A short story sprung from seeds planted in the Plaza

Original writings and artwork by Tolkien fans.
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The old Plaza is the graveyard of many of my youthful writings, many of them set in a world I called Elgaren. I still write in a version of that world, working on novels that had their earliest iterations here. I've been working on a trilogy for years now, off and on (I still managed a draft of Book III while writing my PhD!) that has gone through so many drafts and versions and changes now that it is nothing like the same story that was posted here except for a few of the names.

I won't share any of the novels here, but I will share a short story I wrote for a background character who I have had to more or less reluctantly delete from the trilogy. I struggle a bit with short stories because I feel like I can't always communicate a "point", and I also struggled with the voice because I so rarely write in 1st person. But inspired by dear @Thalionwen's lead, I'll post it anyway and I'll be grateful for any feedback. It is not fanfiction and not particularly Tolkienesque, but it is fantasy.


THE GODDESS' SCRIBE

Part 1/6


I knelt before the statue of Divine Hallia the Wise. The cold seeped through the flagstone floor, through the thin robe they had given me, through my skin and flesh and into my very heart. The goddess’ amethyst eyes were cold and unfeeling, as hard as the four faces that stared down at me. Four gray-robed Scholars, two men and two women, flanked the goddess’ statue.

One of them, a dark-skinned Renochi woman who could hardly be a few years older than myself, was the first to speak. She leaned forward in her chair, her raven-black hair falling around her face like a curtain.

“You say you have come to give up everything and lay it at Divine Hallia’s feet.” It was not a question, but I could hear the disbelief in her voice.

“I have come for that reason, yes.”

What else could I say?

“You are willing to give up everything?” a man asked. I heard the insolent disbelief in the way he used the pronoun. He wielded that insolence like a Maiden stabs a needle through embroidery cloth, enlarging the holes of self-doubt.

I nodded, biting back the words I wanted to say. I wouldn’t be here if I had a choice. Only people without a future joined the Scholars of Hallia.

The man seemed unsatisfied by my response. He was middle-aged, thin in the way of someone who has never indulged in any pleasure in their life. Would I be that way too once the pleasures of wine and sex were taken away? Pain gripped my heart and I closed my eyes tight against the memories that threatened. As if I’d ever want to sleep with anyone else now that Mabon is dead.

Another woman spoke then, her face a little plump and lined. But her voice was gentler than the others. “My dear, there are gentler places to seek sanctuary. Other orders will take you in. A woman with your… background, with your skills—you could become a Healer, a Midwife, a—”

“I want to be a Scholar.” Perhaps it was rude to interrupt her. After all, she was only trying to be kind—the first person to be kind since before I had arrived at this freezing hunk of rock on a mountainside. But I was used to speaking when I wanted and how I wanted, and their refusal to accept my decision was infuriating.

The woman’s lips pressed together. With her hair hidden in an old-fashioned headdress, she looked more severe. “It is a hard life,” she said, as though she did not think me able to cope.

Well, I’d coped with worse.

“You’d have to give up everything,” the first woman said, a note of disbelief still in her voice. “You wouldn’t be able to claim anything of your old life. No clothes, no jewels... no titles…”

“I know that.” My voice was clear, enunciated. I wasn’t a child, and I wasn’t a fool. Maybe others were driven mad by grief, but not me. Grief was a coward’s way out. I wanted revenge.

The last of the four, a man so old that his beard was white and his head bald, said nothing. He only looked at me. Somehow, he was the most unnerving of them all. If he didn’t trust my reasons for wanting to join the Scholars, he didn’t say.

I frowned. I’d rather have it right out in the open, but they all seemed to dance around it.

The middle-aged man sat back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. “I vote no.”

The older woman frowned at him. “We haven’t decided to vote yet, Endon. Let her have her say.”

My say? They expected me to plead my case? Wasn’t vowing to give up all my earthly possessions, my relations, even my own gods-forsaken name enough? They were all looking at me expectantly, waiting. Rysia’s blood, I thought sourly, but I didn’t voice the swear. I’d probably give Ancient and Bearded a heart attack.

I took a deep breath. “I know that there is no statute that insists all would-be Scholars are young and impressionable. You are supposed to accept people at any time in their lives. Of all walks of life.” I narrowed my eyes at the man Endon, who raised an eyebrow coolly in return. “As I said, I am willing to give up everything I have and devote my remaining years to Divine Hallia and the pursuit of knowledge.”

I was talking like I was some decrepit crone, as close to the end of my life as Old Beardy, when really I wasn’t even near the end of my childbearing years. I could have had a few more children—and really, that was why I was here to begin with.

Their faces were still stone, and I couldn’t hide my annoyance any longer. “I’m not a charity case. My own tutor, Scholar Nessa, taught me well. I know the history of the Four Kingdoms; I can read, write, even illuminate a damn manuscript page if I need to.” Endon scowled, but I thought the older woman hid a smile with a cough.

The dark-haired woman put her head to one side, like a crow eyeing a hunk of meat. “And what about King Rhian?”

My soul froze, burst into flame, and refroze in the space of a heartbeat. “What about him?”

As if sensing blood, Endon took up the hunt. “Part of our vows are to be impartial. Do you really think you can achieve that?”

I met his gaze. If he noticed that my eyes were as violet as those of the goddess whose statue loomed above him, he did not comment.

“I’m a gods-damned princess of Afyn, Scholar Endon. I can do whatever I set my mind to.”

That was a mistake; I knew as soon as I said it. Endon leaned back in his chair, smirking—as if getting me to admit who I was counted as a victory. Well, dancing around the subject hadn’t done me any good, and with eyes like mine, it would be hard to deny who I was. All Four Kingdoms were no doubt buzzing with the news that the conquered princess of Afyn had escaped King Rhian of Lanthyr’s clutches.

“But you won’t be a princess any longer.” The older woman’s voice was too kind, too patient. It grated.

“Why else do you think I’m here?” I said sharply.

As a princess, I was a danger to my country. Rhian had chosen to name me ruler over my little brother Farlan. Never mind that Farlan was twenty and had been named king as soon as news of Father’s death had been delivered from the battlefield. Rhian didn’t actually want me to rule Afyn; he just to pit us against each other. And when I had refused, he had tried to take me to Lanthyr as a hostage. A hostage... maybe even a wife.

My lips thinned. Rumor said that Rhian had killed my beloved Mabon himself. Gutted him with a broken sword. At least Mabon had driven him to his knees before he died. No one could say that my husband hadn’t given everything he had for Afyn.

But there was no way I was going to risk that bloody Lanthyri king laying his hands on me or my country.

The old man was still watching me, stroking his beard. My father used to do that when he was thinking hard. Before Rhian smashed his skull open with an axe on the battlefield.

“We should vote,” he said, and this time nobody argued. “What do you say, Endon?”

The middle-aged man crossed his arms again. His smirk was as greasy as pig’s fat. “No. With her history, she will never be able to pass the Trials.”
The Trials? Inwardly I groaned. There was more than this farce of an interview? Not, I thought sullenly, that I am likely to even make it past round one.

“Myvanna?”

The dark young woman took a while to answer. Her head was still cocked to one side, her lips pursued.

“Yes,” she said slowly. “I think she should be given the chance to prepare for the Trials, at any rate.”

Endon shot her an exasperated look, as if his ally had betrayed him. But I hardly noticed. A shiver of fear ran through my already frozen body. What if they were going to string me along, keep me here and send word to Rhian? The Scholars were sworn to be impartial, but the Tower of Hallia was technically on Lanthyri soil, and they may not want to infuriate a potential benefactor. A potential conqueror.

The old man pressed on. “Gwyneira?”

The older woman shook her head and sighed. “I still think there’s an easier way for her to seek sanctuary, but if this is what she wants, who am I to turn away a potential priestess? I say yes.”

Old Beardy took his time to say anything. He hardly seemed to notice when I fixed him with the sort of stare I reserved for my silliest handmaidens. He was still stroking his beard, playing with the end. Was his say the final vote? It seemed a little foolish that they were two and two; what if they were two for and two against? Was two votes against enough to send me away from the goddess’ safety back into Rhian’s potentially lustful (and certainly wrathful) arms?

“I am convinced,” he said at last. “We should let her join us for a year and a day. She may leave at any point during that time, if she so wishes. At the end of that time, she will undergo the Trials to determine whether she is worthy of joining us as a full-fledged Scholar.”

I realized I was trembling. “Thank you, Scholar…”

The old man smiled. “Mabon.”

My heart sank. Fate was cruel, to give him the name of the one I had loved. But of course, he had chosen it for himself, the name of the noble hero of legend. Just as Mabon’s parents had chosen to bestow it upon the man who would become my husband, who would one day take me in his arms, and father my poor babies who died so young, and die in a bloody ruin upon the battlefield.

“What name will you take as your own?” Scholar Mabon asked me.

I bestowed upon him my sweetest smile. “Sioned.”

I had spent a long time deciding this. If Scholars usually chose the names of ancient queens or heroes, well, so would I. Even as a child, I had always liked the story of the rampaging Mer Queen who refused to make peace with the Lanthyri, even when it cost her half her kingdom and her beloved daughter. Now, it held a deeper meaning.

“Sioned?” Endon roared the name back at me. “See, Mabon; she mocks us. Cast her out now, and let us not waste any more time on her.”

Myvanna frowned down at me from between her curtain of dark hair, her eyebrows drawn in disapproval. Gwyneira’s motherly face looked oddly strained, as if the choice had wounded something deep in her core. I almost regretted it, almost took it back. But I had never been good at admitting when I’m wrong.

“Sioned,” I insisted.

Mabon studied me, but there was no rancor in his wrinkled face.

“Scholar Myvanna, show Sioned to her new chambers.” A smile quirked at his lips. “I warn you... they won’t be very comfortable.”

As if a princess had never had to deal with discomfort. If I was afraid of that, I never would have come here in the first place.
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That was a good story (or start of a story). You do a lot of good work in this scene, setting up a character in an interesting situation with lots of potential for conflict. It's a great beginning.
My only suggestion would be the last paragraph.
"As if a princess had never had to deal with discomfort".
I obviously don't know your world or if there's something supposed to precede this scene, but this sentence struck me as counter-intuitive. I would exactly expect a princess to never deal with discomfort. The scholars seem to have the same impression, given they find it incredulous she would give up all her luxuries to join their order. Obviously, this character may have had to deal with discomfort lots of times, but that would presumably be because of unfortunate events - an exception to the life of a princess. This is a long-winded discussion of such a quick sentence, but it just stuck out to me as.

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It feels like coming back to a favorite novel, getting to read your words and be in your world again <3 <3 <3 I absolutely love this. I'm rooting so hard for Sioned already--she has such an indomitable spirit, and I love how she's using every single choice and opportunity to her advantage, even when those choices and opportunities are limited. Can't wait to see what happens with her and the enigmatic Scholars, and the conquest-bound Rhian!
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Aduchil wrote: Tue May 19, 2020 3:31 pm My only suggestion would be the last paragraph.
"As if a princess had never had to deal with discomfort".
I obviously don't know your world or if there's something supposed to precede this scene, but this sentence struck me as counter-intuitive. I would exactly expect a princess to never deal with discomfort. The scholars seem to have the same impression, given they find it incredulous she would give up all her luxuries to join their order. Obviously, this character may have had to deal with discomfort lots of times, but that would presumably be because of unfortunate events - an exception to the life of a princess. This is a long-winded discussion of such a quick sentence, but it just stuck out to me as.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this part, @Aduchil ! My intention with the last paragraph is a little tricky: Sioned doesn't really take this seriously and her idea of discomfort is--as you point out!--not true discomfort. It's supposed to be a sign of her bravado (and also privilege) rather than truth. But I've been thinking about what you said and I agree that it's too stark just thrown in like this, so I've played around a little with the beginning of part 2 to make this clearer. Thanks!

@Thalionwen :smiley17: Thanks! Admittedly the world is hardly recognizable from what it used to be. I'm not so much of an avid worldbuilder so I've added sort of bits and pieces of history and culture and religion over the years. I've started getting into reading historical fantasy like Guy Gavriel Kay recently and I really love that taking something known and adding an element of fantasy to it. (Also loved Burleigh for the same reason!)
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YAY for Culfy-writings to read again! I have some feedback, but not a ton. Overall, I found the world and the characters fascinating, and can't wait to see how Sioned deals with both her tragedies and the consequences of the choices she's making here. The implication that she only has RUMORS of her husband's death worries me greatly! :smiley12:
“You are willing to give up everything?” a man asked. I heard the insolent disbelief in the way he used the pronoun.
These sentences threw me out of the story. I think it would be more effective if you simply show the emphasis you want ("You are willing to give up everything?") because when I got to "in the way he used the pronoun" I had to go back and re-read to be sure I was putting the emphasis in the right place in my mind.
But her voice was gentler than the others. “My dear, there are gentler places to seek sanctuary...
You probably don't want to use the same word twice this closely, in this particular context. It worked well in the opening (through the flagstone, through the thin robe, through my skin and flesh...) but it stands out more in this case. Honestly, I would switch "there are gentler places" to "there are more genteel places" because being a physician or midwife is not exactly... gentle.
And when I had refused, he had tried to take me to Lanthyr as a hostage. A hostage... maybe even a wife.
I don't think the repition with 'hostage' here helps the flow of the story either, just makes it clunky. I would shorten it to just "...tried to take me to Lanythr as a hostage... maybe even a wife."

I second @Aduchil's feedback as well, and can't wait to see how you've tweaked the next part to accomodate that!

Although I don't remember details of Elgaren, I do remember the name of the world, and so I'm sure I read some of your early renditions. It's wonderful to see that you're still dabbling in it, and I look forward to the next installment!
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Soooooooooo, where is the rest of this???? Because it has been SEVERAL DAYS and I demand MOAR!!!!!!
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@Taethowen All excellent points, thank you! :smiley17:

@Thalionwen My bad! :smiley9: I meant to post a few days ago; trying to even out the updates instead of posting all at once. It is a short story, but short by my standards... it's still almost 9k. :smiley16: (I am reverting to my teenage self with these smileys, but they are just so tempting...)

So here is another update, in which my brief love affair with academia is given a fantasy makeover. This update brings in more of the overall world lore, so I'd appreciate thoughts on if it's too much/too confusing!

And of course, thanks to @Aduchil again--hopefully this revised chapter beginning addresses the matter of a princess' discomfort (and privilege) in a more satisfactory way! :smiley24:

Part 2/6


It took only a few days before I realized that I did not understand what discomfort truly was. As a princess, discomfort had been temporary. But now my bed was hardly warmer than the air outside it. If this was how cold autumn was in the Tower of Hallia, I had little real desire to spend the winter here. In fact, if it hadn’t been for the information brought at breakfast time on my third morning, I might have seriously reconsidered my dedication to the goddess.

Some of the traveling Scholars had returned from their mission of collecting what many of the Scholars called ‘stories’, Three of them strode up to the front in turn and revealed their stories to Old Whitebeard (I would not call him by the name that had been my husband’s if I could help it) and the rest of the breakfasting Scholars.

A woman, athletic and cocksure, told of fights between different Mer-tribes. One of the Mer had destroyed her rival’s Mer-skin, effectively dooming her rival to exile amongst humans for the rest of her life, since without her skin the Mer would be unable to breathe beneath the water.

A young man, who I could have sworn was barely old enough to shave, talked of his experiences traveling with some Renochi merchant ships far across the sea in distant, exotic lands.

The third man looked more like a soldier than a writer, with broad shoulders and one of those unnaturally large heads the Warriors of Divine Duryn always seemed to have. He passed close by me on his way forward, and I caught the scent of falling leaves and mountain pines that clung to his clothing. My heart ached with longing for home.

But this was my home now—this tower where the paper rustled instead of wind, and the smell of ink was everywhere instead of the clean scent of the mountains.

“The war between Lanthyr and Afyn has come to an interesting conclusion,” he said. “The Princess of Afyn has gone missing, en route to Lel Hallia. King Rhian of Lanthyr is in a fury, demanding to know where she has gone.”

I held my breath. Other Scholars were listening, of course. One wrinkled crone near me crowed about how interesting that would make any narratives of the war, how later Scholars would surely be tempted to cast the Princess as a heroine escaping her brutal captor. I might have smirked, except that I was too afraid of what came next.

But no one even looked at me. Even Endon, bound by the rules of the Tower, did nothing more than smile grimly.

“This is important information,” Old Beardy said seriously. “We will note it down, and hope that one day we discover the outcome.”

I let out a long breath. Apparently I was safe in my disguise of Sioned... at least until I failed the Trials.

“Or,” the crone near me mused, tapping at her hairy upper lip, “perhaps they will see her as a renegade fleeing justice… either way, such temptation for the young! They do so like a sense of drama.” She winked at me, as though I were as young as the traveling merchant. “And some of us never quite outgrow that childish impulse.”

I had expected Endon, Myvanna, and Gwyneira to be leaders amongst the Scholars, since they had interviewed me. But Myvanna cleared away the dishes after breakfast, and I passed Gwyneira in the hallway later that day with her arms full of bedding. I glimpsed Endon from my window, splitting wood in the courtyard. In fact, none of the hundred-odd Scholars left in the Tower seemed to be leaders at all, except for Ancient Beard. It was common amongst the Scholars to nod to each other in passing, but the old man did not get any deeper of a nod. I rather liked that air of egality, though I suspected it worked better in theory than practice. After all, I was not accustomed to taking orders.

There was not much to do in the Tower if you weren’t writing or cleaning, and no one had said anything of my training for the Trials. Feeling a little nervous, I went in search of Gwyneira, judging her the most sympathetic of the four.

I found her with her eyes closed, up to her elbows in tepid water. She seemed to be soaking in it, reveling in it. I had thought her the most sensible of the Scholars who interviewed me, but nothing shakes your convictions like seeing someone actually enjoying doing laundry. When she opened her eyes, she must have noticed my expression of disbelief, for she smiled. It was a bit of a sad smile, and I found myself wondering who she had been before she had assumed the name of the ill-fated princess from the Age of Legends.

“I was wondering about my training. The Trials.” I could not keep all the worry out of my voice. “What should I expect?”

What can I do to convince you all not to throw me back to Rhian?

Gwyneira shrugged. Her arms were covered in soap suds. “No one has the same three trials. We will find your weaknesses—or what we think are your weaknesses—and probe them.”

My mouth was dry. “So you mean there’s no way to train? No lessons, no hints about what to expect?”

“Oh my, no,” Gwyneira said mildly. “What would be the point?”

I gritted my teeth. The point, I wanted to snap, is that I need to keep out of the king’s reach, and the only way I might accomplish that is by dedicating myself to his stupid country’s patron goddess in the hopes that he’s not as sacrilegious as he is brutal.

But I held my tongue. One lesson learned.

I sought out Myvanna next. She was in the Library, sorting through some old parchments. Her dark hair fell around her face, long and sleek and shining, oddly beautiful in this place of gray stone and gray robes. The frown line between her eyebrows was pronounced as she stared down at the cramped script.

I decided to be nice. “Can I help?”

The frown line deepened when she looked up and saw me. “Yes, very well. I suppose it is fitting.” She passed me an old codex, the leather covers peeling. “I’m looking for early accounts of Sioned. The original, I mean.”

Was this a trap—or some early test? The Trials weren’t supposed to happen for another year, but that didn’t mean Myvanna might not try to catch me out before that time.

Myvanna looked at me from behind her hair. “You piqued an interest.” Her mouth tightened into something that could have been a smile. “I am a Scholar, after all.”

We stayed in the little cubicle in the Library, surrounded by parchments and codices, for hours. My chair was not entirely comfortable, but at least there was a fire. And as we delved into the old accounts of the Mer-Queen Sioned’s refusal to accept the terms of the peace Queen Rosana of Lanthyr offered, I forgot about the cold, the rough tunic against my skin, even the fact that I was being hunted down by Rosana’s descendant.

It was only when Myvanna lit a candle that I realized how dark it had become. The Scholar settled back into her chair. “What did you learn?”

I had always hated that question when my old tutor, Scholar Nessa, asked it. Once, I had told her that I thought High King Rhys had been an idiot for breaking up his realm into the Four Kingdoms. Scholar Nessa had thrown her quill at me. The little pinprick scar above my right eye was still there, but it had been I whom Father had scolded, not her. Scholars were immune from everything.

Now, I felt like I was twelve years old again. “I learned that Sioned was no one to be trifled with.”

Myvanna hid another smile. “I think you knew that already.”

At least she had a better sense of humor than Scholar Nessa.

“I learned that she refused Rosana’s Peace because her wife, Nerys, had been killed by a Lanthyri soldier.”

“No.”

I blinked. “That’s what one manuscript said—" I rifled through them and pulled one out triumphantly. “There.”

“No.” Myvanna looked implacable. “You learned that Sioned refused Rosana’s Peace. The why is only conjecture. Look. Scholar Emrys admits it himself. How would he know Sioned’s reason?”

“I don’t know; maybe Sioned told him,” I snapped.

“Scholar Emrys lived a hundred years after Sioned died.”

“How was I supposed to know that?”

Myvanna ignored my indignation. “Beyond that, how would Emrys know what Sioned thought? He was no Mer. He had not been there.” She pulled out another parchment—barely more than a scribble, rather than the graceful script of Scholar Emrys’ hand. I had overlooked it, not thinking such a scrawl was worth reading.

Myvanna cleared her throat and read. “The day after Nerys’ funeral, Sioned stalked about the halls in a black rage, swearing that she would never trust Rosana or any Outsider again. I tried to reason—”

“See?” I said. This Scholar, whoever she or he is—”

“Scholar Ismene. One of the few Mer to devote themselves to Hallia.”

“Ismene, then. She says it herself; she was there. Emrys must have gotten his facts from Ismene.”

“Undoubtedly.”

My anger mounted “Then I was right.”

“No. You got the basic fact, but not the understanding. How do we know Ismene was not lying? She was Mer, after all. What if she wanted to make it seem as though Sioned had a good reason for refusing Rosana’s Peace? An excuse?”

“Rysia’s blood! I thought the Scholars were supposed to be impartial. Isn’t that the whole reason why you all don’t want me to join you all?”

Myvanna remained implacable, hardly blinking at my curse. “I said yes in your interview. As did Gwyneira and Mabon.”

But that didn’t answer my question. I slammed Scholar Emrys’ tome back on the table.

“Thank you for your lesson,” I said sarcastically. But Myvanna had already returned to her reading, curled up in her chair like a young girl devouring a novel. Her wide sleeves slipped down her arms, and in the candlelight I saw the sheen of a multitude of scars all down her arms.

A chill went down my spine, even in the warmth of the fire. Some women join the Scholars because they want to avoid being married. Others join because they were already married. I wondered if Myvanna had been one of the latter.

I left the Library feeling like I had already failed. No doubt Myvanna was storing up information about how she could make me slip up in the Trials. After all, her ‘yes’ had been rather tentative.

What did you learn? Her question felt like a taunt as I thought it over. What had I learned from that experience? Only, I thought sourly, that Scholars are not as infallible as they pretend.
Last edited by Culfinwen Lihtarwe on Fri May 29, 2020 8:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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@Culfinwen Lihtarwe I want a whole book based on this short story. Preferably multiple books. The world and its conflicts and mythology feel *so* lived in and deep, it's marvelous. The sort of fantasy you can sink into and inhabit entirely for as long as you're read it. All of the Scholars are such intriguing characters, especially Myvanna, and the conversation between her and Sioned about bias in primary sources is just *chef's kiss*

I enjoyed this update immensely!!!!
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I feel a bit like Sioned is a spoiled brat, lol. But I like the little glimpses she's getting into the lives of the other scholars, and I'm really loving the glimpses into the world you've created, especially from the angle of the historians. It introduces the different cultures in such a complex way!
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First of all, I’m so pleased to read more of your work, Culfy, and glad that there are four more parts of this story to come! I have such fond memories of reading through Rebels on the Plaza, back in the mists of time.

I really like Sioned’s voice, and the fact that she is privileged and obstinate, but also that she is clever. She has chosen a difficult way to escape her grief and her political situation. I love the scene in the library. Fantasy libraries are always delicious, and her discussion with Myvanna is wonderful and geeky. Hurray for historiography, and codices! Brings back memories of hanging out with old books and book snakes.

I’m finding the various nicknames Sioned uses for ‘Old Whitebeard’ a bit confusing. It might be clearer if she used one name the whole way through (I completely understand why she wouldn’t want to refer to him by her dead husband’s name).

Can’t wait to read more!

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Well this was a delight, I was so drawn into your story, though I admit it took a few paragraphs to do so. Your attention to detail in crafting this whole foreign world is gradual enough for someone who has no knowledge of it to begin to “see” it with increasing clarity. Your consistency with the seething anger of Sioned is believable and just below the threshold of predictable. I like the names you’ve chosen as well, they seem to “fit” well with each other and the world they are in. I look forward to more!

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@Thalionwen Thanks! It is fun exploring this little corner of my world. I definitely want to bring the Scholars more into my trilogy.

@Taethowen Oh yeah, she totally is a spoiled brat! But she was really fun to write. I think it would be a little exhausting for a whole novel, though.

@Larcwen Thank you so much, dear! I actually found the very first draft of Rebels and had to laugh. It's pretty much just some character names that have stayed the same from what I'm working on at this point. I'm glad you like Sioned's voice, and especially that you liked the geeky stuff. I'm such a historiography nerd! Good point about the nicknames, though; I'll see if I can edit down to just "Old Beardy" in the future.

@Bereth Thank you for reading and for your kind words! Do you think the opening needs to be clearer about what's at stake to draw you in? I just looked back and it does seem mostly descriptive. Maybe I need to fiddle around with opening sentences and make Sioned's situation clearer from the beginning.

The next section is, I think, my favourite. But I don't know if the worldbuilding will continue to make sense. It might also be too quiet of a chapter. Tell me if I'm being too self-indulgent, dear readers! :smiley11:

Part 3/6


I avoided Myvanna after that, though I returned often to the Library. As a princess fully immersed in affairs of the state, time for reading had been a luxury. As a Scholar, I had all the time in the world—and all the books as well. But Scholars, even those in training, were also required to contribute to life in the Tower beyond the intellectual sphere, and I soon found myself washing underclothes and sweeping stairs with the others.

During these chores, I found myself with Gwyneira so often that I was not sure if she sought me out or the other way around. Far from Myvanna’s indifference and Endon’s outrage, Gwyneira exuded... well, kindness. When she taught me the correct way to wring out laundry or beat a carpet, there were no barbed insults or silent judgement.

“We’re from all walks of life here,” she told me cheerfully when I had expressed my gratitude for her instruction. “And don’t forget, most men don’t know the difference between a mop and a broom when they first come here either.”

I found her most often in the laundry room, as on that first day, immersed to her elbows in soapy water. Whereas sometimes she seemed strained, tense while going about her other duties, here she was at home. I did not enjoy my fingers turning into wrinkled prunes, but to my surprise, I did enjoy chatting to Gwyneira.

We never talked about the past in so many words—after all, we were supposed to have given up our pasts. But we shared stories about other people. I told her of Scholar Nessa’s tuition and Gwyneira chuckled, revealing that Nessa had been one of her interviewers when she first came to the Tower. She did not tell me how long ago that was, or why she had come—that was technically before the Tower, so it was off-limits.

I remembered that she had counseled me to join a different Order, and I wondered why she had not done the same. She would have been an exemplary Healer of Divine Vannan, soothing fevered foreheads with her soft hands and honeyed words. Some Orders even encouraged marriage and children between their priests and priestesses. Gwyneira would have flourished, I thought, as a wife and mother.

But I never asked, as much as I wanted to. And gradually the stories I told her became less about the past and more about life in the Tower.

Winter brought bitter cold, but by then I was more accustomed to it. The Scholars were not ascetics in all matters, after all; we ate thick hot soups and built large fires. On such wintry nights in Afyn, I had curled up in bed beside my Mabon, refusing to leave and not letting him go either. Our warmth built under the blankets as we lay tangled together, just the way I liked it. I clung to those memories more tightly than any other, but worried they were slipping away nonetheless.

Even in my head I was becoming Sioned, who was never married and would never marry. It felt like a betrayal of Mabon’s memory.

A storm wailed around the Tower one morning, and I found the laundry room empty. Nor was Gwyneira in the kitchens or even the Library. I asked around, but many seemed to avoid the question. Was she ill, or had she been sent away on a mission and gone without telling me? The feeling deep in my stomach was a different kind of ache than one I got when I lay awake worrying about the Trials.

“Looking for Gwyneira?” The old crone who had sat beside me on my first day was sitting on a windowsill eating an apple. Her legs dangled several inches from the floor.
I nodded my head, giving her the respect due a woman who had devoted years of her life to Divine Hallia. “Scholar Bronwyn. Do you know where she is?”

Bronwyn munched her apple. A speck of white flesh had caught in her tufted mustache. I could not help wonder if she had been young and pretty when she had assumed the name of Mabon’s lover in the old legends—perhaps she had nursed a girlish crush on Old Beardy himself.

“Try the Lookout,” she said, kicking her legs against the side of the wall like a child.

My curiosity was piqued. A Scholar always stood at the Lookout, keeping an eye out for returning brothers and sisters, visitors, or potential initiates. But I had not yet been posted to that duty, and nor to my knowledge, was it one Gwyneira ever performed.

I began my ascent. My legs ached long before I was halfway up the many staircases, and I reached the round room at the very top with some relief.

I almost did not recognize the figure at the northernmost window. Gwyneira had removed the headdress she always wore, and her long hair tumbled down around her shoulders and almost to her knees: long, soft curls of light brown, lighter at the ends than at the roots, as if they had once been bleached by the sun. Although she must have been almost fifty, there were hardly any gray hairs amongst the brown.

I joined her at the window, following her gaze to the north. With so many of the trees stripped bare, the white caps of the distant sea were revealed, roiling in the wind from the approaching storm.

When Gwyneira turned towards me, tears had spilled down her pink cheeks. Her eyes were red-rimmed, the color bright. Blue-green, the color of the sea.

“I miss it so,” she whispered.

I caught my breath. The sea was not part of our life. This longing was not of Scholar Gwyneira, but of who she had once been.

“You could go traveling, could you not?” I ventured. Perhaps she was some Lanthyri fisherman’s daughter, her childhood spent on a boat or in the water as much as on dry land.

She shook her head so that her beautiful curls rippled down her back.

“Some Scholars are sent to distant lands,” I persisted. I did not understand. If she loved the sea so much, there was plenty of sea to choose from—she did not have to go back to where she came from. “Renoch is said to have beautiful sandy beaches. Or you could go to the Mer islands.”

A sob broke from her, as if wrenched from her very soul. “I do not trust myself. Even now…”

Some realization clicked together in my mind. Happiest when immersed in water, missing the sea as much as any loved one...

My stomach lurched. “Did they destroy your Mer-skin when you came here?” I whispered.

Anguish was written across her face. “It happened before. A man did it, a lover. He wanted me to stay forever. That loss—it almost killed me.”

I knew that longing, that sense of loss. I felt it every time I awoke in my cold bed. I could not remember Mabon’s face as clearly as I once had—I had to admit that to myself, although it felt like a betrayal. But I did not think I would ever stop missing him. The wound in my heart felt like a dagger was sheathed there. I imagined Gwyneira felt the same about the loss of her Mer-skin—a part of her she would never get back. Its loss forever separated her from her people, her home beneath the waves.

“My husband was killed upon the battlefield.” I said it softly, though no one was around to hear us.

She found my hand and gripped it tightly, saying nothing. We were breaking the rules together, and together we looked again to the sea. It would have been hidden by the forests most of the year, I realized. Only in winter was it revealed to taunt her. But the ache continued always.

“I found a new purpose,” Gwyneira said after some time. She did not elaborate, nor did I ask. Some things were too private to be shared. But I almost envied her. After all, my purpose was only self-preservation.

And revenge.

I worried for weeks later that I would get in trouble for what I had revealed to Gwyneira. But there was nothing. She and I did not speak of it again. It was only sometimes, when I caught her elbow-deep in a tub of laundry water, that she would flash me a wry smile. Still, I worried. Of all the Scholars in the Tower, I would have considered her a friend. Princesses had few friends—at least, that had been my experience. But perhaps in sharing Gwyneira’s pain, I had also given her ammunition—something she could use against me at the Trials.

After all, Gwyneira had chosen the Scholars over all else. I knew where her true loyalties lay.
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Culfs! Thank you for sharing this with us. :smiley17:
I am so excited to read your writing again. I can say for sure that I already find Elgaren a very interesting world and I'd love to read more about it.

I thought at first that part 2/6 was my favourite, but now reading part 3, I actually really quite like this part. I like the feeling of it, the sadness and the connection that's just been created between Sioned and Gwyneira at a much deeper level than the friendship they had before. And I really like the second-last paragraph where Sioned sort of doubts the friendship a little bit, part of her always focusing on the end goal of the Trials and protecting herself from Lanthyr. I am getting a good sense of the character Sioned from all of these sections and I like her, actually. I see a lot of potential for growth and challenges for her along the way, which makes for good reading!

I do agree with Ber about taking some to draw me in, but I think it could easily be edited by adding some more desperation on Sioned's part or something to indicate her driving need to be accepted by these people. It is not necessarily a bad thing, though, many stories that take a bit to get into turn out to be great ones! I am very much enjoying this so far. :smiley24:

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@Culfinwen Lihtarwe honestly? I wouldn’t change the beginning at all, but that’s just my opinion. And certainly not to clarify things! I love the mystery, having to dig and ponder as it unfolds. It’s the unexplained that brings me back to try to understand and puzzle out, and when I can’t anticipate the way a story is headed, then I’m happiest!

I can see why this section was your favorite, although I have to admit i was a little surprised that the anger had already subsided so much in the Princess, but it seems a span of time may have eroded it a bit?

Also, I think it rather natural to call “Old Beardy” by several different names, it works for me! I can think of those I’m not especially fond of that I do the same :)

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Thank you so much for your kind words, @Lailyn and @Bereth! I'm glad you think the beginning works, though I agree with Lail; I think I can add in a few lines to highlight what's at stake for Sioned.

Lail--I'm so glad you liked this section. I think there's a little of my homesickness in Gwyneira, that sort of ache that can never be fully soothed because "home" isn't just a single place anymore, and even if I went back to my childhood home it wouldn't be the same--a wrong fit, like a favourite item of clothing that you've outgrown.

Bereth--Sioned's anger comes out again in full force in the next section, but I want to read through and revise a little before I post. I enjoy angry Sioned too, but she has to learn some lessons before the Trials!
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Okay, I've read the latest update like 3 times now but finally have the presence of mind to comment on it, lol.

So as a reader (and a writer, lol) I *love* quiet little segments like this. To me, they are often the most immersive because I don't have to keep up with a ton of little plot bits and they help really settle you into the world. To me, the worldbuilding made sense, and it was nice to see a 'slice of life' for within the tower, and to see Sioned's mindset altering slowly over time.
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@Taethowen Thank you! I'm glad it worked for you. I also love the quiet, character-driven moments. Sometimes I love them too much...

The next update, in which Sioned gets angry again and I indulge in more talking about historiography.

Part 4/6


I successfully avoided Scholar Endon until the snows were piled high around the Tower. It was easy enough; he clearly wanted to avoid me too. But one day, he approached my place at the breakfast table.

“Find me in the Library after you are done eating,” he said curtly.

I bristled. I still did not take well to commands. “I am due to help Scholar Bronwyn clear the tables—”

“Myvanna will help Bronwyn. I want your assistance.”

I gritted my teeth and stopped just short of saying If you insist. “Very well.”

My feet dragged on my way to the Library. I found Endon in a secluded cubicle, far away from any of the others. I liked that even less than his summons. He pointed to a chair opposite him, where a clean parchment was spread, a pert quill resting in an ink bottle beside it.

“I don’t know what training you have been having with Myvanna and Gwyneira—”

Not much, I thought mutinously.

“—but it is about time you had some with me.”

I sat down, wondering what trap he was laying for me. After all, he had been the one to vote against me in my interview. I trusted him about as far as I could throw him—which, despite his thin frame, was not gods-damned far at all.

“Gwyneira said one could not train for the Trials.”

His look was withering. “There is a difference between training for the Trials and training for afterwards. I am being optimistic here.” He pushed some papers over to me. “I want you to read through these reports and write an account for me. As if you were a proper Scholar.”

I glared at him, snatching the reports from his hand. He watched me read, and my mind wandered from a report of Lanthyri finances to fantasies of hurling the ink bottle in his face. I’d done it to Scholar Nessa once. It was hard to hide the smile that twitched at the corners of my mouth at that memory. Gods, I had been a terrible student. If only Nessa could see me now, wearing a gray robe, ink staining my fingers.

I flipped a page and my smile died. Listed were accounts and tallies of the spoils of war—Rhian’s war against my father.

My fingers shook as I read how much he had stolen from my people. Wheat from our fields, horses from our pastures, silver from our mines. Not to mention the ornaments and jewels from the palace. My cheeks warmed as I imagined Rhian’s daughters wearing the moonstone tiara Mabon had commissioned for my twentieth birthday, when we had been only a year married, or the amethyst necklace my father had had made for me when I came of age. Amethyst, to match my eyes.

Unfortunately, they’d match Rhian’s children’s eyes too—descended from the gods as much as I was.

Once, the rulers of Afyn and Lanthyr had been siblings—sisters, Amarei and Rosana. Rhian had broken that sacred pact of blood of kinship, driven by his greed and his cruelty. I closed my eyes. A voice that sounded like Myvanna chided me. But how do you know why he did it? You cannot read his mind… My fists were clenched so tightly my nails dug into my palms. Isn’t it obvious? I wanted to whisper back. Every fool can see it!

But I was Sioned now, and I was not supposed to think of any of that. Not even to feel it.

When I looked up at Endon, he was smiling, as if he read my mind. I burned with the desire to do more than douse him with ink.

I laid the papers down on the table, my hands shaking. “I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?” Endon’s smile deepened.

“I can’t write this report. Get someone else to do it.”

His voice became low, dangerous. “I ordered you to do it, Scholar.”

I surged to my feet, knocking my chair backwards. “I am not the best Scholar for the job.” My voice shook, but I forced myself to stay calm. To not throw myself across the desk and slap that smile off Endon’s sallow face. “I cannot remove myself from the situation well enough to write a report that would be useful to Scholars in the future.”

I expected him to look triumphant, but he was not smiling any longer.

“You are no Scholar,” he snarled. “I’ll make sure of that.”

I ignored his jibe and stalked from the cubicle with my face burning. I was probably as red as my hair by now. As I walked past the desk where the old mustachioed crone was sitting, my sleeve brushed some parchments from her desk. I wanted to stride on like a princess, leaving the commoner to clean up the mess, but I found I could not resist the urge—the instinct—to bend and sweep it up.

“Apologies, Scholar Bronwyn.”

Her beady eyes watched me, so close to my own. My stomach jolted as I realized for the first time that her eyes were violet—pale and watery with age, but still the mark of the god-born. Was I not the only princess who had sought sanctuary in the Tower? Of course, she could be merely a royal bastard, but still... in some way, we were kin, tracing our lineage back to Divine Rysia, the Murdered Goddess.

Endon swept past me without a look, the parchments in his arms. Bronwyn watched him go, her eyes narrowed.

“You did well,” she said, when he had gone. “You passed his test.”

I stared at her. “What do you mean? I failed! I admitted that I couldn’t—”

“You acknowledged your inability to remain impartial. No Scholar is perfect, Sioned. There are always accounts and narratives that we pass on to another with the knowledge that someone else could do it better. And that is what you said. If he had insisted, you would have written it." She chuckled softly. “And I would have loved to read it. I expect it would have been a masterpiece of vitriol.”

“So I passed his test by failing it?”

She tutted. “How is that failure? There are a hundred of us in the Tower and two hundred outside it. Plenty of others who have no cause to hate the king can write that report. Endon may even have to do it himself. And now your time is free to do something else.” She stood, stretching her wrinkled arms. “Like this report about the latest findings of the Astronomers. I find myself a bit bored with stars and constellations today.”

I took her place, feeling a strange swelling in my chest that was certainly not caused by stars and constellations.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

Bronwyn raised an eyebrow. “We must stick together, after all.”

I wondered then whether she meant Scholars or god-born. But I did not dare ask. I had learned from Gwyneira that such private information can never be coerced, only shared.

“There was only one thing you got wrong with Endon,” Bronwyn said. “You said that your account would not be useful to Scholars in the future. But our job is, in some ways, ones of balance and perspective. A Scholar a hundred years from now may write a narrative or report that is more useful than all those who have come before, purely because it draws from so many varying perspectives. I imagine that your account of Rhian’s reign may someday be of great use to the Tower... as long as there are others to balance it out.”

My account of Rhian’s reign. Bronwyn spoke of it as if it were an inevitability. My life’s work—if I lived long enough to write it.
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@Culfinwen Lihtarwe Ouuuu, I hate coming to the end of each of your updates because I really want to keep on reading.

I have my hunches on what drives Endon, So it will be fun to see if I’m even close. ;) More please!

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Again, I loved this section, too! I admit I was a little surprised, but pleased, to see Sioned able to admit in honesty she couldn't write the report objectively. I like to think that shows a level of maturity in her we may not have expected back in the very beginning of the story. What other challenge will Endon put in place as roadblocks for Sioned, I wonder? - we shall have to stay tuned!

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Thanks for the comments, @Bereth and @Lailorn (newly entified! :smooch: )

The story is drawing to a close with this entry (though there is a short 'epilogue' section after). As always, I'm interested in feedback: is this enough of a 'climax'? Does it make sense with what's come before? Is it satisfying? :wink:

Part 5/6


Spring had not yet melted the snows around the Tower when Gwyneira shook me awake one morning when dawn was only a glimmer of light on the horizon. Her face was set and wan. “Come with me.”

Fear raced in my heart. Was Rhian here in the Tower? Had the Scholars been forced or coerced into giving me over to him? I dressed quickly and followed Gwyneira out of the cubicle where I slept. As a princess, I would not have trusted her, but as Sioned, I could not think ill of her.

“This is unprecedented,” she muttered to herself. But she would not answer my increasingly frantic questions.

She led me to the Great Hall, the same room where I had had my interview. I had not been back since that time, only three months ago. The statue of Divine Hallia looked down her nose at me, those amethyst eyes as cold as ever. And three of the four seats beside the goddess were occupied by Myvanna, whose plain face was grave, by Endon, whose thin face was as sulky as a child’s, and by old bearded Mabon, as implacable as ever. Gwyneira took the fourth seat. Behind them, a window revealed the rose-gold of dawn breaking in the east.

My mouth was dry. “It has not been a year and a day.”

Mabon stroked his beard. “In the past, it has sometimes been prudent to expedite the testing of a Scholar’s worthiness to join our ranks. I believe now might be one of those times.”

“Why?” My voice was sharper than I intended. “Have I seemed unsatisfactory?”

“It is not a punishment,” Gwyneira said quickly. She looked as though she wanted to say more, but bit her lip and subsided.

Something—someone—stirred behind me. My blood turned to ice. When I turned, I saw the glint of armor in the shadows. My memory played me false, remembering moonlight upon the armor of the man I loved in a midnight garden long ago. But it was not my husband who stepped out into the dim light of the rising dawn and the flickering torches in the Hall. His shoulders were too broad, his hair too fair, his smile too cruel.

“Hello, princess," he said. "They tell me you go by Sioned now.”

A lesser woman might have cowered before Rhian the Relentless. But I was still, technically, a princess of Afyn, and I did not cower. I did not even bow.

I turned back to the four Scholars. “Why is he here?”

Rhian answered the question. “Scholars are not the only ones who can sniff out the truth.”

Little did he know that we spent more time washing laundry than seeking truth from fictions. Hardly the glamorous image a Scholar would want spread about.

“So you are letting me undergo the Trials early?” I understood. If I was truly dedicated to Hallia, even Rhian might hesitate to forcibly break my vows to his patron goddess. Since he hadn’t just thrown me over his shoulder and stalked out of the room as soon as he saw me, perhaps that was a good sign.

Myvanna leaned forward in her chair. “You should not join the Scholars to escape from danger, but because you truly wish it.” Her dark eyes were grave and I thought that she, out of all of them, would know what it meant to escape from danger.

I imagined leaving the Tower, going back to Afyn in triumph. But Father was still dead. Farlan was still king. And Mabon, my love, was gone to me forever. What was there back for me in Afyn? An empty title. Farlan would not appreciate his older sister trying to influence or advise him. Perhaps others would court me, but I knew they could never repair the wound in my soul that was Mabon’s absence. Even the prospect of children held no joy for me. If the gods had taken my first two so young, why should I believe a third or fourth might survive?

I met Myvanna’s gaze. “I have no desire for titles or jewels, fame or power. And while the Tower might be a cage for some, it is not for me.” It was not a lie, I realized, as she nodded in acceptance. My heart beat more quickly. “I will undergo the Trials now.”

Behind me, Rhian laughed. “And if she fails, I will take her home. After all, she’s had only a few months to prepare instead of a year, you said. Fair odds.”

The joke’s on you, I thought sourly. There’s no fredegar training for these Trials at all. The only danger was that three months wasn’t enough time for me to have forgotten enough of myself. And Rhian’s presence reminded me more and more of who I had been before the Tower.

Myvanna brushed her long hair behind her ear with a scarred hand. “My challenge to you is this: what have you learned?”

I glared at her, feeling more like I was back under Scholar Nessa’s tutelage than ever. It had to be a trick question. Was I supposed to say "nothing", to be humble? Even after a few months of scrubbing Scholars' underclothes, humility was not a virtue I embraced easily.

Behind me, Rhian scoffed. “That’s her trial? She only has to answer a question?”

“There are right answers and wrong answers,” Myvanna said coolly. “And I hope you know better than to speak again in this Hall without invitation.” She would not even have reached his shoulder if they stood side by side, and her waist was about the size of his upper arm, but Rhian, incredibly, subsided.

Right answers and wrong answers. Myvanna had, of course, pointed out to me that one must read even the accounts of Scholars with a critical eye, but I did not think it would be that easy. She would not have given me the answer; she would have expected me to figure it out for myself.

My life was at stake and Myvanna’s test was one in which any answer I gave she could claim was wrong. Anger burned in my chest, and I squared my shoulders. If she was going to be difficult, well, so could I.

“I learned that no Scholar is infallible.”

Her dark eyes narrowed. “Explain?”

“No Scholar is never wrong.”

“I know what infallible means.” The furrow between her brows was back. “I was hoping you would elaborate on your answer.”

“I meant that none of us could ever truly know why something happened—why a queen refused a peace treaty, why a king invaded a neighboring country.” Behind me, Rhian stirred. “Even if I were to write my own story, it does not mean that it is true, only how I remember it or how I want to remember it. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to understand, as long as we know we might be wrong.”

I held my breath as Myvanna studied me.

“You might not be the most eloquent of Scholars, but that is indeed an important lesson. None of us would ever claim that we, or any of our predecessors, are infallible.”

She sat back in her chair and nodded at Mabon. I exhaled.

Gwyneira stirred upon her chair. “My Trial,” she said in a voice that was gentle but firm, “is for you to tell us who you are.”

Behind me, Rhian swore violently. Mabon coughed, and the king subsided again.

I remembered the Lookout, and Gwyneira’s longing for the sea. I closed my eyes, trying to recall my husband’s face. It was more difficult every day. Who you are, Gwyneira had said, not who you were. And yet I did not think it would be so easy as to pretend the person I had once been did not exist. Gwyneira had taught me that as well.

“I am a woman who wishes to devote her life to Hallia.” My voice had never been so unsteady. “Because the life I had loved was taken from me.”

Tears glistened in Gwyneira’s sea-blue eyes, and she nodded encouragingly.

I may take a new name, live a new life, but the past will always be with me.

“I am a woman who was once a princess, but who has given up that life—unwillingly at first, and from necessity, but now because she sees the beauty of a world where we can start again.”

Myvanna stirred upon her seat, her fingers running over the scars upon her wrist.

“I was once married, and now am not. I was a mother, and am one no longer. I once wore gold and jewels, but I now wear a simple gray robe. My name is now Sioned, but that name was not given to me at birth. It was a name I chose for myself when I sought Divine Hallia’s protection.”

“Yes,” said Gwyneira simply. “That is who you are.”

“Gods,” Rhian said from his corner. “If this is all it takes to get free food and housing, I wonder that not every starving peasant tries to learn a few crooked letters to call themselves a Scholar.”

Endon leaned forward. For once, his glower was not aimed at me. “Some of them do, your highness.” He said the title with a sneer.

“You have passed two Trials, Sioned.” Old Mabon twirled his beard around his finger. “One more remains. Endon?”

Endon did not speak to me, or even look at me. He got off his chair, descended the dais upon which the Scholars and the statue of Divine Hallia rested, and brought forth a little desk and chair from the shadows. He laid a few pieces of parchment and an ink and quill upon it. Only when he returned to his seat again did he speak.

“Prove to us that you are a Scholar. Write.”

I considered. There were no books on the table, which meant that Endon did not want me to comment on or compile from older histories. I could write from memory, but that would be too easy—and too easily criticized. Scholars were sometimes overly fond of showing off their learning. Therefore, I had to produce something new.

The four Scholars who watched me were unlikely candidates for interrogation; I imagined this should be original, and anything they thought could have already been written down in a better style than mine. I could write my own story, but had I not just said that my own account would be fallible? To write that would, therefore, seem arrogant.

Besides, this was Endon, a man whose only joy seemed to be in causing others discomfort. And what would be the most uncomfortable thing for me to do?

Behind me, the king yawned, and I understood.

I wanted to hurl the ink bottle in Endon’s face and stab my quill through his eye. I thought about Bronwyn’s counsel, that I had been right to refuse his first test. But this was my Trial. Divine Hallia, protect me.

I sat down at the desk and, meeting Rhian’s eyes, I gestured to the chair opposite. My hand shook as I picked up the quill, but I steeled myself. I was a princess of Afyn, and now I am a Scholar of Hallia. He cannot hurt me.

Warily, Rhian sat, as though he had no choice. He dwarfed the chair, as incongruous in its uncomfortable wooden slats as a giant riding a child’s pony.

“Tell me, King Rhian.” I dipped my quill into the ink. “Why did you decide to—” Invade, attack, plunder… “—campaign in Afyn? What reasons did you give your barons, for example, your sworn lords and loyal men?”

“Why do you want to know?” His voice was as rough as the calloused hands he rested on my desk, and wary as a deer who scents the hunter.

I met his eyes, as violet as my own, as the statue that loomed above us, watching. “I know my side of the story already. And now I want to know yours. After all, as Scholars, we must have balance.”
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Oof, I've fallen behind on commenting! There's been so much going on! :googly:

On Part 4

Ugh I just love it. I love that Sioned's understanding is expanding, even through situations where she feels trapped and misunderstood. She's growing from the spoiled princess to someone who can use discernment, and it's lovely to watch.

On Part 5
Spring had not yet melted the snows around the Tower when Gwyneira shook me awake one morning when dawn was only a glimmer of light on the horizon.
- you use 'when' twice within 8 words here.
the same room where I had had my interview
- you can cut out one of these hads and the sentence will read just fine. Or even change it completely, to something more like "the same room where my interview took place." Especially since you use 'had' again at the beginning of the next sentence, and that seems a little too informal for Sioned/the princess.
And three of the four seats beside the goddess were occupied by Myvanna
- this is a *little* awkward to read because it makes it seem like Myvanna is occupying three of the four seats, initially. :lol:
There’s no fredegar training for these Trials at all.
- FREDEGAR. I LOVE IT.
Because the life I had loved was taken from me.
- I think this sentence would be stronger if you omit either 'had' or 'loved'.

Also, this is what I want to do with King Rhian currently: :stab:

I love the character growth that Sioned's decisions in the trials shows. The story and world feel very cohesive based on the previous installments. I cannot wait for the final installment to see how this all wraps up!
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OH MY GOD @Taethowen THE PLAZA CHANGED MY NAUGHTY WORD TO FREDEGAR. :rofl: I didn't even notice it when I reread the section. I am dying over here.

On that note, THANK YOU for your suggestions re: wording and rephrasing; they are all very-well spotted! I will go continue laughing about Fredegar now...
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Culfinwen Lihtarwe wrote: Sat Jul 18, 2020 7:21 pm OH MY GOD @Taethowen THE PLAZA CHANGED MY NAUGHTY WORD TO FREDEGAR.
I WONDERED IF THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE CASE. Which is part of why I pointed it out. :rofl:
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@Taethowen It has absolutely made my day (I needed a laugh, actually, so it is perfect timing!)
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And the last entry, more of an epilogue than anything else... (no fredegaring in this episode!)

Thanks for all the support and suggestions and especially the love. :smooch: It's been a delight sharing some work with the Plaza again.

Part 6/6


There was no ceremony to initiate me as a full-fledged Scholar of Hallia beyond Rhian storming out in the chill spring dawn, having given no answers to my questions. Endon had been kind enough not to fail me, however—a small mercy. After all, he had said, glaring out after the departing king with more venom than I had seen before, we cannot force anyone to share their stories, especially the powerful.

I received no mark or badge of inclusion. It hardly seemed to matter in the life of the Tower. A few congratulated me on passing the Trials, Bronwyn among them. More merely smiled and nodded to me in the corridors. At first I was disgruntled. But then I realized that they had always called me Sioned—had always accepted my new life. Perhaps the Trials were only a formality. A last chance to turn back for the ones who were uncertain. The Scholars were hard and stern, but not cruel.

I still joined Gwyneira in the laundry room most days, working the wringer while she soaked in the soapy water. We would chat about life in the Tower, interesting things we had read, and even occasionally sharing a story of life before. Sometimes they were stories we had told already. It didn’t matter. It was more about sharing, about the rebellious pact of remembering, than actually learning anything new.

Other times I sat by Myvanna by the fireside, pouring over old accounts of kings half-forgotten, of battles that barely seemed to matter anymore. Lists of men dead, of marriages and births, all these people whose names were immortalized here in the Tower. When the firelight played across Myvanna’s scars, I would wonder how she had gotten them, even though I knew that the how was not important. She was safe here, and she always would be.

Spring turned to summer and then to autumn. A year had passed. I knew from the reports that my younger brother Farlan was doing well as king. He had gathered counselors to his side, and they had invested in the defensive forts along the borders—all the borders, not just the one with Lanthyr. Perhaps he would grow into a wise king after all. Or perhaps he had always been wise, and I had just never paid attention.

One autumn night when the wind howled about the tower, mourning the death of summer, I approached Endon’s desk in the library.

His eyes narrowed when he saw me. “What do you want?”

I sat across from him. “I want to learn.”

“You’ve passed your Trials.” I was surprised to hear a begrudging note of admiration in his voice. “What do you expect me to teach you?”

I took a deep breath.

“Balance.”

And this time, Endon’s smile was not a sneer. I smiled back.

I have not given up on my revenge against Rhian. The world will know that he was a tyrant—at least, it will know that one Scholar thought him so. But for now, I am content.
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Oh yes I am very happy with my tree...*preens branches*

Culfs - I absolutely loved this story! Also the fredegar made me laugh, too! It was very unexpected. I really liked Sioned's growth and lessons learned. I find short stories challenging to write, but you did a marvellous job of introducing the setting, the characters and then taking us on a journey from start to finish.

I'm very intrigued by this world now and would love to read more! Especially given our ending in Part 6. I am left wondering what happens next, but also satisfied with where the story is. Another feat I think is difficult to achieve with shorter works.

I think my favorite part was actually the end when she approaches Endon. What growth and open mindedness she seems to have learned! The beginning of part 6 gave me a very content feeling but that one sentence at the end "I have not given up on my revenge against Rhian" tells me its all just temporary...!

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The ending of this is *perfect*, IMO! Sioned has definitely grown by leaps and bounds, even though there are certain aspects of her self and past that she refuses to give up, which is more than understandable. I love the relationship she builds with Gwyneira as well.

As for critique, the only thing that stood to me was this line:
Other times I sat by Myvanna by the fireside...
Where you use 'by' twice. Could definitely tweak it to "Other times I sat with Myvanna by the fireside..."

Overall, well done, dear! This is a fascinating glimpse into this world, and like @Lailorn I am intrigued and would love more!

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Dearest @Lailorn and @Taethowen, thank you so much for your kind words, your helpful suggestions on improving story and language, and for continuing to read despite my intermittent posting! :smooch: It has been such a delight to share my writing on the Plaza again, and you guys have given me great notes for revisions before I workshop this with my city's little tiny in-person fantasy critique group.

I plan that Sioned will make another appearance in the trilogy I am writing, though as a secondary character. And if I end up having to cut her out of the trilogy (though I hope I won't), I'll have to write another tie-in somehow! She was a lot of fun to write.
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You're so welcome! It was a joy to get to read some of your words again, and I'm so glad it was helpful for you! I really hope you don't have to cut Sioned out of the trilogy. Maybe you just need to find a way to make her more integral to the whole plot? :wink:

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:smooch: Culfs! I'd love to read your stuff anytime! I'm so glad you shared with us. If Sioned can't make it in the trilogy (totally understand), maybe you can do a spin-off novella about her...? :grin: :wink:

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