Undertowers Art - Nul Points

[Chrysophylax Dives]

Many have advanced explanations of the origin of the famous Mushroom art of Undertowers, but recent studies by historians have unearthed some vital clues and we now suspect that Undertowers mushroom art arose in a quixotic attempt to replicate the art of the Dwarves. That it looks nothing like the art of the Dwarves is itself a clue, for the Undertowers artists possessed zero artistic talent. This thread presents some of the earliest - and worst - efforts from the early Undertowers mushroom tradition.

We begin with a lurid composition that has been variously titled. Some have called it 'Initiation of a new Admin', others refer to it as 'The Eye of the Duck', or simply 'Hill's Plaza'. But down the long centuries between its composition and our own day, this notoriously bad attempt at Undertowers Art has usually been titled:

Speak Friend and Enter

Artist: all true Undertowers mushroom art is anonymous, but it is believed that this is an early attempt of Fairbairn the Fat (circa 1543 FA). Fairbairn went on to found Undertowers Mushroom Modernism, which took compositions to new levels of geometrical juxtapositions. Mushroom Modernism was a natural development for Hobbits who had no visual eye and no artistic talent.

[Chrysophylax Dives]

Durin's Day in Undertowers

'Durin's Day in Undertowers' is probably the most hotly contested item in the Undertowers mushroom canon. Long understood to have inspired the return to The Hobbit characteristic of later Undertowers readings of the Red Book, as also the more radical burglar collectives of the colony, and sometimes related obliquely to the stairway in the house of Bombadil, 'Durin's Day in Undertowers' is the key evidence advanced by historians who hold that Mushroom Art arose out of a failed Hobbit attempt to do Dwarvish art.

Based on recent archeological discoveries as well as comparative folklore catalogues, it is now believed that this painting reflects a genuine effort by the early Undertowers community to work out when Durin's Day would next be. The artist has depicted a journey within, from the dark tower that is really the open house of Fairbairn to the western tower that is really a clear view on Time, to a wish that the sun and the moon may align to open the hidden door that is Durin's Day.

Historians still debate why the Hobbits of Undertowers wished to know when Durin's Day would be. Some hold that these Hobbits were running out of Tea and wanted to attract travelling Dwarvish tinkers to supply the new colony. Most scholars think that the early Undertowers Hobbits were so deluded that they genuinely believed that opening the secret door of the sun and the moon would give them the artistic abilities of the Dwarves.

[Chrysophylax Dives]

The Yule celebrations of the Hobbits of Undertowers lasted all year...

... in the House of @Fuin Elda'

[Fuin Elda]

Love it. No notes. Honestly still have a Yule card up on my piano so not wrong feeling a little over seen.

[Chrysophylax Dives]

Love it. No notes. Honestly still have a Yule card up on my piano so not wrong feeling a little over seen.

Fuin, I am happy to see you back again and already back in RP. While you were gone I have set up Undertowers in the Shire as a semi-autonomous anarchist collective. The basic deal with the admins is that we pretend that we do not need them until we do, when we ask them very nicely to help; and after this return to our delusions that we are a freedom collective. None of this matters. What does is you are very welcome to come and do your thing, whatever that might be, in our western corner of the Shire. Join in or start a thread. If you go full on Fuin and the admins appear like a swarm of bees we will do our level best to help, but only after first running far away as fast as we can. We are Hobbits.

xx

[Fuin Elda]

I am... So confused. I will have to look into this I have to admit but honestly full Fuin is no longer the worst thing I can go anymore. I spent the last year building a far more traumatized character. I swear I'm allergic to happy endings.

I look forward to seeing this... semi autonomous anarchist collective. (There's some lovely muck over here...)

[Chrysophylax Dives]

@Fuin Elda, you are like an old Hobbit with a magic ring - always vanishing. In the meanwhile, I bump this thread because Dwarvish art is on my mind.

By the way, @The Good Hunter, the first picture above should maybe be titled 'Domestication' - a nightmare, as I said.

[Chrysophylax Dives]

Copies of this famous image have already been posted a few times around the plaza, but this is the original. The image is primarily famous because of the title, which has never been deciphered: 'Conversation between Elostirion and the Lore Post Office'.

[Chrysophylax Dives]

As we see, the history of Hobbit mushroom art is a sorry tale of lurid colours, misconceived compositions, and splodges. Deep in their hearts, the Hobbits of Undertowers knew that their paintings were no touch on the real thing - genuine Dwarvish art.

We should perhaps pause in this post to reflect on the tragedy of history. The Dwarves of the early 4th Age were as busy making beautiful things with their cunning hands as they had been in all previous age of the world. And those Dwarves would very likely have traded their art, as also their famous tea, for local Undertowers produce (huorn eggs were valuable property in those days). But the Hobbits of Undertowers were in a state of feud with the Dwarves of Middle-earth, and Dwarves no longer visited Undertowers and Hobbits grew afraid of the hairy folk and turned their faces away from Moria. In their hearts the Hobbits knew that the art of the Dwarves was beyond them. But they were too stiff-knecked to admit it to themselves and the state of feud continued.

Yet there is one painting on the wall in Elostirion, the tallest of the Elf-towers of Undertowers. The painting hangs in the Librarian's Chamber, where the Adamanta Chubb Librarian sits and surveys her universe of Lore and directs her vast army of Library minions. This painting is genuine Dwarvish art.

How this painting came to hang on the walls of Elostirion is a story in itself. And maybe that story will one day be told. For now, for the purpose of comparison, please feast your eyes on:

'Hobbit watching a Littler People' by Drifa

[Drífa]

In The Garden