Axe Throwing Contest

[Nerwen Nuke-queen]

In the vast space where there would normally be rows of kegs, cabinets of pipe weed, lorists arguing and mining dwarves carrying locked chests of newly smelted weapons there is now a semi circle of raised seats looking down on several targets. Behind a thick white line, some distance away from the targets are several crates containing throwing axes of the highest quality. Inspecting those crates are two dwarves, brother and sister, Girul and Jorrolsia [played by Nerwen]. These are your judges and this is how the game works. The target looks like this:

I will role a 10 sided die to determine where your axe lands, and points are awarded thus:
1&2 - white
3&4 - black
5&6 - blue
7&8 - red
9&10 - yellow

You can 1 additional point per post for flamboyancy; whoever said dwarves were serious was lying! This is a knee's up! Get in costume, bring your game face, get your trash talk ready! Points may be deducted if there is excessive foo....

In your first post please make it clear if you are entering the contest (RP registering with either Girul or Jorrolsia) or if you are spectating/heckling/throwing tomatoes/selling the ale and pies.
Open to all, you don't have to RP a dwarf
I will leave 24 hours (ish) between posts and updates
Label any OOC

[Oro]

The infamous axe throwing contest. Oro had competed in many of them in his days, but this day he was not competing but instead had come along to see who would show up. The best part of the competition was all the costumes. He had once competed dressed as a rooster with a shock of feathers running down his head. Another time, he had worn a purple pinstripe suit. That had been his best competition, including ripping the back with a massive throw that won him the title. But he was getting old, and did not feel like throwing, so instead he had arrived to watch. Pulling up a chair, he looked at the registration table to see who would arrive. Pulling a satchel at his side around he pulled out the pies that he had bought, and lifted up the tankard he had grabbed on his way in. He began to eat the pie, and drink the beer as he waited for the competition to begin.

[Thorin Firehelm]

Excitement, anticipation, tension. All the hall marks of the fabled axe throwing competition. His own axe was dangling, freshly sharpened at his belt, safely sheathed. Grasping its smooth, wooden handle with its brass trim, Thorin entered the vast arena. Boots stomping, armour clanking, Thorin approached the registration desk at which were stationed two dwarves. One he knew (Jorrolsia) and one was new to him. "Evening Jorrolsia," his low, deep voice rumbled as he smiled behind his bushy beard. "I would like to register for the axe throwing contest", my axe is ready and my spirit is willing.

[Mognar Firebeard]

Mognar was no stranger in the matters of sports and folklore in the dwarven realm. Axethrowing happend to be one of the things he liked doing. As he walked up to the registration desk he saw another dwarf there to sign up. "Good to see that there are other contestants, otherwise it wouldn't be much of a contest." he said as he got to the desk and talked to the male dwarf(Girul) he didn't know. "Hi there, Mognar Firebeard here to sign up for the contest, what do Ineed to do to be a part of this contest?"

[Dis]

"I can't tell which way I'm supposed to go!" The complaint issued forth from the hinder part of a lumpy swaybacked pony which had just trotted into view. A pair of ice blue eyes peered from the pony's mouth. "Remember, I only agreed to this because you let me be the head. Grouse too much and you can throw your own blasted axes." The pony spoke with a deep voice.

The front half walked with a sure step. The back end stumbled along. When the pony stopped in front of Girul the back end kept going and ran into the front. A great deal of dratting and foul language issued from the bowels of the pony. "White Beard signing up." He glanced back at the rear end. "Ignore the aft end. It's noisy and smells bad but it won't get in the way. I'll be doing the throwing." The eyes in the mouth blinked when the innards grumbled louder and a back hoof kicked a front leg.

[Gwai]

NPC Glasha

Glasha had a feeling she had made a wrong turn after imbibing a little (or a lot) too much grog the night before. Rather than seeing other orcs, there seemed to be quite an abundance of dwarves. She was hungry and cranky, although neither was a particularly unique feeling for her. Apparently there was an axe throwing competition. Glasha was fairly decent at throwing axes (or burying them in others, but that was neither here nor there), and as an added benefit the axes appeared to be supplied. As there likely was a prize attached, she decided to sign up. What she needed, however, was a disguise. Too many people would take one look at her and start a fight which, while normally she would be more than happy to oblige, might cut down on the prize money.

She found some hay and glued it to her face since most of the contestants seemed to have a beard in one form or another. She found some laundry hanging out to dry nearby and stole a shirt that was too big so she stuffed some hay down that as well. A floppy hat completed her disguise, although in hindsight she looked more like a scarecrow than a dwarf. No matter. There were two dwarves taking sign-ups, and Glasha pushed her way to the front of the line. "I'm here to sign up," she said gruffly. "My name is, er, uh...Glasha," cursing herself for not coming up with a dwarvish name to round out her disguise. "I'm not a scarecrow," she added, in case it wasn't clear. She glanced to the side, where an incredibly odd looking pony was also signing up. She hadn't realized there were talking ponies here. Perhaps it would do for lunch if the prize money didn't work out.

[Oak]

Axe and Huorn. Those were two words that just didn't go together. But disguising herself was a tricky proposition with that fluffy crown of hers. She also didn't have proper legs. She just had a splay of roots under her. So Oakie had to stoop to dressing as something she dressed as before - a Christmas tree. white cloth garland was warped around her leafy branches and fluffy crown. Red baubles were tied to her twigs in hopes they wouldn't fall off. She even had brass bells. She fairly jingled her way toward Jorrolsia, but her progress was interrupted by a lumpy swaybacked pony. @Dis The back end was right in her path. Oakie tripped over it and went crashing down in a leafy pile. A red bauble went rolling across the floor and came to a stop under the signup desk. Her voice was muffled. "Does this mess my chances for signing up for this contest?"

[Dis]

White Beard heard Oak's merry jingling and looked in time to see her go down in a festive crash. Bells and ornaments flew everywhere. "Oh, I'm sorry. Big hindquarters, most inconvient." He offered her his hand, helping her up. Once the little Huorn was righted, he collected her ornaments.
All the while, the pony's backside was in the midst of a grumbling scold. "-Watch where you're going with that blasted tinker's cart!"
White Beard gave the rump a whack.
"Owww! That was solid!"
"Not as solid as your head." He was putting Oak's decorations back on. "Pipe down back there or you'll compete by yourself as a horse's aft."

[Oak]

Oakie straitened up her leaves. "Thank you, kind Sir. It seems your aft portions are really a horse's patoot after all." Oakie jingled her way to the signup where Jorrolsia waited. "You can sign me up for the Axe throw please. The name is Oakie". Then she looked back at the lumpy Pony and twirled a twig. She wondered how they were going to throw an Axe. There were two in that costume no doubt. There was a deep voice and a higher pitch voice. The deep voice was kind, but she didn't know what to think about the Pony's back end. Well it was a horse's hind end. It was being in character.

[Silky Gooseness]

Silvereye, a Dwarf

Silvereye did not normally go in for displays of prowess like this. She preferred to let her skill do the talking - in the form of sales and gold straight into her pocket. But alas, that pocket was feeling a little light of late. Silvereye didn’t know whether to blame the worldwide toy market or that fantastic bender she had recently gone on, when she had a feeling she’d made a couple of unfortunate wagers.

Well, there was nothing for it: performing well in an axe throwing contest was sure to draw interest, perhaps even buyers and investors. Although the wisdom of competing in an axe throwing contest when you had poor depth perception was questionable, Silvereye mused to herself as her clever fingers crept up over her blinded eye. Still, there was something to be said for being sheer lucky. Time to test that out.

[FireroseArien]

Firerose was familiar with swords for sure, but axes? Axes were a different thing entirely. There was a certain amount of coordination involved - not that swords didn't, but it was different. And she had never really spent a lot of time in Khazad Dum before, let alone a pub of the Dwarves, so this was a great way to explore new horizons. She looked around and saw not just dwarves, but Ents, and a man of Rohan. She might not be entirely out of place here!

Physically, she was feeling pretty well, wounds were healing and not troubling her much at the moment. It might be a good day for physical activities, and maybe some imbibing some fine dwarven ale afterwards.

She went to look for a place to register, approaching Girul.

"Mae Govannen. How might I register for this axe throwing contest? And might you have an axe I can borrow?"

[Dis]

White Beard pushed his beefy arms out of convenient slits in the pony's neck. Both arms were covered in full sleeve tattoos. He was examining and hefting the axes in the crates, testing them for balance. "These are good, you should take some home with you if they let you, Dis."

"I already got some nice axes," the pony's rear end grumbled. "Hey, I smell elf (Firerose). -and Goblin!(Glasha)."

"There is an elf." White Beard put the axes back. "And an Orc trying to pass herself off as a Dwarf."

"What's an Orc doing here?"

"Here to throw axes, I presume. We also have a Christmas tree and some dwarves. One (Silver Eye) looks blind in one eye."

"That bodes well for us, doesn't it?"

"I wouldn't bet on it. She is a dwarf after all."

[Nerwen Nuke-queen]

OOC - I forgot to say ten rounds! Oopsie. RP around as much as you want, bold your axe throw if you are taking one, I will keep track of how many you have had.

Jorrolsia

"Thorin", Jorrolsia trilled, throwing an arm around the dwarf's neck. "I already signed you up, I knew you wouldn't let me down!" She was giving him an extra squeeze when a very messy dwarf appeared in her sight line, identifying as Glasha and not a scarecrow, "My dear Glasha", she said, a smile stretching across her face, "you are MOST welcome and so finely attired, goodness me you put us all to shame! Stand behind the line until it's your turn. Turn taking is very necessary, we must be polite. Then you can pick whichever axe you like from the crate and just try and hit the target hmmm?" Jorrolsia crinkled her nose at Glasha, before turning to....the very fetching tree who had just collapsed in the middle of the hall. As with all strange occurrences, Jorrolsia turned her back on it for for the time being until the tree came and introduced herself "Welcome welcome, Oakie, to the greatest axe throwing contest of all time!" She spread her arms wide, "Please do try and hit the target and throw the axe only when it is your turn!"

Jorrolsia turned to complete her sign up sheet and hailed down the dwarf (Silvereye) "Ho there dwarf friend", she cried "Do you come forth to sign up?"

Girul

Girul nodded at his acquaintance Oro, who had come to the hall to simply spectate. Girul was jealous, he wished he could simply spectate, but oh no he had to work! He was also jealous of the drink and pies that had appeared on Oro's table; what a faultless combination of foodstuffs. It was then that one Mognar introduced himself and signed up. Girul sighed and laboriously picked up the quill, scribbling Mognar's name. "You can stand over there" he gestured vaguely towards the line, "axes in the grates, nearer the centre more points, ten rounds, someone wins, got it?"

A newcomer had appeared in due course (Why did they always have to come to him?) and was thoroughly announced mainly by smell. Girul wrinkled his nose, "I don't care which end of you participates so long as your axe doesn't hit another contestant because then I have to clean it up!" he grumped at Whitebeard, "Axes in barrel, stand behind line, hit target, ten rounds, someone wins!"

Girul could feel his temper rising and started to count to ten in his head "1...2...3...4" But before he got to five he heard a strange voice, "May go what?" he asked the elf (Firerose), with a squint "Erm" He stared. "I write your name here" He gestured, "and then you can go stand over there and take your turn, hit the target and you get points the closer to the centre and erm, then after ten rounds, my sister, she tells someone they are the winner...". His voice trailed off in the presence of this newcomer.

[Dis]

White Beard selected an axe and headed toward the white line with the rear of the pony stumbling along behind him. "I warned you, Dis, about eating Brussels Sprouts before the game. That Girul turned some interesting colors when he got a whiff of you. I'm worried you might pass out back there in your own fumes."

"Well I'm old and can't help it," the pony's aft complained. "You never were old so you don't know what it's like."

"Stop whining. I need to concentrate." White Beard stopped about ten feet behind the line and eyed the target. He took a few running steps towards the line and let the axe fly in a windmill kind of motion. It would have been perfect form had not the the hinder portions of the pony suit kept going and knocked him flat. He stood up to see where his throw had landed. His beard had come out of the costume's mouth in a decent impression of how a late night bender usually ended.

[Gwai]

Glasha the Goblin

There were a few more people around than Glasha usually preferred, but between prize money (she had forgotten to ask Jorrolsia what the prize was when she signed up, hopefully it would be something edible. Or gold. Gold would be good) and free axes, this seemed like a pretty good contest she had stumbled upon. Her disguise was clearly foolproof, as nobody could tell she wasn't a dwarf. Perhaps if being a minion didn't work out, she could masquerade as a dwarf and...do whatever it was that the dwarves did. Something about axes, apparently.

The odd looking pony took the first turn at the ax throwing, and ended up on the ground, with a beard poking out through the mouth. It didn't smell like a normal pony, and Glasha wondered if perhaps it wasn't a pony at all. She wasn't sure what else it could be. Perhaps talking horses had beards. She grabbed one of the axes and approached the line. She had been specifically told by Jorrolsia to take turns, and she decided to comply in maintaining her disguise, although personally she thought that was a terrible idea, and fighting the other contestants with the axes would have been a better idea. She ran toward the line, straw flying off her "beard", and hurled the ax toward the target. Her hat went flying when she let go of the ax, and she grabbed it and stuff it back on her head over her greasy hair. Strutting back to the line, she looked at the other contestants and reaffirmed in case they were unsure, "I'm a dwarf, not a scarecrow."

[Oak]

The lumpy looking pony looked like it threw up something white when it threw an axe which cause Oakie to raise her leafy brows. It was also giving off fumes, the smell of which reminded her of something she smelled at the Mirrormere. Oakie coughed a little on the smell. Her leaves instantly turned a little pale as she fanned her face to get rid of the smell.

After the funny looking Pony had taken its turn, what looked like a scarecrow was next. Despite its claims to be a Dwarf, it was no dwarf. The beard was straw. The hat went flying off it revealing greasy hair, the type found on Orcs and Goblins. Oakie scowled and her leaves fluffed out. Her color was returning. When the creature finished. It was Oakie's turns. She looked through the barrel of axes and selected one. Now a Huorn isn't as bendy as a Dwarf. She had a lot of little twigs and branchlets. She was a talking tree with big lustrous eyes. She gripped the Axe with several of her branches. She spun around to toss it. She let go when she was facing the target. She didn't anticipate she would really hit anything.

[Silky Gooseness]

Silvereye, A Dwarf

She was losing it. She’d had one too many beers (was that even possible?) and she was losing it. Next would come the tremors in her fingers and then her career really would be over. But Silvereye could swear she had heard the back end of a pony talking to the front end. She squinted her one good eye carefully before shaking her head, baffled. If she had a talking pony - or was a talking pony - she certainly wouldn’t be wasting her time on contests. She’d be exhibiting in every beer-hall going, possibly persuading the Pony to tap dance or sing for even more money.

But all of this wasn’t getting any axes thrown. Silvereye carefully selected one of her many - a compact and perfectly balanced one - and lined herself up with the target. She raised the axe behind her ear and then let go with an easy toss, powering from her elbow.

[FireroseArien]

Famous hospitality of the Dwarves, Firerose thought, not without a hint of sarcasm. Still, she supposed Girul was doing his best. She saw where he'd pointed to the axes and grabbed one, hoping none of the others would say anything. The axe she picked was small, a hand-axe if you will, but much easier for someone of her small frame to control.The carving, both on the shaft and the head was exquisite; she was surprised to see something like this in such a setting. If she did well, maybe she'd ask to purchase it - or at least she would ask where she might find the maker to commission one.

She moved over to where the starting line was, and lined up carefully. She took a deep breath, counted to ten, brought her arm back, and with the force of her whole body, she threw.

[Mognar Firebeard]

Mognar watched Girul scribble down his name. The guy didn't seem to be enjoying his work and quickly explained what had to be done. "Yeah 10 rounds and as close as possible to the centre. Seems clear to me. He said in a friendly tone, as he hoped some friendly words might change the heart of a grumpy dwarf.

He walked up to the line following the vague instructions. He looked at the grate and inspected the axes that were in there. He picked up an axe and checked the balance swapping it from hand to hand and turning it round. "This seems to be a good axe, but what can one expect from dwarven made axes, nothing but good quality" he muttered more to himself and put a grin on his face. He had a quick look at the other contestants standing at the line and gave them a friendly nod. "May the best dwarf win! he said as he readied himself for his first throw.

Mognar took a good hold of the handle of the axe, made a few practice swings with his arm and trying to aim for the centre of the target. He then moved his arm backwards and with great force he moved his arm from behind his back and at what he hoped was the right time, opened his hand to have the axe swirl around. He remained in his pose where his right hand was stil open and pointing towards the target as he watched the axe swirl around and hoped that he had aimed correctly.

[KingODuckingham]

"Do you quarrel, sir? Draw, if you be men. Remember thy swashing blow!" Ducky said.

"We're not men, we're dwarves." the dwarf responded wearily. "And sir, this is an axe-throwing contest. Take it out on the target, not on reception."

"Ah. Yes. I see." Ducky said, sheepish. "VERY WELL."

He inspected his axe. He shifted it into both hands, balancing its weight. He would have thought a weapon made for someone half his height would be lighter, but dwarves were heavy for their size, and apparently so were their weapons. Ducky decided the best thing to do was to double-overhand the weapon, applying centrifugal force. Or was it centripetal? And which one of those was causing him to fall over backwards when he raised the axe too far back? The world went into slow motion, and Ducky had a vision of Gimli looking sadly at someone off-screen (as it were) and saying, choked up, "He fell..."

Ducky would need a triumphant re-entry sometime later to shatter expectations. For now, it was time to try to fall like a cat and avoid danger on the way down.

He went back to the reception area and asked if they had any smaller axes. The receptionist gave him a withering look and told him to try one of the one's labeled "Baby's first throwing axe". Ducky was about to insist that doing so was beneath his dignity, but was afraid the dwarf would think he was making a short joke.

Ducky picked up the tiny axe, hefted it handily, and turned suddenly and tossed it at the target. He continued turning after he released, not because it was still too heavy of course, but because cool guys don't look at explosions.

[Nerwen Nuke-queen]

Jorrolsia applauded with enthusiasm from the sidelines. Girul was looking at the floor and muttering to himself. "Go and get the axes" she said, nudging him. He gave her a blank look and slouched of to the targets. As he was doing his actual job, Jorrolsia did the maths and chalked it up on the board. There were some clear front runners and some who looked a little...less talented, she announced them thus particularly enjoying the efforts of Ducky and Whitebeard,

"White Beard - 1/10 throws - Score: 7 (6 + 1 flamboyancy)
Glasha - 1/10 throws - Score:7
Oakie - 1/10 throws - Score:1
Silvereye - 1/10 throws - Score:8
Firerose - 1/10 throws - Score:2
Mognar - 1/10 throws - Score:7
KingO - 1/10 throws - Score: 9 (8 + 1 flamboyancy)

I hope you are playing nicely, following the rules, not bad-mouthing each other and certainly not tripping each other up!" Jorrolsia adopted what she hoped was a severe and sincere tone of voice and attitude, crossing her arms and even going so far as to dare a wagging finger. "Second throws are up!"

[Gwai]

Glasha the Goblin

Glasha was somewhat impressed with her first throw, especially since axes weren't usually her weapon of choice. Maybe they would be in the future. Some of the contestants had a bit better aim than her, especially the cool guy (Ducky) who didn't even look at his throw. Glasha wished enviously she was cool like that. The dwarf who seemed to be in charge whose name Glasha couldn't remember (Jorrolsia) was droning on about something about playing fairly and something else about rules. Glasha immediately ignored all that and instead pushed to the front of the line to grab another ax.

She picked up another ax, which happened to be painted pink. There weren't a lot of pink things where she came from, but as she was in disguise, decided to go ahead and keep it, as perhaps this was what most dwarves would use. She tested it out for weight, actually liked the feel, and thought she might appropriate several of these to take home with her. Looking around to see if anyone was watching, she slipped another axe out of the bin, and stuffed it down the back of her hay-stuff pants. She could sell that later. Or, if worse came to worse and she actually started losing the contest, could take an extra turn. Cheating was her middle name, after all. Actually it wasn't, but she wished it was.

Pink axe in hand, Glasha strode toward the line for her second throw. She clutched the axe tightly, closed one eye to better aim, granted resulting in a horrible nightmare-causing grimace, but that was just her face. She threw the axe, and watched it sail in the general direction of the target. The force of the throw sent her flying, and she picked herself up with a semblance of dignity, while wondering how many total axes she could steal, and if she could get a glass of grog anytime soon.

[The Good Hunter]

Skarp-Heðinn, Spectating

It had been years since Skarp-Heðinn had seen a good axe throwing contest. Maybe weeks, he was quite sure. It was difficult to tell the passing of time in the dark, when you're drunk most of the time. He was too late to join the contest this time, but maybe that was for the best. The old dwarf had been one of the shots in the Iron Hills, but that was years and several hundreds of barrels of pale ale ago. Now, he preferred to watch the youngsters and the more experienced. He placed bets when he could, mostly just with himself though and often he'd still end up owing somehow.

This was fun though, there were still some dwarves down here with skills. It was thrilling to watch. Yes, sometimes it looked like there were three dwarves throwing at once an they sometimes did it upside down but that just made it all the more thrilling. Whether any of that was real was on no consequence to Skarp-Heðinn. He settled in, doing his best to balance on an overturned barrel. "Come on ye young whips!" "Aim for the middle, not the edge!" "That's how it's done! Huzzah!"

[Oak]

The white part of the target was better than she expected. But her lower branches still drooped in disappointment and a bell dropped to the floor. She did the worst of anyone there. But it still wasn't good enough. Spinning around wasn't really the way the throw an axe but she didn't have a choice, as she couldn't bend at the middle. She avoided the smelly Pony that washed the color out of her leaves as she scrabbled up to the barrel of axes. She picked through the axes until she found a heavy one. She hefted it hoping it would fly true. She carried the axe back to the line, jingling and she went. She sounded like a sled full of bells. She was thinking that perhaps she should have chosen a different 'disguise'. She lined up 6 feet behind the line and studied the target. She started her spinning again. She jingled as went, Baubles flew off and bounced on the floor. She released the axe when she reached the line.

[Thorin Firehelm]

Thorin could be as affectionate as the next dwarf but was not given to extra hard squeezes by others. However, the occasion of an axe throwing always put him in a good mood. He thought it was something to do with the feel of the blade in his hand coupled with the thudding of metal on wood that did it. Surveying the scene, he noted several talented axe handlers of old, all seeming to be taking their shots carefully and with great consideration. As he picked up an axe, a sturdy looking thing with a gold trim, his eye was caught by a flash of pink. A pink axe? Durin's beard what was the world coming to. It was Glasha the Goblin. Before taking his throw, Thorin decided to set the right tone.

"Hoi! Gasha!" he bellowed "Nice colour, are you sure an axe so dainty will stand being thrown? More of a letter opener really" laughing at his own joke, he grasped the hilt of the handle and sent his axe to its mark...

[KingODuckingham]

Ducky dusted his hands off on his robes after releasing the axe, waiting for the explosion. It never came. He snuck a peek behind him, not wanting to look at the explosion, for that would not be cool, but needing to know if he'd missed it. The axe was stuck firmly in the target, near the center. That was the good news. The bad news? No explosion.

"Cool guys don't look at explosions, but that doesn't mean it's cool just to look somewhere that isn't an explosion." he grumbled to himself. Perhaps if he had thrown a bigger axe there would have been an explosion. That axe was tiny, after all. He went up to the target, wrenched the miniature weapon out, and returned it to the front desk.

"Hi, yes, could I exchange this for a larger size again?" he asked. "Is there a size guaranteed to cause an explosion?" he added, trying to contain his brimming excitement.

The look the receptionist gave him this time could have killed trees in Valinor. Ducky rephrased his question. "Could I get the next size up?"

The receptionist casually passed him a new axe, saying it was the smallest of the adult sizes. Ducky pulled it off the counter, but it immediately fell to the ground, yanking his arm down with it. Ducky stroked his beard thoughtfully for a moment. It was too late to back out now. The whole point was to play it cool. He decided to drag the axe back to the target-throwing line, hoping nobody was observing him too closely. He then tested the axe again--you wouldn't call it hefting, more like straining--then decided to toss the axe granny style, from between his legs. The axe was short enough to fit without hitting the ground, and supposedly this position was known to improve accuracy. He just had to make sure not to fall forward with the throw.

Ducky made a couple of small pendulum swings for momentum, realizing a tad too late that he was launching the axe more into the air than at the target. Unless he wanted to slice himself somewhere very uncomfortable though, that was where the axe was heading. Perhaps it would fall on the target like a lightning bolt from the sky. Indeed, perhaps the axe-bolt would cause the explosion he was hoping for. Ducky quickly turned his back again after the axe left his hands.

[Nerwen Nuke-queen]

It was Girul's turn to announce the scores. He tried to focus on neat handwriting of his sister. So painfully organised, so annoyingly upbeat. He sighed and cleared his throat, announcing the scores in a very fast torrent of speech so he could get away,

"White Beard - 1/10 throws - Score: 7
Glasha - 2/10 throws - Score:9
Oakie - 2/10 throws - Score:6 (4+1 for flamboyancy)
Silvereye - 1/10 throws - Score: 8
Firerose - 1/10 throws - Score:2
Mognar - 1/10 throws - Score:7
KingODuckingham - 2/10 throws - Score: 18 (8+1 for flamboyancy)
Thorin - 1/10 throws - Score: 1"

Girul half raised his arms in a effort of celebration, of fake enthusiasm to this contest, and tried to return to his seat. At the exact moment he turned away, from the corner of his eye he saw a streak of black and white. What was this? And then another! And another! Careening onto the arena floor was an entire team of racing badgers. Some badgers went straight for the table of snacks, some badgers went nosing at the targets and others, unfamiliar with the contest just ran around and around in circles tripping people up. Next to him, Jorrolsia let out a scream which reverberated to Erebor and back, she clutched at his arm, "What on earth will we do? We can't possible continue with THIS goes on?"

OOC: Are you bothered by the badgers? Have they interrupted your game thought? Has a badger tried to come to you for a cuddle...extra points for flamboyancy, but not harm to badgers while making these posts. Not serious harm anyway!

[Gwai]

Glasha looked on with disappointment when the pink axe did not hit anywhere near the center of the target. She snorted. Someone must have moved the target, or perhaps there was crosswind or...she was distracted by a dwarf, Thorin, started yelling about a "dainty" axe and something about a "letter opener". Not sure what any of those words meant, she settled with "Yeah, well, takes one to know one!." Did dainty mean evil and expert axe-thrower? Glasha had met few dwarves before, but she doubted it was a compliment. She decided she should probably add another insult. "And your beard looks funny!" she yelled articulately at Thorin, stroking her own made-out-of-straw beard.

She was about to grab another axe that was not "dainty" when large animals suddenly invaded the arena. Badgers! Glasha was excited. Badgers made some good eating! They were hard to catch, though, and could be pretty mean, especially if they thought you were trying to eat them. Glasha immediately got side tracked from the game, and saw a close by badger who had paused to eat a fallen pretzel one of the spectators had dropped. He was paying very little attention to anything else, so Glasha sneaked up behind him, putting her goblin skills to good use. Badger Burger coming up! She leapt toward the badger, who apparently heard her coming, turned around with an angry look, and promptly bit her hand. "Yeeouch!" Glasha yelped, pulling her hand back, large teeth-marks embedded in the palm.

She slunk back to the bin of axes, sulking, hoping she wouldn't get rabies. That would be just her luck, innocently trying to cheat her way through an ax-throwing competition, try to get a fresh Badger Burger much like anyone else would, and then ended up being bit for her troubles. She grabbed a non-pink axe, stalked up to the line, grasped the handle in both hands, ignoring what was likely rabies embedded in the wounds in her hand, and let out a yell as the axe flew toward the target. Another badger ran in front of her, and, stomach growling, she wondered if this one had slower reflexes.

(Edit to bold)

[KingODuckingham]

Boom! Wow, there really was an explosion!

Wait, no. That was the sound of a whole pile of approaching badgers, not his target ascending in an immolated column of fire. Ducky knew he shouldn't have mixed up the two so easily.

Still, a decent throw. The between-the-legs technique might not be dignified, but it achieved results.

In the time it took these thoughts to pass through Ducky's head, the badgers arrived from the far end of the court. They were astonishingly quick and much bigger up close than they looked from far away. Ducky panicked a bit as the badgers swarmed. The background faded away from consciousness, though Ducky could vaguely hear screams and thunks. It was just a wizard and some badgers.

A pause.

Ducky opened his mouth, and out came a foreign tongue, the tongue of the earth, the language of beasts. "How would you like to help me in an act of rampant destruction?" Ducky asked with a slight grin. "I have just the...target...for you." He nuzzled the closest badger, not for too long. They seemed eager.

Ducky knew this was probably not in strict accordance with the rules, but he'd ask forgiveness rather than permission. Except of the badger, he'd asked permission of the badger before picking it up and launching it at the target, saying "Chomp chomp rip rip, boy, go to town!"

[Silky Gooseness]

Silvereye the Dwarf

Silvereye was stunned by her initial success. So stunned that she actually went up and examined the target from a closer perspective, thoroughly ignoring the other sharp objects whizzing past her head (that’s what helmets are for amirite?). Apparently, skill, practise and depth perception were not as important for axe throwing as was sheer luck and style.

Silvereye had the fleeting thought that if she were on a lucky streak there were probably better things to be using it on than an axe throwing contest, but she was here now...

With an artful show of nonchalance she flipped an axe out from one of her pockets and tossed it backwards towards the target - or at least, what she thought was the target - without bothering to look. It’s possible if her aim is not true Silvereye’s next appearance will be in gaol for dwarfslaughter (It’s like manslaughter, but carries a shorter sentence...)

[Dis]

White Beard grumbled. "I told you this pony getup was a stupid idea. You almost knocked me flat on that first throw and fouled up my aim."

"That wasn't my fault. Your aim is lousy." Dis was starting to feel hungry.

"I could just let you throw your own axes."They had missed the second throw because White Beard was busy stuffing his beard back into the pony's mouth. For some reason visibility was poorer this time. He walked up to the crate dragging Dis behind him and picked two axes. He walked back to the throwing line. This time he wouldn't run, so Dis wouldn't crash into the back of his knees.

White Beard took a sideways stance and flicked the first axe at the target. He heard it land but couldn't quite see where. He hefted the second axe before he let it fly. As it left his hand a disturbing sound emanated from the bowels of the pony.

White beard coughed. "That's burning my eyes!"

[Nerwen Nuke-queen]

Jorrolsia, having a panic.

The dwarfette clutched at her beard, at the table, at her official Axe Throwing commentator's rod. Those badger racers! They did this on purpose; they were always trying to undermine her glorious and noble sport of axe throwing. She would be willing to bet hard gold that they were currently sniggering at her and Girul. She watched through framed fingers as Glasha got bitten and Ducky was nuzzled. The badgers were particularly distracted by the pretzels that were the flavour of the week for the crowd and so the players could step up and take their throws, Jorrolsia announced the scores with a quiver in her voice:

"White Beard & Dis - 2/10 throws - Score: 14 (6+1 for flamboyancy)
Glasha - 3/10 throws - Score:11
Oakie - 2/10 throws - Score:6
Silvereye - 2/10 throws - Score: 16
Firerose - 1/10 throws - Score:2
Mognar - 1/10 throws - Score:7
KingODuckingham - 3/10 throws - Score: 21
Thorin - 1/10 throws - Score: 1"

[KingODuckingham]

Ducky stood and watched the badger go to town, but his shoulders and posture gradually slumped as he saw the badger give up and lose interest after it discovered that the target was tougher than most things it tried to eat. He had hoped for going to town, but instead the badger had gone to the boonies. Ducky decided he would go get another axe.

The dwarf receptionist smirked. "Shoulda known no animal would do the job the way a mastercrafted dwarven axe would." she chided him. Ducky had no response. She was right.

"Can I have the master-est-crafted axe then?" he asked.

"No. Those are reserved for dwarves." she said shortly, and glared at him, daring him to think the short joke.

Then, after an awkward pause, she handed him an old brittle halberd. It had mold on the handle, rust on the blade, and long cracks along the haft and the head. It looked like it might fall apart in his hands, although it didn't, not immediately. Ducky blinked. He took a look at the receptionist to see if this was a joke. It did not appear to be the least bit amusing to her. She stared back at him as stonily as only a dwarf can.

Ducky left, and went back to the throwing line without another word, bearing the axe gingerly, that it might not dissolve. He tossed this one gently, still underhanded, hoping the axe would not disintegrate before it reached the target.

[Mojo]

A tall lumbering Ent emerges from the shadows with another smaller Ent by his side. "{i]Hoom hom![/i]" bellows the first, "Robert, we have not been to the Dwarven realm for many a long year, but this seems like a friendly gathering in which we could take part!" [b}Mojo[/b] looks down at his lifelong friend, Robert the Plant and booms again, 'It seems that they are tossing axes! This seems to be more of an activity for you and your friends, Robert. have some fun!"

Robert walks over and approaches Girul, "If it is not too late, I would like to enter the competition. Once long ago we Ents had a grand friendship with the legendary Dwarven axe-makers Fen Der, Iban Ez, and Gib son of Lespaul. A good friend of mine Pete TownshENT was particularly adept at throwing axes, though he was not well-liked by our Dwarven-friends. In the memory of our long-bearded companions, I will attempt this first throw" Robert said as he stepped up and wrapped his Entish fingers around the handle of an axe, throwing it towards the target.

[Gwai]

NPC Glasha the Goblin

It was a complete miss on capturing the badger to make badger burgers. Glasha glanced up at the scoreboard, and found she was also failing miserably at the axe throwing. At least she was hitting the target...that's all that usually counted in Mordor. Her superiors weren't usually particular about where the target was hit, as long as it was. Also, showing up to training wasn't always mandatory. Perhaps some of the more organized armies had a better idea. She shrugged. No matter.

The announcer, Jorrlsia, seemed frazzled as the scores were announced. Glasha had lost almost all of the hay she was using as her Dwarf disguise, and wondered how much anyone would notice. Most likely she was fully accepted as one of their own by now. She turned to grab another axe, and immediately tripped of one of the remaining badgers, falling forward, and landing with an oompf. "Oompf," she groaned, clambering up and glaring at the badger as it waddled off toward the Oliphaunt Ear stand. Limping dramatically, Glasha grabbed her next axe, hobbled to the starting line, and, trying to remember which leg she was pretending to have injured, sent the axe soaring toward the target. She put a hand to her brow for added dramatic effect, hoping she looked appropriately invested in the throw.

[Oak]

Ookay that was a little better but not by much. She had hit the black this time. So she decided to stick with that same throwing axe - one that had a long handle and a heavy blade. But there came to be a problem that caused her to miss a turn--Badgers. Two of them grabbed a an ornament each that had fallen off when she tossed her axe. One of them jingled as he ran because he snagged a bell. He was about to pop down a hole in the corner, when she nabbed him by the scruff of the neck. "Gimmie that!" She snatched the bell from his paws and let him go. The other badger was hiding under a table admiring the shiny red bauble. Oakie couldn't fit under the table due to her fluffy crown. It was too big. There was a dry sound of pretzels being dumped out. The badgers went running. They ran over Oakie's trunk as she was trying to reach under the table to get at the bauble thief. The badger lost interest in the ornament and abandoned it for the pretzels, leaving it rocking there near a table leg. Oakie snatched it, and placed it back on her branches. Oakie used the table to right herself again. She brushed the dust and food crumbs off her leaves. She took her position back on the line and gripped the axe. She wound up and did her ridiculous spin again, sending baubles and bells flying. She let the axe go.

[Dis]

More grumbles came from the aft end of the pony. "Whitebeard you suck at throwing! Maybe being dead has blunted your skill. Lemme have a turn."

"I seriously doubt being alive will help yours." He walked dragging the hindquarters after him and chose another axe out of the bin. He returned to the throwing line. "How do you propose to do this since you can't see or throw from in there?"

"Just turn this thing around, I'll take care of the rest."

Whitebeard grudgingly complied. The was a zipping sound as a white dwarfette's head and an arm emerged from under the pony's tail. Dis grabbed the axe out of Whitebeard's hand. "Hey you didn't tell me there were Badgers!" She watched the mayhem for a minute before taking her throw. She waited till the Badgers were busy at the other end of the throwing line. She took careful aim with her better eye and let the axe fly. As it left her hand, a Badger collided with her, got upset and started biting the pony's tail. "Whose blasted idea was it to bring Badgers?" She spied KingOfDuckingham. "A wizard. Figures."

[Rivvy Elf]

Oghren Spectating, Heckling, throwing whatever, and/or doing what all drunk people do

"Eh hehehe," Oghren giggled, as he stumbled towards the grounds where the throwing axe tournament was being held. His hair and beard were red as blood. He was a redbeard, after all. An axe strapped to his back, while he wore his regular dwarven traveling armor. There were a bunch of dwarves and other beings around that Oghren might've interacted, flirted, accused of stealing his doo-dads, etcetera. But what stuck out in his drunken stupor appeared to be two talking trees (Robert the Plant and... some other talking Plant).

Feeling courageous, he attempted to noisily sneak behind (Robert the Plant) and tried to pat the ent at the back.

"You have some hard wood back here, hehehe, if you know what I mean," Oghren slurred, "happy to see me, eh? Tree?"

[Thorin Firehelm]

Thorin stood shaking with laughter at his opponents reply "Your beard looks funny" particularly tickled him. "Right," he said, stroking his bushy, brown beard. "Let's get some action going". He picked up another axe. Smaller than the first, with a silver trim around the handle and a couple of notches along the blade. He grasped the handle, positioned himself, feet apart, dead eye on the target. Without warning, his feet were taken from under him and he fell, backside over elbow to the floor. He was unhurt but his pride definitely needed mouth to mouth. Looking at the cause of this sudden misfortune, he saw it was a badger who was, at that moment, scampering across the floor. He knew nothing about badgers but he was pretty sure he heard laughter.

Picking himself up, dusting himself off he once again grasped the axe handle and, focusing back on his target let it fly.

[Silky Gooseness]

Silvereye was delighted. Another unexpected success! The day was going even better than she had hoped for. Deciding to take a break and celebrate - after all, she’d already made two throws, which was pretty productive for her- she sat down and produced a bottle of beer from her bag. Alas, the top was firmly wedged on; Silvereye got out one of her remaining axes and attempted to pry it off. Her excessive enthusiasm resulted in both cork and axe flying off in wild directions. Silvereye wasn’t even looking, as she had beer to drink.

[Nerwen Nuke-queen]

Girul watched as his sister slighted one of the throwers (KingO) by giving him the halberd they used to weed the garden. She really could be nasty and bitter sometimes, despite her sugar coating. Girul shrugged. At least this time it was directed at someone other than himself! During the break, another Ent appeared to compete, while his companion who only just fit under the roof of the cavern waited to watch. Girul was a little perturbed by Ents; trees with eyes and speech seemed weird to him. But then, dwarves were rumoured to be created by simply leaping up from the ground. Decided to muse over the question of creation later, he announced the scores:

"White Beard & Dis - 3/10 throws - Score: 23 (+9)
Glasha - 4/10 throws - Score:19 (+8)
Oakie - 3/10 throws - Score:9 (+3)
Silvereye - 3/10 throws - Score: 17 (+1)
Firerose - 1/10 throws - Score:2
Mognar - 1/10 throws - Score:7
KingODuckingham - 4/10 throws - Score: 26 (+ 5)
Thorin - 2/10 throws - Score: 6 (+5)
Robert the Plant - 1/10 throws - Score:6 (5+1 for puns)"

[Oak]

Oakie had finished her throw. Still not so good, as the axe hit the black ring toward the top of the target.
A fellow Ent had entered. She recognized his tall form. Robert the Plant. He must have followed her. His throw was much better than hers, hitting the blue ring.

Oakie's eyes got big. The backside of the lumpy pony made grumbling noises. (Whitebeard) Then she couldn't make sense of what was happening, There was a rather ripping sound. What was that coming out the hind end of the pony? It really needed to see a vet if white was coming out of its hind end! The shimmering white as it turned out was a dwarf with abundant silky hair that seemed to glow in the dim lighting of the pub. That was still odd.

But a drunk Redbeard arrested her attention. He had an axe strapped to his back. That would not have been so alarming, except that he was patting a fellow Ent. (Robert the Plant) @Mojo on the back and commenting on how hard his wood was. "R-robert!" she whispered. "Behind you. Watch out. Axe wielding dwarf".

Oakie skittered up the barrel again on her roots. At this point she was wishing her had tall legs like Robert. Her flare of roots was probably why her throws were so bad. She chose a smaller Axe this time. She returned to the line. She decided again her spinning and decided to just pitch the little axe this time. It arced high when she tossed it and tumbled at the target.

[Dis]

The back end of the pony jumped up and down. "Hah! I still got it!" Dis turned her head and looked at White Beard's frosty eyes which were peering from the pony's mouth. "Hopefully I won't throw like you when I'm dead. I'll take the next throw too. And I want to be the head this time."

Whitebeard harrumphed and pulled his arms inside the costume. The pony looked like it had a severe case of the vapors while they switched places. It lost some height with the change and gained some girth in the hinder parts. But big arse nothwithstanding it walked with ease over to the axe crates.

Dis's black eyes peered out of the mouth as she stuck her arms out of the holes at the side of the neck and chose another axe. She fairly skipped over to the line with Whitebeard bringing up the rear.

Dis tossed the axe back and forth between her hands and spun it in the air twice before letting it fly at the target. She jumped suddenly and swatted the back end. "Hey! No goosing!"

[Gwai]

Glasha the Goblin

Her last throw was not terrible, and Glasha quickly forgot about pretending to limp when a large walking tree walked up. Glasha felt her mouth drop open, and with it, the last of the remaining straw she had glued to her face. She'd never seen a tree walk before, and wondered if the badger that had bitten her had been venomous. Were badgers known for that? She didn't know, and didn't know how to find out. Probably a good idea she hadn't actually eaten it.

Shoving her stolen, er, borrowed, floppy hat down a little tighter on her head, she picked up another axe, and tested the weight. It was heavier than the last one, and it took both hands to drag it out toward the target. She grasped the handle firmly, and swung it around, letting it fly unfortunately close to the odd talking pony, which she was still convinced was not actually a pony at all. Good riddance if I hit it, she thought to herself. Talking ponies, walking trees, what was this world coming to? She should have stayed in Mordor where things were safe.

[KingODuckingham]

"This is bullshire" Ducky thought to himself as he watched the axe handle disintegrate on its way to the target. "How am I supposed to get a good score when the implements I am given are of an inferior quality. Do the dwarves have no pride in shared workmanship?" He knew the answer. They didn't want a non-dwarf to win the competition. Well, Ducky knew a good way around that. He swirled his cloak, muttering a spell, and turned swiftly. When he came around the other side of the turn, he looked much like a dwarf (if a little bit tall). He walked back to the receptionist and said "Uh, yeah, hi, could I get an axe, I'd like to, um, join the competition. It, uh, seems there's an empty spot there where a wizard used to be?"

The receptionist looked at him with a cold stare for a moment, then said, "Come off it, we all watched your transformation. You didn't even bother to hide behind a pillar or something."

"Ah, ha...about that..." Ducky mumbled as the spell ran out of time and he dissolved back into his regular look. "I'll just go grab my axe head then, shall I?"

"You do that." she replied.

Ducky moped and meandered back to his target, grabbed the head out of its resting spot and brought it back to the starting line. It seemed to be rusting even faster as he held it in his hands. Would it survive another throw?

Nothing to do but find out. Ducky held the axe head as though he were skipping a rock, and tossed it at the target.

[Silky Gooseness]

Silvereye had definitely not done as well this last time - at least not in terms of throwing. However, she had happened upon a particularly good batch of beer, which was a bonus. She had also not killed anyone with her tossing abilities, which was also a bonus. Silvereye was too pretty to go to jail.

Having finished her drink the dwarf reached about for her cork-popping axe. How strange! It seemed to have flown off. But there were plenty of axes embedded in the targets. Brightening, Silvereye went to fetch one, oblivious to the other sharp objects whizzing past her head. She returned to her seat and opened her next bottle, before remembering she should probably return her borrowed axe to where she’d found it- so she flung it back in the general direction of the target.

[Nerwen Nuke-queen]

Jorrolsia had gone off in a little dream. Of a time when axe-throwing had been elite. When the best axe dwarves had turned up with their entourages, their minstrels and their diva demands. She giggled slightly as she remembered the time when Alof the Axe had demanded the grass in the outdoor arena be exactly an inch and a half high, and she had made Girul spend a whole night with a ruler and some nail scissors so the champion wouldn't be upset. Her champions had been her life, her soul and her world. Now she was here, with this motley crew. It was as she gently came out her reverie that she heard Girul scream "BULLSEYEEEEEEE!" and saw her brother whip of his shirt in sporting fanaticism and run around the area. She stood up and clapped enthusiastically (but not too enthusiastically because someone had to remain professional) and shouted the scores to the crowd:

"White Beard & Dis - 4/10 throws - Score: 28 (+4 and +1 for changing costume half way through)
Glasha - 5/10 throws - Score:20 (+1)
Oakie - 4/10 throws - Score:17 (+8)
Silvereye - 4/10 throws - Score: 23 (+6)
Firerose - 1/10 throws - Score:2
Mognar - 1/10 throws - Score:7
KingODuckingham - 5/10 throws - Score: 36 (+10 BULLSEYE)
Thorin - 2/10 throws - Score: 6
Robert the Plant - 1/10 throws - Score:6

And now that we have had our first bullseye, she shouted. There are points available for your trash talk and put downs! Are you champions or not? Are you going to let these others knock you from you position!" She threw a fist in the air in a very un-Jorrolsia like moment and then had to sit and take a moment to reflect on her outbust

[Rivvy Elf]

Oghren

Apparently his actions drew the attention of someone else, though Oghren was too drunk to recognize this.

"Aah, I guess you are just a tree after all, huh?" Oghren asked Robert the Plant, "I guess I will take my... leaf then. Hehe, leaf."

With that, Oghren stumbled off to bother someone else. Someone caught his eye though. "Oooh, look at those buns," he said. His eyes moved to the axes on the target.

"Hey gorgeous," Oghren slurred at Silvereye, "that heat you're feeling. It's me. So why don't I buy you a drink to cool you off?"

[Oak]

Oakie stared after she had thrown her axe at the odd little lumpy Pony (WhiteBeard. It changed shape. It's front end sunk while its hind end swelled. "Oh poor beast, it is ill. She reached for her doctor's bag and started to move in the Pony's direction, but she was distracted by the very drunk heckler (Ohgren) again. He now turn his attentions to the Dwarf Silvereye. Oakie watched in disgust as the drunk pursued her after her axe hit the target.

"Mr. Dwarf, (Ohgren) you are drunk!" Oakie said, as she pulled her axe from the red circle in the target on the right hand side. "I think maybe you should go home and go to bed before you plant your axe in someone's skull, or better yet plant it where Aule split ya!" Oakie stormed back to the line. Hecklers. She didn't mind competition, but she didn't like the unsportsman-like conduct of the hecklers.

Oakie hefted the axe. It had landed in the red ring. So Spinning was not the way to go. Oakie lined herself up in the painted line. And pited the axe with more force this time. It flew straighter this time.

[KingODuckingham]

"BOOM! THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT BABY! I READ YOUR FACE!! I READ YOUR STUPID FACE! YEAAAAAHHH!" Ducky shouted at his target. He turned to the rest of the room. "The name, by the way, is Duckingham. You'll want to remember it."

He twirled his hat around. Then he took his maladjusted hat off, shook it, and put it back on his head properly. He blinked a couple of times, hoping nobody was actually watching.

"Remember the name because of the game!" he said, quite a bit more quietly. "I'll fredegaring do it again!"

He went and retrieved the axe head, bearing it carefully now not so much from fear of disintegration but in quasi-holy reverence. Truly, this axe head was blessed. Take that, by the way, he thought at the receptionist. She thought she could keep a good wizard down with a bad axe head? He had shown her. He would show them all. He would be the best axe thrower this side of Gundabad! As he got excited, his belly began rumbling.

Ducky hurled. Then he hurled his axe head away, trying his best to imitate his form from before without stepping in the small pile of yuck on the ground in front of him.