of the stage.

~~~

@Lúthien Tinúviel @Almarëa Mordollwen IT IS CURTAIN CALL TIME. AUDIENCE MEMBERS, YOU HAVE UP TO A WEEK TO THROW UP TO 100 OBJECTS AT ANY CAST MEMBER YOU WANT. That means you can throw 20 at one person, 20 at another, up to 100 objects. YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO DO THIS.



@Sil @Aerlinn @Moriel @Laintaen @Lirimaer @Oro @Landy @Dimcairien Luiniel : It is curtain call time. Head to the center and bow. Curtain call lasts for a week.

@KingODuckingham @Fairy Nuff @DEATH @Thalionwen: I had trolls interact with you. It's curtain call time. Ducky's a pile of clothes but the rest of you.... what shall ye do?

[Thalionwen Hunigfolm]

Thalionwen, The Goblin King Or Something

Sitting dazed in the pile of clothing left behind by a disapparating Dain, Thalionwen blinked up at the sudden army of trolls that had appeared. She'd warned Orco about getting involved with the Troll Preservation Society--they weren't very bright, but they were big and distinctly lacking a sense of humor and there were so many of them.

"Ew," she said softly, as one of the trolls looming over her mentioned the keen interest orc women had in corpses. "Is that why I sell so many bodies??? No one said."

But as the trolls boomed out their threats, she got wearily to her feet. "Oh alright, curtain call it is. I never expected to be in this wretched production anyway. I just came here to watch and things got out of hand. As they do."

And she shuffled forward to join the rest of the cast on stage.

[Silky Gooseness]

Silarien was lying backstage on what passed for a chaise longue (in fact, a collection of artfully arranged sacks), having her brow tenderly sponged by a goblin. Her arm was flung dramatically back behind her head. A shaft of light illumined her silver head.

The effect was somewhat spoiled by the following;

1) The goblin sponging her head isn’t using a sponge. Look closely. It’s actually a very small spider. Apparently, the legs have a “massaging” effect when used properly. Any minute now, Silarien is going to notice this, and there’s probably going to be a beautiful scream.

2) The arm she has flung out is sodden with the fleshy remnants of the Leg O’ Las, now enjoying its second (third? Presumably its first life was On a Las, and its second On A Lass: Silarien, in fact / as a most noble prop) life as a late luncheon for the backstage goblins

3) The shaft of light appears to be from an unnoticed stage fire, just missed by the Nurnen water, still smouldering merrily away,

4) The goblin has neglected to properly wet his “sponge”, and so the spider is doing its best with spittle. Alas, this is mostly silk, and thus the famous White Powder is being smeared into intricate, perhaps strangely beautiful streaks, on the Elf’s face.

But all of these considerations were put aside when Silarien heard the curtain call. HER PUBLIC NEEDED HER. SHE MUST ANSWER.

Languidly, she pushed the backstage goblin aside - smearing more gobbets of Leg across herself - and swaggered up to her feet.

A little more White Powder would steady her. It had certainly been A Day. Silarien flicked her hair (a Classic Elf move, which you may see repeated in more respectable theatrical roleplaying productions) and strode out back in front of the crowd to take her bows.

Or she would have, had she not noticed - that wasn’t a sponge at all, was it?

The tiny spider waved a leg at her. “Hellooooo,” it cheeped.

“AAAAAAAARGGHHHHHHHH”

[Lirimaer]

- former slave/Easterling shadow dancer (on the run) - audience and aspiring actor: THRAIN

She was having a sort-of dream, but it was a little weird. In it there was no story, but she couldn't move her arms and legs, and everything she did was slowed right down and telegraphed in advance. At one point she felt she was merely dragging herself across the floor, and after the effort of that, she must've been doing some sort of gymnastics, considering how upside-down she felt. After that, she surely must have been stuffed into a magician's closet, for she was folded up like a puppet and just left ...

It was some time after that that sound began to filter in, shouting and roaring, nagging and whinging too. It was beginning to sound more real, and she remembered the tea. She couldn't open her eyes, despite desperately wanting to as lumbering footsteps approached.

The heavy ungentle hand of a troll hoisted her into the air and then she knew where she was as the phrase curtain call made itself understood. That benighted production.

She fell then, as the troll dropped her in a crowd of folks, and landed in a heap of limbs, hopefully her own. If these blasted drugs'd wear off, she'd take a bow, but as it is ... she lay in a heap and waited.

[KingODuckingham]

Ducky, no longer as DAIN

The wizard fell. Not for a long time or anything, just for a second, then landed with a very soft thump. A cloud of dust flew up around him. He had to cover his mouth and nose quickly to prevent a fit of coughing. When he recovered, he tried to look around, but it was very dark. There was only the thinnest beams of light piercing down here and there. He looked up toward the source. It was hard to tell, but as his eyes adjusted, it appeared that what he was looking at was a hidden trap door in the stage floor, which his costume robes were now covering. He had fallen out of them when DAIN shook his body upon leaving, but Ducky was still possessed of his own robes, and more importantly, his own faculties again. That had been just terrifying.

"No more acting for me." he thought. "There's no telling what might happen. Heck, there's no telling what DID happen exactly." His memory of the last...?? however long? was very foggy already. Last he remembered, the OTHER had invited itself in. It had barely waited for a response. Whatever he could remember after that was unpleasant, and didn't bear thinking about again.

Now...how to get out? He could hear noise above, but could no longer reach it, and honestly it didn't sound promising up there anyway. Total chaos would be a better way of putting it. But perhaps this below-stage led somewhere.

Ducky wandered off in a random direction, and hit a wall.

He tried again and hit a shelf.

He tried a third time, and disappeared down a long passage.

"Adieu! Adieu! Parting is such sweet sorrow." he muttered to himself.

[Dimcairien Luiniel]

Dimcairien, an elf, playing Balin

The show was over … at last. Suddenly a large contingent of trolls arrived on the stage, seemingly very annoyed with Dain, who had put on some sort of a light show and completely disappeared into thin air. One of the trolls approached her and gave her a very large glass of wine, which Dimcairien drank rather too eagerly. Staggering a bit, she followed the other scraggly actors towards the centre of the stage for the curtain call. She stumbled towards the area where all the rest of the actors (who were not seriously maimed) were assembling. What would happen next she didn't know, but at least it seemed that this bit of the story was over.

[Almarëa Mordollwen]

Layna

It had all been utterly dreadful. From beginning to end. (Or, well, from the middle to the end, since she had technically only shown up about halfway through. She was relatively sure that the first half would have been just as chaotic as the second half.)

Fortunately, however, this was where the fun started. She hefted the basket of tomatoes and rotting oranges she had been saving. Time to put these to good use - as the first few performers began to step out for the curtain call, she took aim. One towards the audience member who had thrown themselves at the stage and suddenly ended up in the production (@Thalionwen) - that just wasn't the done thing. One towards an elf who was yelling about spiders (@Sil). She spared the actor who was dropped by a troll in a heap - that seemed punishment enough. One towards another staggering elf (@Dimcairien Luiniel) who seemed to have had a bit too much to drink.

Then she stood up and moved to the side of the auditorium, trying to get a glimpse into the wings. She wasn't sure that all of the people responsible for this chaos had made it to the stage yet, so she fired a half dozen tomatoes indiscriminately into the wings, hoping to catch some of the actors-in-hiding, cardboard set pieces, and stage hands responsible for the madness. Maybe even the director, if she got lucky ...

[Rivvy Elf]

CURTAIN CALL MINI GAME RESULTS:

Thalionwen: You were thrown a rotten orange by Layna (@Almarëa Mordollwen). A 1 was rolled, so the orange completely hit one of the security trolls on stage. The orange slides off the security troll's face with a squick.

Sil: You were thrown a rotten orange by Layna. A 2 was rolled. Luckily you had a saving roll of 3 because the Gamemaster is going to assume that your character does not remain stationary when she screams about a spider on her body. How ironic that this spider has saved you of this orange! The orange completely hits one of the security trolls on stage in the eye. The troll screams.

Dimcairien: You were thrown a rotten orange by Layna. A 2 was rolled. Unfortunately the alcohol dulls your reflexes so you had a saving roll of 1. You were hit by the rotten orange! -1 to your rotten tomato score.

6 rotten tomatoes are thrown indiscriminately on stage! I used a random number generator with a limit of 14, as there are 14 living actors still existing.

1 is thrown at Dimcairien! A 2 was rolled. You had a saving throw of 1. You are hit by the rotten tomato! -1 to your rotten tomato score

1 is thrown at Orco, the Director (Dwarrow Elf)! A 6 was rolled. CRITICAL HIT. @Almarëa Mordollwen has uncovered a hidden rule applying only to the GM. Because the GM was targeted and successfully hit, he loses 1000 tomato points.

1 is thrown at Lirimaer! A 2 was rolled. You had a saving throw of 1 because you're a sitting metaphorical duck. You were hit by the rotten tomato. -1 to your rotten tomato score.

1 is thrown at Sil's disposable goblin! A 3 was rolled. You had a saving throw of 1 unfortunately because your disposable goblin unfortunately was in the wings and was not aware of the rotten tomato that suddenly strikes the goblin! -1 to your rotten tomato score.

1 is thrown at Thalionwen! A 3 was rolled. You had a saving roll of 1 unfortunately. You were hit by the rotten tomato. -1 to your rotten tomato score.

1 is thrown at Bilbo (Dwarrow Elf)! A 5 was rolled. You had a saving roll of 1, nice job GM for not even showing the others how it is done in terms of posting a good defense. Because the GM was targeted and successfully hit, he loses 1000 tomato points.

~~~

Mordor Troll
In the Crowd Urging for the Curtains to Close

"URRRGH! ROWWRR!" Mordor Troll shouted in the crowd urging for the curtains to close. Initially there was silence as the scene ended, and not even the Carnivorous Crickets of Cirith Ungol could be heard. The silence extended for seemingly forever (or technically a week), until a slow clap was heard.

It was a sarcastically clapping Leeva, the mother of Orco del Oro who sarcastically shouted, "Oh, braaaaavo. Go home you freaks! You wasted my time and everyone else's!"

And that was when someone decided to launch rotten oranges and tomatoes. Though Mordor Troll would've wondered how in the world they gotten oranges, his mind was preoccupied elsewhere. So before everyone in the crowd could get a change, Mordor Troll yelled and the curtains were immediately closed surrounding the Coliseum.

...Unfortunately though the stage itself could hold up quite a large mass. Because of science, Dain's lightshow had turned many of the 500 trolls to stone. As stone is denser then troll flesh, their combined mass had reached the stage's limit.

...What tipped the limit over were the thrown rotten oranges and tomatoes by Layna (@Almarëa Mordollwen). Thus the entire stage collapsed, causing everyone on stage to suddenly plummet straight down into the literal underground backstage area.

If one observed this, they would've written down "Rocks fall, everyone dies." But fortunately, Kistrel the intelligent spider was intelligent for a reason, and had quickly spun an entire web of spider silk underneath the stage.

But most importantly, did everyone survive? What of the director? Did he get a good cut off the profits made in this show? What of the Troll Preservation Society? And what of the luxurious buffet that was planned for all the actors? Who knows? Find out next time on The Hobbit INSANITY: A Somewhat Expected Quest!

....AS WE MOVE TO FANGORN FOREST FOR OUR NEXT ADVENTURE. ETA: After a well deserved break. Feel free to exalt and applaud your actors in the OOC thread!

Final achievements shall be posted tomorrow. Actors don't need to post anymore but they can post if they want. This is now a Free RP area. See you next time!

[DEATH]

A WEEK AND A HALF.

That, it seems to Stage Hand #7, is how long may have passed since he lapsed from consciousness, laying prone on the stage next to his (was it really 'his'? Had he OWNED that piece of cardboard or had he merely been charged with its wellbeing? Too difficult to know. Everything is too difficult to know.) proppy prop.

Somewhere in the back of his head the words float aimlessly: "IF YOU NO CALM NOW FOR CURT CALL. YOU WATCH HOME PROVE 5000 HOURS STRAIGHT. THEN YOU GET EAT, BITTY BITTY. SENT SLAUGHTHOUSE. NO MONEY, NO WORK, MAKE PARENTS ROLL GRAVE." Who had spoken them? What did they mean? Could he survive 5000 hours of 'HOME PROVE'? Could anybody?

There had been a loud groaning sound, followed by an even louder CRACK! The uneasy sense of falling. Rocks fall. Cardboard falls. Stage Hand falls. Everybody dies?

Lights Out.

Rocks fall. Everybody dies.

Rocks Fall. Everybody Dies. ROCKS FALL. EVERYBODY DIES. ROCKSFALLEVERYBODYDIES. ROCKSFALLEVERYBODYDIESROCKSFALLEVERYBODYDIESROCKSFALLEVERYBODYDIESROCKSFALLEVERYBODYDIESROCKSFALLEVERYBODYDIESROCKSFALLEVERYBODYDIESROCKS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!THREE

Suddenly awake. Was it all just a dream? Is this the real life? Or is it just... why can't I move? WHY CAN I NOT MOVE?? Struggling, Stage Hand #7 tries to free his hands. He can't. Slowly the room (cave?) comes into focus. He is seated. He is strapped into a seat. A large white expanse in front of him. A voice from behind.

"AH. HA. YOU AWAKE. WE START NOW. 5000 HOURS."

Shapes flicker on the whiteness. Glancing to his left, Stage Hand #7 notices that, comically, Cardboard Durin's Bane is also strapped into a seat next to him. Sound. Movement. Words form. Oh. It's a screen.

TROLL TIME with TIM TROLL MAN TAYLOR written on a wall at the back of what looks to be a stage. A crash, and the wall shakes, and then shatters into several pieces as a Troll crashes through it, axe in hand. "I TIM. TROLL MAN. FIX THINGS. FIX THIS WALL. FIX YOU. WHERE AL?"

"AH. HA. HOME PROVE. FAVOURITE MINE, TROLL TIME," chortles the voice behind him.

Oh no. It all comes flooding back, and not in a good way. Catatonia beckons, and Stage Hand #7 falls gently into its grasp. Home Prove. 5000 hours. Can't do it. Not Superman. Barely man. One final glance to his left.

"Well, buddy. We've been through a lot, you and I. Never thought it would end this way. Don't even know what to tell you. Show must go on? and on. and on. and on. ad infinitum."

Silence. He stares ahead, eyes unseeing. His soul leaking silently from his core.

In the background, "YOU ME AL. WE FIX. PUT. TURBO. IN ..."

Cardboard Durin's Bane also stares ahead. If one didn't know any better one might get the impression it was actually, somehow, enjoying the show.

They would be wrong. In addition to having seen MUCH better days, the Balrog, of course, Is Cardboard.

[Rivvy Elf]

LAST PROMPT ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKS:

@DEATH: You unlocked "WRONG FRANCHISE (+10 individual points)," "DUMBLEDORE ASKED CALMLY (+10 individual points)," "MANKIND (+10 individual points)," "STAGE FRIGHT (+10 individual points)," "UNION PROTEST (+20 individual points)," and "URWEN (+20 individual points)."

@Fairy Nuff: You unlocked "CENSORED (+10 individual points)," and "UNION PROTEST (+20 individual points)."

@Thalionwen: You unlocked "UNION PROTEST (+20 individual points)," and "CURTAIN CALL (+10 individual points)."

@Dimcairien Luiniel: You unlocked "MYTHOLOGY GAG (+10 individual points)," "UNION PROTEST (+20 individual points)," and "CURTAIN CALL (+10 individual points)."

@Lirimaer: You unlocked "CURTAIN CALL (+10 individual points)."

@KingODuckingham: You unlocked "ELDRITCH ABOMINATION (+10 individual points)," "SAURON'S DEATHS (+10 individual points)," "WRONG FRANCHISE (+10 individual points)," and "INTO THE UNKNOOOOOOOWN (+30 points)."

@Sil: You unlocked "STEREOTYPICAL ELF HAIR FLICK (+10 individual points)," "CURTAIN CALL (+10 individual points)," and "SPIDERPERSON (+10 individual points)."

And so ends the final achievements for the last prompts. Feel free to spend your points on items in the Rotten Tomato Shop that I will fill with inventory soon, like a replica Tony Award, or a frying pan, or an all expenses free trip to the Mt. Doom resort and Spa.